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- 4 months ago

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Why Is It So Hard to Leave Big Things?

Humans are magnets for big things. With little effort exerted, big things just seem to happen to us anyway: love and heartbreak, death, change.

Like a lot of other people, I hold on to big things long after they’ve proven out their usefulness and importance in my life. Relationships, jobs, family traditions, acquaintances… these are my things that I pull behind me, empty paper seed pods ,empty wooden boxes on a long rope, empty emotions of things gone by.

Tonic.com is looking at the fond farewells to Gabrielle Giffords and Jorge Pasada this week, wondering what kind of similar impact we can all leave behind on our careers. Sometimes I simply wonder what it takes to leave a career behind.

Why is it so difficult to leave things, and even more difficult to leave really big things?

Team SP

CSW Sonoma, Calif.

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You imagined and built your life around the big things and the little things have become part of who you are. To leave them feels like you are leaving a part of yourself.

They take up so much space. Texas: fg scary; fg huge.
Love: so much mental space. You become irrational any way you look at it.

A bad known can feel more secure than an unknown future. I have to remind myself that fear is faith in a negative outcome. Now I'm trying to have faith in a positive outcome resulting from my decisions for change.

I think one major problem I come across is the responsibility I feel towards a job, or a loved one. It's value one has to assign in order to care about something and put forth one's best. It's just hard to let go of that sense of responsibility when letting go. I think about how leaving will have a negative effect on the people that rely on me, but overlook how it may benefit me since I'm so accustomed to sacrificing so much of myself for the sake of others.

Perhaps it's the investment we put into those big things... time, emotions, etc. Perhaps also sometimes we fall into the habit of thinking that the familiar is safer or better than the unfamiliar.

Primarily because of other people's expectations now, or in the future. So, leaving a job (even if it makes perfect sense to you), you wonder what your coworkers might think. Then, you also worry what future employers will think.

There's something to be said for stability, status quo and doing what's expected. But, more to be said for taking advantage of the fact we only have one turn in this crazy little thing we call life and we shouldn't spend any of it at a thing for the wrong reasons.

Fear of changes and what they have in tow. So some of us choose to stay where we are now, even if it isn't the most comfortable of place to be in.

Because we fear what we can not predict. We fear what we do not know and because of this we prefer the familiar.

The guilt that we're leaving something unfinished, and an ego that believes we're actually going to find and finish it.

Fear of failure. I've put time, effort, and mental resources into making something work, and walking away is like admitting failure, admitting that I've been wasting my time and effort.
I'm currently in the middle of a breakup with a girl that at one time I thought was it. She moved 1000 miles with me, at one time was devoted to me, at one time wanted nothing but to be next to me any second she could. Before all this, I would have said she knew me better than anyone, and I knew her the same way, now she's a stranger.
We built our lives around each other, and now I have to start fresh. Find out what my life will be without the most significant part of it. Part of me wants more than anything to go back to a year ago, when things started to change, when decisions that both of us made set us on a path that I can only recognize now. But thinking like this is fruitless and desperate. I have to think everything happens for a reason, that this is just the next phase.

There's a saying in Spanish, la costumbre es mas fuerte que el amor, which pretty much means "habit is stronger than love." Once you're used to a certain lifestyle, whether it's what your job affords you, or the routine you have with your significant other, it becomes very difficult to break with that lifestyle.

Because you have often grown attached to and/or used to those things in your life. For example, your career. When you go to work in the morning or whenever, you have that mindset of turn right on this street take a left to get on the highway exit 35 etc. Then you say hi to Jeanie on the elevator, pass Bob on the way to your desk, every morning. When you leave your job, you not only are leaving your paycheck but you are also leaving that routine you used to have. Those people you see every day, you won't see anymore. That route you used to take you aren't going to take anymore. Leaving a "big" thing often means leaving a lot more than than a job, its a whole part of your routine that has to adapt to the new thing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_NPgWercWc

I hope this answers all your doubts..

Because "big things" represent important parts of our lives sometimes,and you don't want to let go of that specific thing as it'll be like you're letting go of the moment it represents,we're afraid that we'll never remember that crucial moment that may have changed the person we are now,or maybe it's because it'll be like you're tossing what that moment stood for away,like a piece of trash where you know it's not.
I don't know! haha,emotions are complex.

I suppose it's simple enough- those "big things" are the things we've had a connection to. It was important, no matter how we thought about them. Like next year when I leave home, I'll be leaving my family, the community I've known my whole life. Those things had an impact on my and I can't pretend that I won't be a little (well a lot) lost at first. Even the things that don't matter to me anymore- going to church every Sunday and saying prayers before meals- I most likely won't be doing that since I'll be taking time to stretch my atheist wings, but I'll still miss those things in an odd way.

Big things are difficult to leave because size is valuable to us. When we are small people learn that larger things such as numbers or people are better. We then live our lives and along the way we get involved in something that either lasts a long time or intensely changes the path we are moving through. Leaving these things that seem to have meant so much to us at one time is often hard because we naturally see that it is a big part of us so it must be good.

Recently I have this situation with my relationship. My life was amazing before I met her. Couldnt have been better and then all of the sudden I was neck deep in a relationship with someone who was really special to me. 14 months later I enjoy her company but I just dont feel I need a relationship anymore. However she is such a big part of my life and I hers that I find myself unable to have the conversation about moving on. Instead I just figure its so big I should just stick with it cause there is plenty of value there.

Odd and incomplete thoughts here but maybe someone will enjoy my take.

People are afraid of the unknown. And when you leave something that takes up a big part of your life, like a relationship or a career, you are never quite sure what will become of your decision. Change can make us uncomfortable, and we tend to shy away from it until what lies ahead is proven (or at least is thought) to be better than the present.

As humans we tend to place more stock in sentiment than we should. Sentimentally leads to selective memories, where we remember the good times as being way more good and frequent than they really were. These feelings make us safe and comfortable and thats what makes it difficult to make a change. Once we've hit that level of comfort with anything, whether it be a job or a relationship, its hard to let it go since we mistake stability and security for real happiness.

Sometimes, for real happiness to take root, we have to learn to let go of the familiar things.

Big things like jobs and people are like planets with their own gravitational force. Breaking free of gravity or space travel takes an enormous amount of tools, expertise, practice and energy. Because we are beings with free-will we assume leaving something "big" means turning on a dime. Space travel evolved, it is a complex process. Can we begin to see the big changes in our lives as a complex process? Can we reframe our thinking, slow down, build skills and practice for the day when we have the real power to leave the orbit and fly away on our own...

SoulPancake

CSW

Why Is It So Hard to Leave Big Things?

Why is it so difficult to leave things, and even more difficult to leave really big things?

PigPjs

You imagined and built your life around the big things and the little things have become part of who you are. To leave them feels like you are leaving a part of yourself.

OneEyedSquirrel

They take up so much space. Texas: fg scary; fg huge.
Love: so much mental space. You become irrational any way you look at it.

Odaat42

A bad known can feel more secure than an unknown future. I have to remind myself that fear is faith in a negative outcome. Now I'm trying to have faith in a positive outcome resulting from my decisions for change.

ForeverLazy

JayBirdBlue

Perhaps it's the investment we put into those big things... time, emotions, etc. Perhaps also sometimes we fall into the habit of thinking that the familiar is safer or better than the unfamiliar.

IpreferFrenchToast

Primarily because of other people's expectations now, or in the future. So, leaving a job (even if it makes perfect sense to you), you wonder what your coworkers might think. Then, you also worry what future employers will think.

Simplyjen22

There's something to be said for stability, status quo and doing what's expected. But, more to be said for taking advantage of the fact we only have one turn in this crazy little thing we call life and we shouldn't spend any of it at a thing for the wrong reasons.

xivoontan

Fear of changes and what they have in tow. So some of us choose to stay where we are now, even if it isn't the most comfortable of place to be in.

dovesLIVEnotes

Because we fear what we can not predict. We fear what we do not know and because of this we prefer the familiar.

jabeez

The guilt that we're leaving something unfinished, and an ego that believes we're actually going to find and finish it.

soulsandwich

bryanfalla

brightenyourhorizon

platodaastronaut

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_NPgWercWc

I hope this answers all your doubts..

superpip

insincerelyme

PositiveDude

topeka999

marvelprince

Rachelle

Why Is It So Hard to Leave Big Things?

Why is it so difficult to leave things, and even more difficult to leave really big things?

You imagined and built your life around the big things and the little things have become part of who you are. To leave them feels like you are leaving a part of yourself.

They take up so much space. Texas: f*****g scary; f*****g huge.Love: so much mental space. You become irrational any way you look at it.

A bad known can feel more secure than an unknown future. I have to remind myself that fear is faith in a negative outcome. Now I'm trying to have faith in a positive outcome resulting from my decisions for change.

Perhaps it's the investment we put into those big things... time, emotions, etc. Perhaps also sometimes we fall into the habit of thinking that the familiar is safer or better than the unfamiliar.

Primarily because of other people's expectations now, or in the future. So, leaving a job (even if it makes perfect sense to you), you wonder what your coworkers might think. Then, you also worry what future employers will think.

There's something to be said for stability, status quo and doing what's expected. But, more to be said for taking advantage of the fact we only have one turn in this crazy little thing we call life and we shouldn't spend any of it at a thing for the wrong reasons.

Fear of changes and what they have in tow. So some of us choose to stay where we are now, even if it isn't the most comfortable of place to be in.

Because we fear what we can not predict. We fear what we do not know and because of this we prefer the familiar.

The guilt that we're leaving something unfinished, and an ego that believes we're actually going to find and finish it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_NPgWercWcI hope this answers all your doubts..

What's Next?

They take up so much space. Texas: fg scary; fg huge.
Love: so much mental space. You become irrational any way you look at it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_NPgWercWc

I hope this answers all your doubts..