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Clifford

- 4 months ago

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When is vulnerability healthy?

A good friend of mine asked this question not too long ago, and I thought I would turn to you, my fellow pancakes.

When is an appropriate time to make yourself vulnerable? What constitutes a healthy state of vulnerability? What would be an instance in your life that it has been healthy for you to be vulnerable?

Thanks for your time :)

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Ever been the kind of person who doesnt let people in? And also at that same time have you ever been the kind of person who has great friends? And at the same time as that too have you ever been the kind of person who was so vulnerable... that they had to turn to friends and realised letting people in wasnt so bad?

If yes to all 3 questions then that could be considerd healthy by some.

Whenever it doesn't cause harm. We could be better at working out what is real danger and what is us crying wolf but vulnerability isn't actually a bad thing. Invulnerability is far worse.

When you confide in your friends.

This has always been my go to when I try to think of vulnerability! She explains is so well; understanding ourselves is critical and it's important to be vulnerable.
http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

When you love.

When you are in good company.

Except when you're in physical danger when is vulnerability Not healthy?

It's simply another opportunity for growth... emotional, spiritual, physical.

I think allowing oneself to be vulnerable in relationships implies trust and requires different levels of said trust for each person. It is important to let the guard rest every once in a while. As someone who doesn't trust easily and pulls up the portcullis at the first sign of trouble I have a hard time trusting people/ allowing myself to be vulnerable. I sometimes even panic when I have to lie down at the doctors office because I am physically vulnerable. I have found that if I can calm myself an believe in people I am often pleasantly surprised. To be sure though there are people who take advantage of vulnerable souls but its worth the risk.

I believe we're all vulnerable all the time even if it isn't obvious. When would be the best time to show that vulnerability? Only when you need a release and only to those you can trust not to take advantage of it.

Strangely, people who attack the vulnerable (verbally, mentally, physically) are showing more vulnerability than the victim.

They are (i believe) the lesser person (with bigger problems) and adversely, their behaviour has the potential to have a positive effect on their target. A potential I admit is very hard to utilise when you are feeling less than...you.

You should read Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. She also has some really insightful TED talks on the power of shame and vulnerability.

Good question 2 me it's more about how u feel if u feel safe with the other person than go for it but its always a risk u just have 2 decide if its 1 worth taking

I'm in theatre school, studying to be an actress, so I'm constantly letting my guard down and being vulnerable in order to really get into the work. Recently, after a falling out with my best friend, I realized that being vulnerable doesn't mean I have to give my entire self away though. I love being an open book, I take pride in the fact that I'm a bad liar and tell people how I feel, but sometimes you have to take care of yourself before opening up. I think it's important to trust the person or people you are opening up to because being vulnerable can be really frightening. I'm still trying to figure out how to go about this because I certainly don't want to shut myself down completely. It's really difficult to find a balance between being an open book and being completely guarded.

very good question

not always we end up feeling happy when ppl get to see our weaknesses when we end up being vulnerable... especially when they take it as the way to judge and taunt and feel they have some kind of a job to criticize just cuz it doesnt meet their standards of how a person should be/act... makes us all be more closed up then open...

why go further... i have been taunted and lashed out here on soulpancake... when i wrote something that wasn't phrased as some souls think best...it all came from a soft part of me... and has stopped me from sharing myself here...

if i knew who those ppl are before they open up their mouth... i would never take a chance to ever disclose myself to them to give them that benefit... but its usually always when the damage is done that u recognize who to avoid in future. and though it was a moment of hurt... it adds up to that reservoir of pain that keeps collecting from years , just like a good comment adds to that reservoir of feeling good when someone made us feel good

i believe soulpancake is a place where you can talk anything that weighs your soul down, and a place where you can anonymously write whatever u like, but there are some ppl here who just want to use those moments to get a laugh and have some dirty fun from it, or simply label something... if ppl only thought twice and with a kind friendly and understanding mindset before responding to any one here... we would know and reap benefits of being our true selves and have a deep soulful convo, just because no one knows u in real doesnt mean the comments made here don't affect the person in all of us positively or negatively.

I used to think that "vulnerability" meant "completely opening up and surrendering to the moment without thinking too much". After a while, I realised that wearing my heart on my sleeve was not always the best idea. I realised that positioning yourself as "vulnerable" in a social situation doesn't work to your benefit if the other person is not "opening up" as well.

Of course, appropriate behaviour is context-driven, so I would say it is healthy and good to be vulnerable with friends, family and significant others.. but maybe we do need to "prepare a face to meet the faces that we meet" out there in the "real world".

"Vulnerability" I think goes hand-in-hand with open-ness and trust.

And I think it can be very unhealthy to be open and trustful if one doesn't have good forgiveness and healing skills.

Because it is a vice of Human nature to try to get ahead by taking advantage of the open and trusting. So while I think it's good to be open and willing to trust . . . you WILL find a score of people who will try to take advantage of that. And you need to be good at understanding them, pitying them, forgiving them and healing from any wounding to avoid defensive closing up shielding yourself and presuming everything people are aiming at you, is an attack.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html
Brene Brown gives TED talks on vulnerability. In her research, she has discovered that we have moved toward a goal of never being vulnerable. She think that this is a problem because when you numb your ability to be vulnerable, you also numb your ability to experience higher levels of joy, connectedness, and satisfaction.

I believe vulnerability is necessary to relate to anyone on a very deep level. The ones you love most and are closest likely know the most about your faults, fears, and struggles, BUT they're also the ones that you might be most likely to experience the greatest degree of happiness with.

I feel like this is to basic an answer but here it is... When you or anybody else will not be harmed. I like being vulnerable I like to try new things and don't mind making mistakes.

"Dare to be naive", and I think vulnerable too. I guess it depends on the situation and the people involved. Vulnerability can be healthy, but I think it goes hand in hand with trust

Well I think your asking how open should you be to new things, if so, that's are movies like yes man, that show this, you cannot say no to everything, don't be a shut in, that sucks. But it also says that you can't say yes to everything, that is a irresponsible way to live, you must find the middle in the nest or confusion, say yes to what you can, no to what you are not comfortable with. But step out of your comfort zone every once in a while, it's fun.

I think you have to be flexible with this. The level of vulnerability you are willing to extend toward a person or situation will vary based on your perception. I think it's healthy as long as you're able to find balance. Too much or too little vulnerability can and will always be detrimental.

Clifford

When is vulnerability healthy?

AgrinningFish

Dienthalamus

Whenever it doesn't cause harm. We could be better at working out what is real danger and what is us crying wolf but vulnerability isn't actually a bad thing. Invulnerability is far worse.