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I think sitting in silence is more intimate than constant chatter. If there is a feeling of awkwardness, probably you're not ready to have that kind of connection to the person you are with.
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I think the awkwardness comes from not knowing what the other peson/people are thinking. When engaging in conversation, you are aware of the thoughts and feelings the others are having. When you're silent you can't tell if the other person is uncomfortable or satisfied with the silence. You can even feel that you've offended or said something to make them quiet. Also, silence in often associated with not being in a good mood, and we don't want to project that when it's not the case.
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Silence is only awkward when you think it's present because of a lack of something. The irony of it, comes in the form that silence can just as easily denote how comfortable you are with a person- but that form normally requires a bit more time before it manifests itself.
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With people you know it's fine. With people you just know or merely know of, the other person would just be staring at whatever you are doing, even your tiniest movements?! (creepy) or they'd be doing some other stuffs like pretending to use their cellphone for a long time (rude). Therefore, awkward.
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The more you know a person, the less awkward silence is.
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The more you know a person, the less awkward silence is.
But that is a very good question! xD
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With most people I know I can just comfortably sit in silence. I like that we're close enough for it to be so pleasant =]
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"Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?...That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the **** up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence."
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"Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?...That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the **** up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence."
–Mia in Pulp Fiction
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I think silence is awkward because it shows that people have nothing to say to each other making it appear like they either don't enjoy each other's company or they don't have many common interests etc. It make one question the entire relationship whether it be a friendship or romance or whatever.
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In silence,it's harder to suppress all the thoughts and emotions inside our heads. Even when alone,a lot of people (including myself) turn on the tv or radio,just to have a mindless background sound to distract from what is going on inside.
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In silence,it's harder to suppress all the thoughts and emotions inside our heads. Even when alone,a lot of people (including myself) turn on the tv or radio,just to have a mindless background sound to distract from what is going on inside.
Personally,I hate silent moments that now and then happen in a conversation and only with the closest of my friends can I be comfortable in silence. It's just that it always feels like I am not being good enough in conversing if I let it be quiet for a second.
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because we have been taught to talk to others and reserve silence for when we are alone. that's why until you're kind of comfortable with someone and understand the conversational expectations silence just seems rude and therefore akward
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it's awkward because we have forgotten what to do with silence. Our moments our filled with verbal brainstorming, television white noise, and constant communication through technology. Silence allows us to listen to ....us. To not have a motive or a goal but to just listen. We have forgotten.
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I don't find silence awkward unless the other person is jeering or staring at me. Sometimes silence is necessary for things to sink in or mellow out.
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I don't find silence awkward unless the other person is jeering or staring at me. Sometimes silence is necessary for things to sink in or mellow out.
I guess sometimes we feel silence is awkward because it cuts into the flow of the conversation or whatever is happening. Kind of like when your sitting in a crowded cafeteria, and all of a sudden things go really quiet for no reason, and everyone just stares around moonfaced.
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I find silence relaxing. When you can find someone whom you can share silence with and not feel awkward, it's the best feeling ever. Some may find silence awkward because of this social network induced society we live in. People have developed the need to talk about something all the time and when there's nothing to be said, their brains convince them that they are uncomfortable.
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I think people find silence awkward because they are unsure of what to do with it. It is something most people are not comfortable with and think they need to do something about it.
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I think people find silence awkward because they are unsure of what to do with it. It is something most people are not comfortable with and think they need to do something about it.
There are 2 different kinds of silence; when in the company of others and silence when by ourselves.
Silence when in the company of others can be tricky. What does the silence mean? Am I boring? It can be especially hard when the conversation slows and there is silence and one is unsure as to what happens next. Is the conversation finished? Have I run out of things to say? Are we not connecting like I think you should? I think people judge themselves and worry that others will judge them for the silence.
I also think silence allows people to hear their own thoughts/self judgements/fears, which maybe they don't want to. This can be especially true when one is alone. Most people try to fill the silence by surrounding themselves with people, music, tv etc..
It can take courage to hold silence and allow it to be, instead of trying to fill/avoid it.
A friend once told me that silence can give space/room, for the things that want/need to be said, a chance to surface. From my experience this has been true when in the company of others and when in my own company. I think it is so important to learn to pause in the silence, however awkward it might feel.
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In my opinion, silence, or any situation really, is only as awkward as you let it be. I'm more than fine with a few pauses in a conversation to just think, but people often tell me I'm pretty awkward so who knows haha
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I like to think strange and split preferences like that date back to our birth. Like why we say "um" in the middle of speeches, in my belief, is because it was comforting for us as children to "um" and "uh" because it was our only mode of conversation as a child. I think silence preferences have something to do with our vocality as children. I prefer silence and I was also a quieter baby. Perhaps you have a similar case?
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I couldn't agree more. I hate silence so much, I don't answer the phone in an attempt to escape the awkward silence that is usually the death of a conversation.
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I think the main reason most people don't like silence is because they have not learned how to silence their inner thoughts. So if no one is speaking, they have no choice but to listen to their own inner dialogue, which is often filled with worry and other sorts of negativity.
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The mind and the mouth like to busy themselves with useless chatter. I enjoy visiting as much as the next person, but I also enjoy my quiet moments (which generally occur when I'm alone). The interesting thing I've noticed lately about conversation is how little we truly listen to each other. Take time today to listen. To nature, and your children, pets, and fellow human beings.
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a quick drive-by of the replies to this post are quite telling... people often fill space with what they want or steer things in the direction they feel most comfortable with rather than focus on the issue at hand (in this instance, your exact question of "why is silence awkward?" was only answered by a few). if silence fills the space and you are the first to speak... it is you that will be judged or controlled or squashed or corrected or respected or etc. people, deep down in their gut, know this. they succumb and get all awkward fearful freaked out vs diving in and dealing with whatever goes down. sales 101 dictates, "the first one that speaks loses". people that hire others use this as a confidence gauge. leaders have no issue with it because they can apply their agenda easily or seize the moment to pseudo-comfort others out and away from the silent wall of pain while disguised as/appearing "friendly and social" (sometimes these leaders know this and sometimes they are in denial about same). throw in the people pleasers and one-million-things-to-say crowd... well... silence will always be awkward to those live with fear as a full-time playmate.
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The awkwardness of silence depends upon what was said before the hush. Like if I am at a party and my friend says..."You're all a bunch of f*****g robots and then tomahawks his whiskey bottle against the bricks." Well then, the silence that follows will be awkward as hell.
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Because to most people, stuff=good, empty space=bad. Anything that we think imitates nothingness freaks people out.
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I don't find silence awkward. I find it awkward when people need to constantly speak. Why? Why the need to talk about unimportant things? I hate Chit chat. People are always invading my thoughts with noise.
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Both people start wondering what the other is thinking about them. This makes you self-conscious.
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It is the lack of connection that is happening. I remember talking to guys on the phone and trying fill up the empty spaces of conversation with words. I don't know what is more awkward, the silence or trying to fill up the silence with language. Obviously, there is a lack of connection going on which is probably a sign that maybe it is time to connect with oneself and not depend on others to fill in the awkwardness of silence.
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Because people are use to noise, chatter, people talking, people are busy, on the go, music, tv, the sounds of home appliances, outside noise of airplanes, cars, kids on bikes and so on. But if one can really sit back, close your eyes, feel the silence and the quietness, it is quite refreshing and soothing at the same time. Listen to the stillness, draws self inward. If one meditates and learns to shut off the outside world, they will discover that silence is not awkward but it actually can raise self to higher consciousnesses, but done so on a reg. basis.
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Because people are use to noise, chatter, people talking, people are busy, on the go, music, tv, the sounds of home appliances, outside noise of airplanes, cars, kids on bikes and so on. But if one can really sit back, close your eyes, feel the silence and the quietness, it is quite refreshing and soothing at the same time. Listen to the stillness, draws self inward. If one meditates and learns to shut off the outside world, they will discover that silence is not awkward but it actually can raise self to higher consciousnesses, but done so on a reg. basis.
It really is not awkward, it revitalizes energy.
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Silence isn't awkward. As with most things, it is our response to it which makes it awkward...imo..
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You start to hear the static (perhaps even the voices!) in your own mind! (Scary-boo!).
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You start to hear the static (perhaps even the voices!) in your own mind! (Scary-boo!).
Be at peace with yourself, and silence will lose much of it's awkwardness. It may even become a friend.
Whereas a battle raging within, requires a lot of noise, distraction, entertainment, headphones-while-you-walk-into-total-strangers-on-the-street . . . to drown it out to the point where one can try to deny they are at war within.
(I watched two ladies, old enough to know better, walk into another lady with her dog-guide last week. When they suddenly re-entered the real world and realized collision was imminent, they got angry at the lady they'd run into. "What's the matter! Are you blind?"
"Apparently we both are", the lady said. "Just one of us had no say in the matter"
Oh, or where the electronically-distracted walk into sign-posts! Now THAT'S quality entertainment!)
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On silence: It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
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I used to try to fill it. Occasionally now I still will but mostly I just let it be and block the worry I used to have about it. Sometimes I can feel the other persons awkwardness from the silence. Now and then I talk to help them out but usually I just let them "fix" it. I find though that by being relaxed in the silence the other person seems to relax as well.
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Once met a woman on Craigslist (lol). We talked solid on the phone all week. HOURS on end ya' know what I mean?
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Once met a woman on Craigslist (lol). We talked solid on the phone all week. HOURS on end ya' know what I mean?
I got a weird idea that for our first date face to face....no talking allowed. It was just bizarre and weird enough to give it a try.
Also, we are probably the only 2 people that had a first date chipping the old paint off her garage...never speaking, never having met before, just listening to music and chippin' away together. It was pretty cool. We did pantomime to communicate and stuff. She made a pizza. Eventually I played the acoustic guitar and she sang and the silence was broken. :)
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Because we are alone with our thoughts, and our inner voice never shuts up. In the presence of others, your incessant inner monologue will be focused on that person and wonder what their state of mind. Becoming comfortable with a person is a sign that you have been around them enough not to have to worry about how your presence affects them. When you first meet someone however, silence is awkward because it carries with it a weight of uncertainty. They are a blank canvas. You have no way of knowing their personal history or how their opinions compare to yours. There is always the risk that something you say might make a negative impression on them. There are varying degrees of awkward, of course. For instance it is usually more uncomfortable for three strangers to share silence than to share it between a stranger and a mutual friend.
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I think if you know the person your talking to really well then it's no big deal, but if your meeting a new person and there's an awkward silence, then the person your talking to might start to think your a boring/shy person and don't have much to talk about and might not wanna spark up another conversation.
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I don't know I've often wondered about that. There is only one person I've ever known who I could be comfortably silent with and I think its important. I think in order for two people to be fulfilled they have to have time together and time alone. I think it is crucial to a relationship. I'm a whole person with or without my love and I expect that he is the same way. We are individuals who have chosen each other because we are fulfilled by each other but we both value our time to be separate from the union because that helps us maintain our individuality which is a rich contribution to our relationship. I think silence and individual alone time is essential to a healthy relationship.
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Sometimes I think silence awkward because we are insecure. When someone doesn't respond immediately, I fill their silence with my own insecure thoughts. I sit, pondering "their" thoughts until something is said.
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It isn't , when visiting face to face. But on the phone, we have to say, "Are you still there?" I love listening to the sounds of Emery's house in the morning while I make morning coffee 368 miles away in my own kitchen. We don't talk, but listen to the morning sounds, cats meowing, dogs begging for bacon treats. I listen to him making his lunch and getting dressed for work. Ahhhh the sound of peanut butter spread on wheat bread. I listen to the warm and we need no words ---- just a connection. I can hear the velcro loops as he puts on the gun belt and the clatter of his handcuffs. Wordless, but communicating so much.
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