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If you accept no one is above a lie your life will be a lot easier. you should never go out of your way to prove someone is lying instead take all statements "with a grain of salt" giving them the benefit of the doubt at the same time paying attention to check for consistency in their stories.
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Trust, love and respect are earned.
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Trust, love and respect are earned.
If you have them out freely you get what you deserve.
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Trust is like respect. It must be earned. You can't demand people to trust you without first proving to them that you can be trusted. Skepticism is just the vehicle that is used by people who understand this principle. If you tell me that the Earth is a polygon, I'm going to be skeptical about it. However, if you then prove it to me, then obviously I can't be skeptical about that. The more things you tell me, and the more things you prove to be true, the less skeptical I will be when you tell me new things. Same basic idea with respect.
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Trust is like respect. It must be earned. You can't demand people to trust you without first proving to them that you can be trusted. Skepticism is just the vehicle that is used by people who understand this principle. If you tell me that the Earth is a polygon, I'm going to be skeptical about it. However, if you then prove it to me, then obviously I can't be skeptical about that. The more things you tell me, and the more things you prove to be true, the less skeptical I will be when you tell me new things. Same basic idea with respect.
The less I trust you, the more skeptical I am.
The more I trust you, the less skeptical I am.
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i trust, but trust as if one eye is open. always be on the look out always have a plan b. i give people the benefit of the doubt but am prepared for them to disappoint it's just human nature.
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This is a tough question. Very few people know me well because I trust very few people. For me, the closer you are to me the harder the impact of the lie. But, I also look at the whole picture. The intention of an untruth isn't always bad. The biggest mistake we make is expecting humans not to be human. But on another note, I have a list of lies that will get you bounced.
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The problem is that there are so many people less Human. Who do not seem to be sensitive to the hurt if others, and who do not mind using others only to then let them fall.
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The problem is that there are so many people less Human. Who do not seem to be sensitive to the hurt if others, and who do not mind using others only to then let them fall.
I always hope, and approach, people to be honest...but it comes at a cost. It happened frequently that I thought to have a nice conversation with a guy, only to find out an hour later that he would like to have 'a cup of coffee' at his place. And that hurts- where I thought we were having a connection, a friendship all he saw was a vagina on legs.
And then there were people whom I have given my help and time, and who refused to look at me after I done all the work for them. That hurts- I don`t mind helping out but I was no more than a pair of muscles, or time-saving instrument on legs.
What stops me most from trusting others and seeing them as human is the de-humanizing they seem to do to me.
On the other hand, the most unexpected things can be found by being open, and by trusting people. Things i dont want to miss out on.
It seems to be a painul path, but one which is worth it along the way
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Try implicitly trusting everyone to be at least as Human as yourself.
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Try implicitly trusting everyone to be at least as Human as yourself.
(Warning! This exercise can be hazardous to the psychological/spiritual health of those who don't first know themselves!).
Then like Nietzsche you won't have to be upset that someone lied to you (even if you yourself have never told a lie, ha, ha). But you can reserve disappointment that now you will have a hard time believing what they offer up as truth.
Limiting skepticism is replaced with an unlimited desire to trust the word of others even as you might hope your word is trusted (cue the conundrum of people who are always having to "swear to God" their words are truthful! What level of internal guile and deception would have them needing to call on the Almighty to testify to the truthfulness of so much of what they say??). But you humbly recognize that others are as prone to telling stories as the need surfaces in the moment, as you most likely have been at some point in your life (or perhaps still are??).
Knowing your own Human nature and not expecting better from others than you have shown at various times in your life, turns unhealthy skepticism into healthy caution with a desire to assist others on a path to greater truthfulness and integrity in their lives.
Even if you've moved on into paths of greater truth, chances are you didn't start your journey there.
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The balancing act between a healthy amount of skepticism and a general desire to trust is a tricky one. I believe it is related completely to one's willingness to open up to people. If you open up to people easily, you are more susceptible to trusting them. If you do not open up to people easily, you are more susceptible to being skeptical about them. But where is the happy medium? How much should you be willing to open yourself up to people? Finding the balance between a good amount of skepticism and a good amount of trust is a daily struggle for me, personally.
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I like what a friend of mine said in regards to my mother when I warned him not to trust her. He said, "I will love her from afar". It expressed how I have to deal with her myself. She has given no reason to ever trust her, but she is my mother and I do love her. I am learning to apply this to others as well. After leaving a Christian cult that I was in for 18 years I found it impossible to forgive for a while and most certainly not trust. Time and self searching has healed me and I have found myself forgiving after all. But I am careful as to who and what I actually trust. I don't take peoples word for it, I give them the benefit of a doubt, but I do my own research. Being betrayed and lied to has taught me much wisdom even though it be the hard way.
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The older I get, the more I rely on my gut instinct to help me decide whether to trust or not. I am rarely wrong anymore. So while I initially approach most new people with a mind open to trust, I will quickly pay attention to any cues that there is something amiss.
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To me, a lot depends on why the person lied. Many people I love and who love me have lied to me at times when they thought the truth was going to hurt. Everyone tells a little white lie sometimes. When the purpose of the lie is to cheat, or spite, or otherwise cause hurt, that's a different story. I don't trust someone who does that to me.
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Good question. I'll risk sounding like I have a major god complex by saying I can always tell when I'm being lied to. I can read people like a book. Don't bullshit a bullshitter?
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Good question. I'll risk sounding like I have a major god complex by saying I can always tell when I'm being lied to. I can read people like a book. Don't bullshit a bullshitter?
I don't know. I'll give someone my full trust and the benefit of the doubt. but it's in my nature to analyze every little thing they say and do until I sense something is up. When they do lie to me, they won't even know that I'll already have seen it coming. And it doesn't much affect me because I don't make myself vulnerable.
Not sure if I really answered the question but yeah. sorry for sounding like an as*hole. (:
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Know the players and avoid making your choice in trust or skepticism on some broad heuristic. Some people will deserve it, some won't, let those who do deserve it earn it.
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..."Gullible is written on the ceiling." So, I look for the 3rd time, analyzing the ceiling, because if he/she said it, it must be there. Maybe, I'm not looking hard enough. It's still not there... (blush)!! Most may call it naive. I've been told this is an admirable / child-like quality (by loved ones) probably because it sounds better then calling me naive. I believe there is no harm in looking at a ceiling, but if I'm doing business, I scrutinize the contract before signing. I believe balance would be to the level of my involvement/commitment with the situation. No harm in looking at a ceiling, but it's another story when it could vary well effect paying my mortgage.
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I try to override this with my consciousness... but my consciousness does not always succeed. Once one catches enough bullshit from a person, everything turns into bullshit... even the valid stuff... bullshit. I suppose a person who believes in karma might say they brought it upon themselves for lying in the first place.
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i like being open to people for the most part but having lived and learned i also believe it's healthy to be alert to red flags and be true to your gut instincts cause man those guts be full of insight
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That is what makes a friendship so valuable in the changing fortunes of time. When you discover someone who is deserving of trust, someone who respects the deal you have made as friends to do what is in the best interest of the other, you have found the treasure of a lifetime. You would never know what made it so special, if you had never encountered mistrust.
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I grew up trusting everyone, no matter who you were. My mother always threw doubt in my head about people I loved, so maybe that is why I decided to trust everyone. My blind trust may have been a blessing in disquise bc I ended up making alot of bad decisions out of
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I grew up trusting everyone, no matter who you were. My mother always threw doubt in my head about people I loved, so maybe that is why I decided to trust everyone. My blind trust may have been a blessing in disquise bc I ended up making alot of bad decisions out of
Blind Faith. Decisions that should have taken my life.
I had a boyfreind once that challenged my belief saying the people need to "earn" trust. I felt it was the other way around. Giving people trust freely unless they did something that proved otherwise. To me that was like saying nobody deserved being trusted including me and that was an insult.
I still make my heart/trust decisions just by that "heart" , faith and a little bit of past experience. I try to do what is right.
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you must keep yourself enlightened. you must nourish you body, mind, soul and spirit faithfully, so that you can stay balanced. human being are by nature good but the environment plays a huge role on what path we decide to follow. let your inner spirit guide and lead you, you flesh cannot always be the decision maker all the time.
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I have fallen into taking the information I am given as the only info the liar wants me to know, at that moment. If it is my boyfriend lying, I would be wondering why he is not being honest with me. If he misbehaves, he doesn't have to hide behind a lie. He can say what he did and where we stand. I might get "snippy" and disappointed, but I am beyond getting angry and shutting anyone down. I expect humans to be human. I forgive easily because it is really not a big deal if a person errs in life. Telling me a big lie and trying to dodge and weave will make me simply look at their actions and step back. If it is a guy who is being disrespectful of my feelings and making dates and not showing up, or turning up somewhere with another woman, I can easily switch to being just friends, or being the person he no longer knows. I smile and wave bye-bye. There is no reason to make myself look ugly with a show of anger.
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I want to believe that essentially people are good and honest. It can be a hard belief to maintain. I've been accused of "living in a bubble world." To which I would say; "it's a whole lot happier here."
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I want to believe that essentially people are good and honest. It can be a hard belief to maintain. I've been accused of "living in a bubble world." To which I would say; "it's a whole lot happier here."
However, so often in the outside world, we see examples of greed, ego and senseless cruelty. It's easy to get jaded. I have been an ER nurse...I know what it's like to become jaded by drug-seekers, abusive people and violent personalities. However, I don't want to be a person who sees life that way. Isn't that the challenge? I like to think that if given the chance even the worst acting people would find goodness in their heart. It's just that so many never find the opportunity within themselves to rise above.
Day to day, I keep focused on the people close to me...my loved ones...and those that I come into contact with. I see goodness and honesty there so many times. I work to forgive the rest.
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I remember a quote from Iyanla VanZant that said "trust in God, but lock your car". I live in the hope that people will be honest with me, and when they're not, I realize that it's because they don't see their own divinity and it has nothing to do with me. The balance comes in realizing that they can choose to be honest at any moment, so I trust again and allow my intuition to rule when I shouldn't. Sort of the same thing smithy said....
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Such a good quote! I try to trust, but as soon as someone lies to me, or I see them lie to someone else, I start taking everything they say with a grain of salt.
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i live without expectations. i allow people to reveal themselves. i forgive quickly. i have clear-cut boundaries.
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