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I believe as we age and no longer become so fixated on needing to propagate the species, it becomes much easier to be monogamous.
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I believe as we age and no longer become so fixated on needing to propagate the species, it becomes much easier to be monogamous.
People tend to get divorced because their expectations of marriage are often not inline with their partner's expectation. I regard my first marriage as my practice marriage. I learned to be clear with what marriage and partnership means to me before I got married the second time.
So far its been 10 years and we're still monogamous... at least I am.
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No way. Because one relationship, with one person, is complicated enough. The more ppl you add to it, the more problems you gain. Some ppl I guess like to surround themselves with complications. And polygamy seems greedy and sexist. (From a female perspective.)
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I feel as if we're all asking these "Is ___ dead?" questions. Is punk dead, manners dead, freedom, when really the answer is no. What's dying is integrity in people. While I believe everyone makes mistakes in the case of love, a huge part of why having an affair is more common now is because people are selfish and it has become less taboo. So if someone can have their cake and eat it too, they most likely will.
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Monogamy is not dying. What is happening is people are realizing that monogamy is not the only option in life. People can still be spiritually,physically, mentally and financially fulfilled and live a life that is not the white-anglo-saxon-protestant nuclear family ideal. Also, in minority communities like the LGBT community monogamy is becoming more popular as society welcomes us into the exclusive "not a sinner, can get married" club. This question in general also is just kind of silly. Perhaps if you said in the West or something, but around the world there are places where monogamy never was the assumed default. In some of those places monogamous, Western approved marriages are supplanting the traditional marriage system.
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I think we are in an era where self-absorption rules the day. Because of this, monogamy takes a hit. I don't believe it will be a permanent ailment, however.
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It's not dead, but it may be dying.
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It's not dead, but it may be dying.
I don't think it is natural to mate for life, very few species do it, and few humans manage to do it successfully. It's all about the children, and that's how it should be. If one raises kids well, then how many people they sleep with is irrelevant.
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Monogamy does exist but it is slowly dying. The reasons for its death are not recent ones. People have been cheating on their husbands and wives sense marriage became the most acceptable form of a relationship. However, the advent of technology has made it more difficult for people to get away with it. Back in the day there were stories of men with two separate families. Their first meeting would be at “their” husband’s funeral. Today you can attach tracking devices on cars, check bank card statements, receipts, phone calls, text messages, and even hire a TV crew to follow the cheating spouse around. Only to prove what you already know on national television. Divorce use to be taboo in society until everyone started doing it. The stigmas associated for being divorced have evaporated. We all don’t meet up at the public square to sow big red letter A’s on cheating women’s dresses.
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Even as exciting as it may sound to have more than one wife at a time, I don't see me having a harem of infinite babes to sample nightly. Knowing my luck they would all be menstruating at the same time. I wouldn't wish that on any man.
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Even as exciting as it may sound to have more than one wife at a time, I don't see me having a harem of infinite babes to sample nightly. Knowing my luck they would all be menstruating at the same time. I wouldn't wish that on any man.
Now IF I were a member of a radical Mormon sect, I might see things differently...
I see my relationship with Mrs. Henry as monogamist, even though we are not married to each other.
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Great feedback guys. I'll look at your comments closer when I get home tonight. Just for the record, I'm all for monogamy. Never cheated on a girlfriend or had a "one-nighter" in all my life.
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It may not have been Human nature to give our love to and stand by just one person.
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It may not have been Human nature to give our love to and stand by just one person.
But it is Divine nature. True love . . . is Divine.
But we are quite enamoured at becoming our own Divinity unto ourselves . . . so using people as objects for our short-term needs and throwing them in the garbage is a form of worship of just the lowest aspects of Human nature: an aspect that actively destroys trust and faith.
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I think if our society was to become less focused on sex, we would see a drastic change in what monogamy looks like and cheating would be far less common. In fact, I think the whole idea of an "open marriage" is the result of an oversexualized society. That being said, I know several happy, monogamous couples that make me believe it still exists.
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I don't think so at all. It's just quiet. Nobody is interested in hearing about successful monogamous couples. It's far to stable. People want their juicy stories. sad commentary of society unfortunately.
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No, monogamy isn't dead!
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No, monogamy isn't dead!
Many of us endeavor to be monogamous, and quite a number of us in fact succeed!
And not just here and now, either: in the view of some, marriage is eternal and continues into the Next Life. "'Til death do us part" isn't part of our world view.
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Nope it isn't. Did you know the picture can go all the way around too? What I mean is, I just read that there are tribes in India where the women marry the man and his brothers.
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Nope it isn't. Did you know the picture can go all the way around too? What I mean is, I just read that there are tribes in India where the women marry the man and his brothers.
Some people find it easy to accept open marriage but hard to accept monogamy. I wonder why.
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"Despite the loosening of sexual restrictions in recent decades, open relationships and cheating remain highly stigmatized. However, focusing on the problem of cheating distracts us from focusing on the problem of monogamy. Long term sex with just one partner leads to less sexual desire for that partner, regardless of the strength of the emotional relationship."
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"Despite the loosening of sexual restrictions in recent decades, open relationships and cheating remain highly stigmatized. However, focusing on the problem of cheating distracts us from focusing on the problem of monogamy. Long term sex with just one partner leads to less sexual desire for that partner, regardless of the strength of the emotional relationship."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eric-anderson-phd/cheating_b_1528890.html?ref=fb&src=sp&comm_ref=false
That article's definitely worth a read. Biologically we are not wired for monogamy. But there are many benefits to monogamous relationships. Going forward I think we need to find a new approach to relationships by learning how to conceptually separate sexual desire from emotional attachment.
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I would say that it's not dead. Monogamy is a time-tested, time-proven tradition. No it's not easy to maintain but it's definitely worth it to do so.
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I hope it isn't. I hope if @EmeryPark sleeps around that he doesn't feel compelled to report it to me. That would hurt. But, of course, I bought him a pack of rubbers. Just to let him know he should use them if he strays. I know I am in good health and plan to stay that way.
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I hope it isn't. I hope if @EmeryPark sleeps around that he doesn't feel compelled to report it to me. That would hurt. But, of course, I bought him a pack of rubbers. Just to let him know he should use them if he strays. I know I am in good health and plan to stay that way.
There are plenty of women out there who would also change his bank balance to date --- while I don't change his balance at all. I meet him half way, always.
As for me, I have been there, done that. I'm finished and more than happy to stick with just @EmeryPark for the rest of my life. There are so many jerks in this world and STDs out there. It is frightening to me.
This last week-end I went to Disneyland and had a photo-shopped picture done of me with Captain Jack Sparrow. @EmeryPark doesn't like it. No guy wants to see his woman with another man --- even photo-shopped.
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I agree about the numbers of sexual partners, it seemed to wane for awhile with HIV-awareness but now is back in full force (and I love sex but I don't like how-hyper sexualized our culture's become), I'm sure glad I'm not out there on the dating circuit.
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I agree about the numbers of sexual partners, it seemed to wane for awhile with HIV-awareness but now is back in full force (and I love sex but I don't like how-hyper sexualized our culture's become), I'm sure glad I'm not out there on the dating circuit.
But has monogamy ever been alive?
Really, what I mean is, without cheating?
I have one super religious friend, prays for hours weekly on their knees, who has an open marriage but espouses monogamy-only. I've mentioned before a family rabbi espousing monogamy-only who was discovered to be simultaneously having an affair outside his marriage. Ahh, hypocrisy is alive and well. Even a sweet old couple I know, who've been married fifty years and who everyone believes is the absolute personification of monogamy, if you sit and talk with her long enough she'll tell you her husband had an affair at year 9 (and if you get her a little bit drunk she'll admit she took a knife to bed with the intention of ending his extramarital adventure).
The truth is we can never really know what goes on inside someone else's marriage and sometimes we're not even sure of everything going on inside our OWN.
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I wrote this and then decided to back up and apologise in advance. Do not read if you are sensitive to stupidity. I accept that this is kinda stupid but I still believe it.
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I wrote this and then decided to back up and apologise in advance. Do not read if you are sensitive to stupidity. I accept that this is kinda stupid but I still believe it.
No but do you know how much more special a good f*ck would be if we placed a value on it that was so high that you saved it only for the very best person you knew?
I think getting laid has more to do with self these days than it has to do with bringing pleasure to another. Proving to oneself that they are attractive by expressing want, to search for response. Bi-Turbation. Pretty clinical if you ask me...and I think you did.
We have a bunch of physical sensations that feel good. Sneeze, fart, burp and orgasm. Aren't we lucky that someone decided early on that a good ole blast from the a*s wasn't the signature sensation associated with love.
I gotta be honest. I would trade at least three orgasms for one great belch after one of my wife's meals. LOL...man...I am getting old!
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whatever makes you think that previous generations were "more monogamous" than this one?
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whatever makes you think that previous generations were "more monogamous" than this one?
How many wives and concubines did Soloman have? First Kings 11:1-3 indicates that King Solomon had 700 hundred wives and 300 hundred concubines,
because he was /married/ to 700 women, does that make him "monogamous"?
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Human nature? Do you mean feels good? There are many things that are best for us that aren't "natural". There are things I would love to say to people (would you say then it's natural?) but would it be beneficial to do that? Sure, being honest, when you're married there are temptations - and "sin is fun for a season" - but the consequences are numerous, especially to kids. So if you plan not to be monogamous then get yourself fixed please and don't bring children into the hell of divorce, remarriage, blended families, mommy and daddy's new friends, etc. If we did everything that felt "natural" or in other words "feels good" with no restraint - that society is in trouble.
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Without the institution of marriage we resort to "tournament mating".
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