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In this country the Christian churches have mastered charity with all kinds of creative ways to raise money. Being charitable is extolled while being a recipient of charity is looked upon as embarrassing, shameful. "God helps those who help themselves" If you need help you must be deserving of your condition. Giving and recieving has become depersonalized, institutionalized. It's a cultural thing. Not true in other countries where family and friends help eachother to a much greater extent.
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Asking for help admits weakness. Figuring it out yourself instills pride and a sense of accomplishment.
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it depends on what kind of help i'm getting like if i'm getting help with some sort of work i'll take it but i don't like being taken care of
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Generally, we as a group of people view asking for help a form of weakness. Personally, not everything makes clear sense to me so why not ask for help?
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I'm not afraid to ask for help but I've learned harsh lessons whom Not to ask for help. Some people use it as an opportunity to put you down and---if you'll keep those people in your life--- it's better to know Who's Who on the Helpful Side.
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In my experience asking for help is like opening up a world of criticism on yourself. I don't think a lot of people understand what asking for help is actually about. At least for me, when I ask someone for help, I'm not looking for a "miracle" answer that will fix everything, I am looking for something I can add to my life.
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In my experience asking for help is like opening up a world of criticism on yourself. I don't think a lot of people understand what asking for help is actually about. At least for me, when I ask someone for help, I'm not looking for a "miracle" answer that will fix everything, I am looking for something I can add to my life.
I just feel that most "communities" are not fit to be helping each other and that is why people shy away from asking. People would rather keep their heads down and concentrate on their own sh*t then open up to other people. I can't say I blame them as there are so many effed up people out there that when you do open up they can ruin your life. Yes that is on me for not choosing who I am opening up to more carefully but still, too many effed up people around to believe that anyone of them could actually help...
I don't see asking for help as a sign of weakness as I believe the opposite is true. When we are a species that absolutely needs the interaction of others, it seems only logical that asking for help is a strength. I cannot possibly know everything or see everything from every angle. Other people know what I don't know so it is important to keep those kinds of people close. As they say, we are only as strong as our weakest link so if the weakest link is arrogant enough to think they can do it on their own then the entire species fails and that in my eyes is a bigger burden and enough to make me want to ask for help. It's just finding the right help that seems to be the struggle...
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For me, asking for help has meant displaying weakness, opening myself up for criticism and admitting I don't know all the answers. It stirs up deep fear and insecurity. Fear I will be judged and found wanting. Fear people will think less of me and leave me. Fear that I am never good enough.
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For me, asking for help has meant displaying weakness, opening myself up for criticism and admitting I don't know all the answers. It stirs up deep fear and insecurity. Fear I will be judged and found wanting. Fear people will think less of me and leave me. Fear that I am never good enough.
I work hard daily to overcome these deep-seeded barriers. And even though the ground has not opened up and swallowed me whole when I do ask for help, it is still quite a challenge.
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Because depending on other people requires trust. Everyone has expectations in their mind of how any specific situation should be and when reality doesn't live up to it disappointment is felt and trust is lost. Some of us are just running lower on trust than others.
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Probably because seeing someone "go it alone" per se, and come out of a situation unscathed, shows strength, and strength is valued in our society. Whereas normally, people who need "help" with everything, or with themselves, are seen as "weak" and "incapable".
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We often find ourselves in our lives in situations where we are a little lost but can still manage. We fool ourselves into thinking that when we get into situations where we do need help but we still think we can manage no problem.
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We often find ourselves in our lives in situations where we are a little lost but can still manage. We fool ourselves into thinking that when we get into situations where we do need help but we still think we can manage no problem.
I think also we often times want to prove ourselves to someone, maybe ourselves or someone we look up to (our boss?) but when we do need help and don't ask for it we just end up embarrassing ourselves.
We can overcome this though exploring ourselves and knowing our limits, and being able to admit to ourselves that there is nothing wrong with the occasional help from others.
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Foolish pride. Period.
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Foolish pride. Period.
There's good pride, such as in a job well done. But it can grow foolish when we turn down help from others (which can also re-bound to their benefit), just so we can say we did it or got there ourselves . . . or to not "owe them" anything.
It's linked to the foolish idea of turning down a gift someone feels is right to give you with a flippant "Oh, you don't need to!". In many other cultures this is considered a high insult -- and perhaps rightfully so.
Just think; if you were wishing to express your gratitude to someone (without strings of course) and they threw it back in your face just so they could preserve some notion of personal pride.
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Society has always stressed independence over interdependence. It's the whole competition thing Darwin talked about. Instead of working with someone who is greatly accomplished, we have a mindset that we're not good enough and have to beat them to be at the top.
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When one asks for help one is admitting they have a flaw. That’s not easy to do, even if the flaw is something as shameless as not being able to carry something up the stairs or not knowing your way around a strange place.
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When one asks for help one is admitting they have a flaw. That’s not easy to do, even if the flaw is something as shameless as not being able to carry something up the stairs or not knowing your way around a strange place.
The funny thing is, if most people are like me, they are willing to give help all the time and they don’t judge someone who asks for help. So really it doesn’t make any logical sense why we thing that way.
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Last time I asked for help, the guy locked me up in a cramped cage and made me slather cocoa butter on myself. If I ever ask for help again, I want to see the size of the cage first.
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That's what most British folk ask about the devotion to freedom that dominates over talk of "caring community" in the USA..
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That's what most British folk ask about the devotion to freedom that dominates over talk of "caring community" in the USA..
I think many in the US believe that we rely upon our NHS style state provision rather than taking care of each other - and that is certainly true of some folk when it comes to health & well being...
but generally most "care" that leads to health is a family and community thing -
and it is a wonderful source of connectedness that is (IMO) essential for true health...
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Because it's a crap shoot.
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