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College really likes to drive home certain points.
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College really likes to drive home certain points.
1. We are inherently social beings.
2. We need social relationships to survive.
If you truly love a person, you will only want to be with them and make love with them. The person that goes from woman to woman or man to man does not truly love the person he/she is leaving at night. Yet, there are people that separate love and sex. Sex is something social. But when it comes to love and remaining true to the person you love, there is devotion, a promise, to only be social in that way with the person you love. Does that sound selfish? To me, no. It sounds like an honorable person. To remain true to one person and promise to love them. This is why so many marriages fail. People want to be social and cannot make these promises forever.
It also sounds like an excuse. When your wife/husband finds out you cheated, then you reply "If you love me you would let me act out my sexuality." The spouse should reply, "if you love me, act out your sexuality on me."
Who knows? Maybe it is truly selfish. I also don't believe in the statement, "once a cheater, always a cheater."
The person being cheated on has a right to be angry. And people always get mad at those who take back the person that cheated. It looks weak. But it also shows that love can prevail and mistakes can be forgiven.
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ok this was clearly written by a guy who wants justification to hump anything he sees typical If two people are in a committed relationship your making a promise to them and i'll bring it to your level if nothing else its a commitment to sexual safety if you are double or triple dipping who knows what your passing from one person to the next you could live with stds for several years and never know it or do you just not care
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People expect honesty in relationships. If the relationship implies exclusivity, and someone runs errant of that, its like if you promised someone you would be with them on their birthday, and you went out lost your phone, got drunk at clubs and crashed someone else's birthday party... you get the idea.
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People expect honesty in relationships. If the relationship implies exclusivity, and someone runs errant of that, its like if you promised someone you would be with them on their birthday, and you went out lost your phone, got drunk at clubs and crashed someone else's birthday party... you get the idea.
The bigger at least to me seems to be the risk that it isn't just sex and your partner has feelings, emotional and social investment in this other person that may cause you to lose your relationship with that person initiating big life changes, disturbing stability, and begs the question, "If you can do that, what else are you going do to me?"
If you love a person for who they are you don't really care what they stick where but the risk of losing them and losing that love is terrifying. If someone you date or are married to has a close relationship outside of that (or does things that indicate that's a possibility ie: sex with another person) it makes you wonder if they'll leave. Some people emotionally check out because of it before they have a chance to make them feel worse.
And all relationships are inherently selfish and possessive because that's how people are. Some expressions of that just lend better to the freedom in those relationships than others.
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Maybe you should phrase the question differently. Since you use the term monogamous, it implies an exclusive relationship. So if you enter in to a monogamous relationship, your partner is assuming you will have sex only with them. That's why they blow their gasket, because you lied to them.
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Maybe you should phrase the question differently. Since you use the term monogamous, it implies an exclusive relationship. So if you enter in to a monogamous relationship, your partner is assuming you will have sex only with them. That's why they blow their gasket, because you lied to them.
If you love someone for who they are it doesn't mean that you're going to be a doormat for them to wipe their feet on. Should they take any kind of behavior from you to prove that they love you for who you are? That sounds sociopathic.
I don't think monogamy is about controlling another person's sexuality. It's about each person giving up, sacrificing if you will, their right to multiple sex partners, it's not about taking away someone's else's right.
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Monogamy is based on selfishness sure. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but there's no reason to think that open relationships can't work at least as well if not better than monogamous relationships. You just have to acknowledge that sex and love are completely different things. They can certainly overlap, but they don't have to.
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Monogamy is based on selfishness sure. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but there's no reason to think that open relationships can't work at least as well if not better than monogamous relationships. You just have to acknowledge that sex and love are completely different things. They can certainly overlap, but they don't have to.
The problem seems to be that the biological impulses of men and women are opposites. Women are hardwired to raise a family and be monogamous, whereas men are hardwired to spread their seed far and wide. Society tells men to suppress their urges, and for women to embrace theirs.
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Strictly removed from cheating and physical relationships, monogamy is the confidence that you can completely absorb yourself in a single person and not require the company of anyone else. When cheating and unfaithfulness is brought into the equation it is a violation of the trust that accompanies love. Love and intimacy can be separated from monogamy. An intimate relationship revolves around trust of an individual.
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Strictly removed from cheating and physical relationships, monogamy is the confidence that you can completely absorb yourself in a single person and not require the company of anyone else. When cheating and unfaithfulness is brought into the equation it is a violation of the trust that accompanies love. Love and intimacy can be separated from monogamy. An intimate relationship revolves around trust of an individual.
With regards to selfishness, monogamy should be more about luck. You should feel lucky that you and another individual get to spend your lives together and be completely dependent on no one else for intimacy or love. If you can't see yourself as lucky to have one person that makes you complete, then monogamy is not for you.
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To think someone loves someone strictly for "who they are" is a pretty simplistic interpretation of post-modern relationships. Most human association isn't strictly altruistic; it's quid pro quo. For example, a lot of marriages that happened over the course of history, and to this day, happen due to sociopolitical reasons (i.e. money, land, possessions, diplomacy between warring families/tribes, etc.) To think someone dates you simply because they love you for "who you are" completely neglects all the other perks they get by being associated with you (e.g. your fast car, your money, your loft apartment, your sexual prowess, your social circle, your access to drugs, etc.)
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To think someone loves someone strictly for "who they are" is a pretty simplistic interpretation of post-modern relationships. Most human association isn't strictly altruistic; it's quid pro quo. For example, a lot of marriages that happened over the course of history, and to this day, happen due to sociopolitical reasons (i.e. money, land, possessions, diplomacy between warring families/tribes, etc.) To think someone dates you simply because they love you for "who you are" completely neglects all the other perks they get by being associated with you (e.g. your fast car, your money, your loft apartment, your sexual prowess, your social circle, your access to drugs, etc.)
Once people enter any kind of relationship, be it friendship, relationship or otherwise, there are rules that govern said relationship. For monogamy, one of those rules just so happens to be "you don't cheat on me, and I won't cheat on you." Exclusivity is the defining feature of monogamy, and it's not selfish if it's part of the contract you're signing; both members sacrifice the potential of sexual relations with others because they like each other so much that others are ostensibly unnecessary. Part of the reason you're tacitly agreeing to said contract is because of the commitment that says "You are so gosh-darn special and awesome and pretty that I want to only sleep with you and no one else." In other words, getting to control and direct your partner's sexual urges away from others is part of the deal.
Of course you can still feel affectionate towards them if they break the contract, but it is expressed as anger and hostility because the terms of the monogamous contract are pretty clear, and a breach of contract means that whole bit about you being so gosh-darn special and pretty might not apply anymore...and no one likes feeling unspecial to a special someone.
If that strikes you as selfish, what about a situation where a friend flakes out on you to hang out with someone else? Don't you feel slighted? Peeved?
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I don't think being monogomous, polygomous or whatever kind of relationship is automatically deemed "selfish", i think if you agree to it, whole heartedly however (no second thoughts), any relationship can work.
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I don't think being monogomous, polygomous or whatever kind of relationship is automatically deemed "selfish", i think if you agree to it, whole heartedly however (no second thoughts), any relationship can work.
Personally, i would want a monogomous relationship. I get attached and my idea of intimacy is two people opening their hearts to eachother and no one else.
However, having said that, i think there CAN be such a thing is being in love with more than one person for some and maybe to throw a stick in that could be considered selfish? maybe?
But to answer the question, beng monogomous isnt selfish unless one or both of the partners involved are cheating behind the others back and breaking what is supposed to be the point of the relationship. Or if one is being sucked into the relationship, or one person demands more from the other involved.
You're supposed to enjoy the company of the other person, let them be themselves and to always throw a whip into the mix IS selfish. You're monogomous because you want to be.
Love shouldn't take a whole lot of work, in my opinion.
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"/I/ prefer to..."/I/ don't think that..." even all of your views of monogamy start with /I/. It is all about I, I, I.
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It's not selfish at all. I prefer to share myself with one person and she shares herself with me.
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It's not selfish at all. I prefer to share myself with one person and she shares herself with me.
Is love selfish or is it lust that is selfish?
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I don't think monogamy is inherently selfish or unselfish. It's a kind of agreement two people make between each other. One can be possessive or non-possessive in a monogamous relationship, and many people chose to not have other sexual relationships when they're in a monogamous relationship.
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Ha,ha,ha. Ho, ho. Hee, hee, hee. Whew, that's the best one I've heard in a long time!
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Ha,ha,ha. Ho, ho. Hee, hee, hee. Whew, that's the best one I've heard in a long time!
"Is monogamy selfish?" That is really rich.
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This question sounds like it comes from someone who has either never been in a truly committed relationship or who is looking for an excuse to cheat. Monogamy isn't at all selfish. I would get upset if my husband cheated because he was breaking a vow and a promise that he made to me. It has nothing to do with control over someone else's sexuality. It has to do with a mutually made covenant. If someone breaks that covenant, they have broken a serious promise. I have no control over my husband's sexuality; if that were the case, I would get upset when he masturbates. That's just silly. I think you need to look to yourself and why you would think of monogamy this way.
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Depends on who is making the choice. If you are making the decision for your partner, it's selfish. If you are making it for yourself, it's unselfish.
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Depends on who is making the choice. If you are making the decision for your partner, it's selfish. If you are making it for yourself, it's unselfish.
I see lots of unhealthy monogamous relationships, rife with cheating. But I've seen lots of unhealthy polyamorous relationships as well. In fact, percentage-wise, I'd hazard to say that, in general, the polyamorous relationships are less healthy. In the end, you should honor what you signed up for. Betraying such intimate trust is just awful and damaging.
I am polyamorous. And what's funny is that it isn't really about the sex. It's about the relationship. I'd never expect my wife to be into everything I'm into and I will never be into all those things my wife is into. We are very compatible in this regard.
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A friend of mine will eventually cheat on his wife, but it's strange: He says HE gets to do so, because he's a man, but doesn't want HER to cheat, because she's a woman.
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It depends on how you define monogamy. It can be a committed marriage to a single person or it can be considered as a rule to follow in association with sexual fidelity.
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It depends on how you define monogamy. It can be a committed marriage to a single person or it can be considered as a rule to follow in association with sexual fidelity.
The first is significantly broader than the second and when it is defined in that way, total commitment is hard work. The key is the word total. Total is 100 percent. A total commitment is based on an other centeredness that starts with you! trying to think as a selfish person, from your partners perspective.
So, that means, you need to be selfish, but not for yourself.
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Monogamy is UNselfish. It is selfish to want sexual relationships with more than one person. And, it speaks to one's (low) level of true love, for any of their partners.
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