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It seems we mostly understand how powerful forgiveness is, that because we own our own thoughts, only we have the ability to relinquish the blame and resentment we have developed for someone. But do we truly know how to forgive? It's not like it is something that is practiced openly so that we can easily learn, if anything, the media encourages us to point the finger and keep our defenses up.
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It seems we mostly understand how powerful forgiveness is, that because we own our own thoughts, only we have the ability to relinquish the blame and resentment we have developed for someone. But do we truly know how to forgive? It's not like it is something that is practiced openly so that we can easily learn, if anything, the media encourages us to point the finger and keep our defenses up.
The ability to forgive really only comes with a mindset of pure acceptance, that it's not really about the process of forgiving at all but about being able to view people's actions in a way that you never assign blame or get trapped inside someone's negative behaviour.
We make it sound so simple to just forgive someone, but it is not until we can accept people for who they are and not judge, we will always be trapped by how we feel about them.
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One great sutra in Patanjali's Yoga Sutra says that unhappiness is attachment to painful experiences. In other words, the person who most benefits from forgiveness is he or she who forgives, not the perpetrator of the offense. When we don’t forgive, we maintain the attachment to the painful experience in question, which continues to make us suffer. By forgiving, we cut the bonds to that unhappy experience and thus open the way to a lighter, brighter consciousness.
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I interpret the quote to mean forgiveness really has nothing to do with the person I believe has wronged me. Its about wether or not I have the strength to recognize I am no one's victim and there is nothing to forgive. From there I set aside the fear and anger and grow. And oh how wonderful life would be if I could do this perfectly! Also.. I have never heard anyone claim perfect happiness from harbouring resentment...just sayin..
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Sometimes forgiveness comes with time unintentionally. Someone does something and it breaks our heart and then many years later we think of it and it has completely gone. We can ask ourselves "does it really matter" and usually it doesn't and it was only our ego or prejudices that have been violated. Harbouring resentments is unproductive so forgiveness is the easier option. If forgiveness is totally impossible at the time then forgive yourself for not being forgiving. That has worked for me.
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I think forgiveness is the bridge to higher thinking or being. Its akin to mercy which is God's greatest attribute- like Shakespeare- "It is mightier than the mightiest..."
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Like Yahweh, I require blood sacrifices in order to forgive. I have also considered having my child temporarily murdered in an act of scapegoating, so that people can ask me to forgive them vicariously.
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Like Yahweh, I require blood sacrifices in order to forgive. I have also considered having my child temporarily murdered in an act of scapegoating, so that people can ask me to forgive them vicariously.
Only joking of course. I actually like both of your interpretations, and both are true under a limited set of circumstances. However, I can easily imagine scenarios in which the lack of forgiveness would not only be warranted, but would lack the consequences alluded to in this proverb.
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Some people do not know how to forgive. "sorry" is the most over used word in the dictionary (in my mind and experience). I believe in forgiveness to feel better about myself. forgiving someone has allowed me to grow as a person. if the hurt brought upon me was substantial, naturally i would probably reciprocate that negative energy and make the other person feel just as bad. but that only creates a useless cycle of hurt. i know i am much bigger than that. I cannot play that game as i don't have the time for it. We forget that forgiveness is good energy and can bring light to a dark place.
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Sometimes we think that forgiving someone lets the other person off the hook or that they don't "deserve" to be forgiven. But I don't think that's what forgiveness is really about. Like Trustyourheart said, forgiveness is about the person that's doing the forgiving - not the person that hurt you. Forgiveness is about releasing the anger and the hurt feelings towards that person that you have inside yourself. Without forgiveness, YOU will carry that bitterness and anger about what was done to you, not them.
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Sometimes we think that forgiving someone lets the other person off the hook or that they don't "deserve" to be forgiven. But I don't think that's what forgiveness is really about. Like Trustyourheart said, forgiveness is about the person that's doing the forgiving - not the person that hurt you. Forgiveness is about releasing the anger and the hurt feelings towards that person that you have inside yourself. Without forgiveness, YOU will carry that bitterness and anger about what was done to you, not them.
In regards to the quote by Confucius (“"Those who cannot forgive others break the bridge over which they themselves must pass."), I think he's referring to the fact that none of us are perfect and therefore we each will find ourselves on the other side of the bridge asking for forgiveness. If you love someone and spend there WILL BE a time that we handle things the wrong way, say something we don't mean, or hurt someone (intentionally or not). If we can't forgive others, how could we ever ask someone we love to forgive us?
I think there is another element to forgiveness as well. While we have to learn to forgive others, we also have to learn how to forgive ourselves. Forgiving yourself requires being completely honest with ourselves and to take full accountability for what we may have done. Once we forgive ourselves we can release the embarrassment, sadness, or anger of how we have treated others or handled certain situations. Letting that go will ultimately help us take a step forward.
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I have forgiven some close to me, but traumatic experiences. such as being badly hurt early in life, will always, I think, take an emotional toll. I don't think we can avoid this. So forgiveness cannot be denial, but rather something transcendent. Repressed anger can result in depression and somatic reaction. Maybe the metaphor is that you must lighten the load -- the anger, sorrow -- on yourself (otherwise you may break the bridge) and so that you will not inflict pain on others.
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I think forgiveness means erasing a debt. In finance when a debt is forgiven it means that you no longer have to pay. Everything is set at zero again. In human relationships, forgiveness is the same thing. When a person trespasses against you, you have the option to either require and eye for an eye or you can set their balance at zero again.
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I think forgiveness means erasing a debt. In finance when a debt is forgiven it means that you no longer have to pay. Everything is set at zero again. In human relationships, forgiveness is the same thing. When a person trespasses against you, you have the option to either require and eye for an eye or you can set their balance at zero again.
As for your quote, I think it's very true. We will all have to cross that bridge sometime in our lives. If you cannot forgive others their trespasses, you cannot expect others to forgive you when you trespass against them. The karma, do unto other principle at work.
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I think that the bridge is what leads you to keep moving forward....it takes you safely over troubles..and if you refuse to forgiv, you take the path that does not lead to the bridge
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“Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”—Unknown
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“Not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”—Unknown
Forgiving is about the person doing the forgiving. It's about deciding whether to hold anger or release it . How do you want to feel? It’s your choice. Forgiveness is not condoning the actions of the other party. . Forgiving is not saying is OK for someone to treat you poorly, it's saying you love yourself enough to let it go, to stop being angry and hurt by it anymore, it's saying we're all human and doing the best we can, if someone is not able at this time to treat you with the respect you deserve don't spend time with them, but by all means don't carry around the burden of the pain and resentment about what they did. Send to them light and love in your every thought of them in the hope that it helps them find their way. Continue to hope for their sake they discover a better way to treat people. Forgiveness frees YOU to live and to love freely, completely, to feel joy. It frees you to still love the person who hurt you, even if your aware it's not healthy to spend time with them. What the world needs is more love, not resentment, anger and pain.
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Those who can not forgive them self or others, keep them self as an island..separated
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Those who can not forgive them self or others, keep them self as an island..separated
Forgiving someone does not mean that you need be friends or even like them..it just means that you are not an enemy..
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"Those who cannot forgive others break the bridge over which they themselves must pass."
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"Those who cannot forgive others break the bridge over which they themselves must pass."
I'm a proud bridge burner. I don't travel backwards.
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Thank you all for this thread. It was just what I needed at the very moment I needed it. I am dealing with a family situation of putting my Mom in a home to die. Mom is depending on all of us, but cussing us all out for every slight in the past 60 years. "Don't burn your bridges while you are still standing on them." was the exactly right thing to say to her. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
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Thank you all for this thread. It was just what I needed at the very moment I needed it. I am dealing with a family situation of putting my Mom in a home to die. Mom is depending on all of us, but cussing us all out for every slight in the past 60 years. "Don't burn your bridges while you are still standing on them." was the exactly right thing to say to her. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
I am also taking in all the things that the Christians on SP have to say about forgiving. Not being Christian, I did not know what I could say to smooth the ruffled feathers of the Christian members of my family. You are all helping me through a very trying time with all that is in this thread. Thank you all. You are a blessing to me.
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He's right. If you can't forgive yourself, you can't forgive others. Quite often, you're better off working on forgiving yourself since you can't force people to forgive you.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhtsP4mz_n4&context=C4fa3c23ADvjVQa1PpcFMLUgfwb1MOHvPbEcIuDgtW6xmuNO0u44U=
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhtsP4mz_n4&context=C4fa3c23ADvjVQa1PpcFMLUgfwb1MOHvPbEcIuDgtW6xmuNO0u44U=
My own take is that forgetting to hate is more use than remembering to forgive. I have no enemies to remember. :)
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I interpret the bridge as the future, unattached conceptually to whether you walk into the future with the person you've forgiven or who has forgiven you, failing to forgive holds us in the past suck hoping the past will change - forgiving is really giving up hope that past events will ever change. Forgiving frees us to walk into our futures unencumbered.
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I say burn that bridge after you get across so the person that keeps hurting you cant not follow.
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I don't think that you should have to forgive somebody for continuing to hurt you. Do not say sorry! Just don't do it again. In this scenario forgiveness is just giving permission to do it again and again and again and again and again and again. I will never forgive my dad for what he did. He is gone from my life and will never be able to hurt me again. I am truly better person and live my life to the fullest. It is so much easier when you don't have someone in your life constantly dragging you down.
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I don't think that you should have to forgive somebody for continuing to hurt you. Do not say sorry! Just don't do it again. In this scenario forgiveness is just giving permission to do it again and again and again and again and again and again. I will never forgive my dad for what he did. He is gone from my life and will never be able to hurt me again. I am truly better person and live my life to the fullest. It is so much easier when you don't have someone in your life constantly dragging you down.
If other people want to forgive that is fine. But forgiving people won't instantly make your life better. You have to choose a happy life. I get real tired of miserable people telling me I need to forgive. My life is full of love laughter and dance. Insanity is forgiving over and over again expecting different results.
My past is behind me. I guarantee I will never have to go back over any bridges I have already crossed.
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I've always liked "don't burn your bridges while you're still standing on them."
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I've always liked "don't burn your bridges while you're still standing on them."
Forgivness lightens the load of the forgiver; it doesn't matter what it does to the forgiven.
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Hello friend. That is a good quote. Since this is Easter it's a good thing to remember how Christ went to the cross for the forgiveness of sin. Not only did He walk the bridge, He built the bridge.
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I think prolly a little of both and what @Tzvi said. Most of us being human, we all make mistakes...and I think, most of the time "forgiveness" should come in time. Carrying around that bitterness will eat a hole right through one's "soul". perhaps the most important forgiveness..ought to be ourselves.
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The bridge is trust. When we are pained, we lose sight of trust. To forgive others is to give them opportunities to come nearer to you. To not forgive is to break the bridge of trust. The less you forgive, the less trust, the less trust the less bridges people can use to come near to you. A painful self inflicted punishment for the social animal.
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The bridge is trust. When we are pained, we lose sight of trust. To forgive others is to give them opportunities to come nearer to you. To not forgive is to break the bridge of trust. The less you forgive, the less trust, the less trust the less bridges people can use to come near to you. A painful self inflicted punishment for the social animal.
The less you trust, the less you are trusted.
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I think it has to do with the HERE and NOW and the "bridge" is a personal one we must cross on our own to get to our full potential as human beings.
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I think that the need to forgive, generally speaking, comes around to us all in time. It is just part of living with people (including ourselves?!)
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I think that the need to forgive, generally speaking, comes around to us all in time. It is just part of living with people (including ourselves?!)
But I think it also applies to specific incidents in our lives that we are having trouble forgiving -- or need to ask forgiveness for. Unforgiveness is one of the greatest things holding us back as a species imho. It is resenting -- and even tearing down -- the bridge that will take us from somewhere dark to somewhere a lot brighter.
And it would be wonderful if both trespasser and trespassee could both cross this bridge together. But often this doesn't happen. Sometimes one finds the bridge before the other. So don't stay somewhere dark just because your "opponent" on this issue isn't there yet . . . or are there but are not yet ready to cross out of darkness.
You take the bridge. Leave it intact for them. Perhaps leave a proverbial candle burning on the dark side of the bridge to help them find it if and when they're ready. From the brighter bank you can look back and see them with a degree of compassion and concern that you might not have been able to when surrounded by darkness.
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Maybe the point is that we are on a bridge heading over to the "other side". Egyptians used a ferry boat. Chinese choose a bridge. Jim Morrison chose to attempt a more agressive methodology of "breaking through"
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