With me it happens when I stand back and look at the person himself, his demeanor, how he treats other people, his attitude, the way he treats me, and the way he treats animals. Is he a snob? Can he be humble? Is he on time, or does he think he is the most important being on earth, and others will have to wait for him? Does he say he will call and then doesn't? I look at his table manors and the way he dresses. All this before I will let him date me. Needless to say, most men in my life pass all of these tests. The ones who didn't, I have forgotten their names and they are invisible to me.

All except one man, who I married because it was obvious he was the father of my first child. What was I thinking as a teen-ager??!! I made a child with an as*hole alcoholic, who beat me and treated all other people like they were not good enough for mere kindness and consideration. Life with him was hell.

I instilled the above test in my life. A man had to pass this initial test, or I wouldn't even finish the first date. I would walk out on him mid-date.

My life-partner now is a man I did not like on Soul Pancake. I did not like his attitude, or his music. I gave him my phone number knowing that he wouldn't call it.
He called it just seconds after he got it. He played the banjo and sung to me. He was charming and I had to meet him. I just knew, somehow, I just knew I would love him. Upon meeting him, I saw kind eyes and his kiss ---- well, I hope to never recover. He passed all of my tests. I like most that he treats his animals with kindness and dignity. He treats waitresses and waiters with respect and compassion. Could I make a life with this man? Yes. But more than that, I cannot think of my life without him in it.