SoulPancake / Conversations / Would you let a homeless person in to your home?

Jump into a Conversation about Life's' Big Questions

knowrelapse

- 4 months ago

Feature
0
Like
Follow

Would you let a homeless person in to your home?

I recently became friends with a homeless gentleman over the last month and a half. I see him every day after class on the walk home and I stop by to see him on weekends. He is an interesting person with a good heart. His story is a lot like my own and I could be in his shoes right now if not for a few fortunate breaks over the past year. I deeply sympathize with the homeless and I often write about social issues pertinent to homeless people. Really though...I've become friends with this man, his name is Howard, and I enjoy our conversations (many times the conversations will last for over an hour). The last week or so the weather has been unforgivingly cold. I worry about him. I even gave him my number in case he needed anything. I thought about asking him if he'd like to stay at my place on the really cold nights. This is a perplexing and troubling issue that I think about frequently. I don't know what to do. It seems wrong...it seems illogical...that when our conversations end I go back to my apartment and he sleeps out in the bitter cold. What would you do?

Recent Discussed Liked

First level responses second level responses

I would let him into my home! Why not? You're only helping him.

I had two homeless "kids" stay with my family last summer. They were a couple, D (the guy) and L, the girl was only a year or two younger than me at that time. I sympathized with the backpacking aspect of their journey, and struck up a conversation with L as I waited for the bus. She was really sweet and had spent some time on the road with D. When I got back from my quick round trip they were still at the bus stop. I was living with my mom and (much) younger brother at the time, and my only concern with inviting these strangers into my home and life was the (clear and repeatedly stated) concern for my brother's well-being.
It was not an instantaneous transition of them being on the streets one day and living in my attic the next - my family and I had a number of conversations about the living situation, respecting the space we had built as a family and what it meant to share what we could to a reasonable extent. I feel like there are a lot of ways now that I would act differently to the situation now, but I grew tremendously as a person through the experience of sharing my home with people less fortunate people. My family did not have extravagant means of supporting ourselves at the time so people would often ask why or how we could lend our support to other when we were just getting by. I believe that we did what we could (possibly more than we "should" have, but who is to judge that measure?) and that it wasn't for naught.
The situation worked out about 50/50. L ended up turning her life around - she went back to school, developed an incredible enthusiasm for Eastern philosophical teachings, and is finishing up her GED now (high school diploma for Canadian who dropped out). She still keeps in regular contact with my mom and I. D took a darker path and left on poor terms, but I feel like there was something to be learned from that experience as well.
I don't regret talking to those kids, including them in my life, or even eventually inviting them into my home (even though at the time I often did). I learned to be more empathetic and respectful of the situations of those around me in many contexts, and I think that was a valuable situation. I'm impressed by the change I've seen in L, and for that I feel like the drama and uncertainty at the time was worth the outcome.

You sound like you have already made a decision. So the only safe advice would be for you to leave a hidden clue for others to find if your decision becomes troublesome. With this clue you need to get all “true” information you can about this individual, his “real name,” photograph finger prints. Everything you think will help track this person. Also you should leave a note for the people you may leave behind for closer. This is all for worst case scenario and I hope it doesn’t come to that.

PS: Why can’t you help this person find a job on your off time since you consider him a friend?

I really appreciate all the feedback regardless of whether we share the same opinion. I talked to Howard again today as I do every day after class. He's doing better. He will be staying at the Samaritan House for a few days to get out of the elements and continue his job search. He also mentioned a woman who asked him to "cat-sit" for her while she goes out-of-town. Given that information, I think we can dispel some of the notion that he is an untrustworthy person. I won't say I'm naïve because I'm not. I don't know Howard well enough to say that I didn't have doubts about certain safety or trust issues. I want to believe that he is a good person but I can't really give hard proof as I have only had conversations with him on a sidewalk on a daily basis for two months...and that's it. I will say that I am saddened by the cynicism I hear from certain viewpoints insisting that homeless people are the product of drug abuse, criminal activity, or some other activity associated with lack of character. To think that is dehumanizing. Pigeon-holing a whole group of people based on perceptions or even your personal observations are unfair. Shouldn't we first give someone a chance before we make a decision on who they are? Is it fair to say that all Asians are bad drivers or all African-Americans are a certain way (yeah, I didn't go there)? I don't think so. I live my life giving everyone a chance to know me and for me to know them regardless of any societal stereotypes or prejudices. To do otherwise is dehumanizing and perpetuates an already difficult situation for that person. It damages their spirit. I know this because I had my own experience with a degenerating sense of self. I made some mistakes and I faced legal problems. It wasn't who I was. It was who I became in a very bad time in my life. When faced with individuals who only knew me in trouble, I was treated like a second-class citizen. It hurt my soul. They didn't see a good Father to two beautiful girls...they saw a bad person. The people who judged me didn't see that one mistake shouldn't replace 36 years of being a good person (my offense wasn't that severe...if you're wondering). I know that my recovery had little to do with the punitive nature of the cynics. My recovery did have to do with every person who treated me like a human being and a lot of good people telling me, 'you know who you are...don't listen to the negative people.' I understand the reality of being safe. I understand the reality of getting hurt. I know that many people have screwed me over in my lifetime and none of them needed to be homeless to do it. Once again, I greatly appreciate all opinions on this. I presented the question because it was at the forefront of my mind never thinking I would find a practical solution. I still don't. I will continue to be Howard's friend and I will continue to keep up with him. Even if he messed up (barring any exceptionally heinous crimes) he still deserves a chance and he's worth something to me...

P.S. No proofread on this one. I spent four hours in class today and an hour talking to Howard. I'm tired...

Honestly, no. They may steal. They get to know me. I don't like that.

The Muslims have a saying, "Trust in God, but tie your camel." I would help and I would not leave anything around that I would miss were it taken.

Help him.

Live simply so others can simply live.

It's interesting that you ask this question. My sister-in-law ran away from home last year and long story short has finally agreed to live with some friends of her parents. During her time away from home, she brushed shoulders with a lot of homeless people and the people she's living with right now made the rule that she wasn't allowed to bring friends over that they didn't know.

However, last Friday, she called and explained that she understood the rules, but she had a friend who stayed out too late and wasn't able to get into the shelter before they closed up for the night and needed a place to stay. Our friends allowed her to stay with them, and admittedly it was very uncomfortable for them, but they put themselves out there.

I don't know honestly know what I would do in that situation. I've been on the brink of homeless during my parent's divorce and my mother, now that she has a bigger home, has always said how she would be able to house at least 8 more people if she put out mattresses around the house, and we have had friends who were homeless live in our living room for a while, but now that I'm out of the house, with my husband, young, unsure of the world these days and living in a 900 sq. ft. apartment that I like to keep very clean and since I am VERY much a recluse I don't know that I would let a stranger into my home. I've given people rides, have heard great stories, have heard sad stories, sometimes have heard nothing edifying at all, but to let someone into your house when you are most vulnerable is something new and foreign to me.

I think that each situation is different, I think the relationship between the two people, if there is one, is also a big factor.

No. I just wouldn't be able to handle the awkwardness of that situation. Far too much stress.

You need to find out why he's not staying at a shelter. Often if a homeless person is literally sleeping on the street, its because they aren't welcome at local shelters because of their behavior, or drugs or alcohol. He needs a caseworker, someone who has the resources to help him. Whether you let him sleep on your couch is on you, but be cautious.

Read the Good Samaritan Luke 10:25-37.The Good Samaritan did not bring the man to his home, but to an Inn and paid for his expenses. I suggest you do the same. Maybe buy him food, blanket, and help him find shelters. May I also suggest Matthew 6:24–33 and trust God will meet his needs. You are a good person for helping him.

Just keep the relationship where it is. Trust me, you talking with him is enough in his eyes. Take him to lunch though. It's your call though, I see your heart and I agree with you. Homeless issues bother me, really. I don't understand it... :[

It's like hitchhiking was in the 70s. Usually everything was all right; or you may have been picked up by Jeffrey Dahmer. You have to weigh the pros and the cons and see which side wins.

The sad reality is that most - not all - but most homeless have substance abuse problems, mental problems, or both. Some of these folks would have been institutionalized before the government cut funding for mental hospitals. It's a huge problem. You can be the best of friends, but don't invite him into your home.

First give the guy respect and ask him what his dream goal is. Does he even want to change his homeless situation, maybe get a job, get a place to live, or is he just needing to be where he is.
Some people do choose to be out there.
If he wants to change things use your good heart, energy and resources to help him through the proper channels.
If you give a man a fish you have helped him for a day. If you teach him to fish you help him for life.
Find a shelter he can get in that helps the individual get a job or get benefits. The US (if this is where you are) does have allot of programs to help folks like him but if you are him where do you begin with no address, no phone/internet, no clean clothes. You can do research, get any need forms, get him to facilities and help him that way.
But even if he chooses to keep his current life, you can still help him by doing some laundry and/or get him some cloths, take him food, (if you can afford it) maybe even find a cheap hotel with a week or week-end rate you can cover to give him a break and a warm bed for a little while.
Just please understand that no matter how pleasant the conversations... you do not know him! His heart may actually be good but even then... desperate people do desperate things. Bringing him into your home and/or handing him cash is not a good choice for either of you. As it's been said... you may only set him up for failure.
It's awesome you care! Kudos!

Homelessness is a growing problem in this country .
( there are 25% homeless people in Greece right now !! )
In my area , shelters and food banks are overwhelmed .
Many of the new homeless were " middle class" people who have lost their jobs and homes .
No doubt , he has"issues " ...many of the homeless have serious mental health issues .
I think that what is important here is your feeling of liking talking to him...there seems to be a meaningful mutually uplifting exchange .
Your attitude of kindness maybe even more that the thought of giving him a place out of the cold
maybe the biggest gift you can offer .
Unfortunately , I think , we live in a suspicious society ...where we attribute such unfortunate realities as homelessness to defects in our fellow men and women . And yes , it seems that many suffer from some form addiction or mental illness .
What you might try is talking to him about your thought of letting him stay nights with you out in the cold .
Get his thoughts ....
If it comes to having him stay at your place , agree upon a set of firm expectations and responsibilities .
A contract if you will .
There is the explorations of services available in your community also ...such things could be shared .
Above all things , do not be afraid to " get involved " friend .

When I lived on the Navajo reservation , for weeks in the Winter , the temperature was 30 below zero ( without the wind chill factor ) .
Shelters were over run and many slept out in the cold...I was driving ambulance at the time and would daily pickup one or two people who had frozen to death daily during the night .
I had an average of three to five Navajos on my floor every night .
Occasionally , I would share my food with them .
Also , they didn't use food stamps on the reservation rather bulk foodstuffs from the gov . and they would bring that with them and we would all have a happy meal .
I was NEVER taken advantage of and in fact gained a number of close friends among them .
There was no problems with any of my " regulars " . None .

I remember a story the minister of my church told me about something that had happened to him..
this was back in the sixties...

A man came to the church asking if he could sleep on a pew for the night . The Reverend after thought said " no " .
The next morning , the news said that a homeless man was sleeping under a truck in a lot..the driver started the truck and ran over the mans head.
My minister was haunted by his decision to not provide a place for the night for this guy .
I say this not to make you feel guilty rather to point out things that can and do happen .

The greatest gift you can give your friend is hope , a sense of acceptance and friendship and a sense of dignity .
I am confident you will make the useful decision regarding your situation !

Another thought: Also remember that once in your home he is going to be presented with abundant temptation to help himself to things perhaps to convert them to cash. Even if the intent is not openly malicious, someone who's been on the street for a while is used to "seizing opportunities" and disappearing back onto the streets.

Such a breach-of-trust will hurt both Howard and you. He will have to live with the fact he's hurt someone of good heart who just tried to help him and it will probably be a long time before you will reach out to anyone in need again.
Do what you must to guard against this happening. It is counter-productive x2!

I once gave a young hitchhiker a lift in a snowstorm. He was ill-dressed for the conditions. Whenever we stopped for fuel or breaks, I made him get out of my car. Even though he said he wanted to stay where it was warm, didn't want to go in for a break. I told him he could either come into the store for a break or hang around outside in the storm.
After doing this a few times (it was a long trip) I came out to find him gone. What of his "destination"? Was that his true goal? Or was his main drive to be alone with my belongings with the hopes of helping himself?

Your heart is in the right place.
But I think your mind is as well, to have misgivings.

People can mis-represent themselves, even in hours-long conversations. Inviting someone into your home who is content to simply drift through life picking up whatever they can along the way, is going to be like inviting a dependent (a child?) into your home. One who may not leave. They can be the nicest person in the world . . . but if they are in a "hand out" rather than a "hand up" mode you are going to have to feel "the schmuck" anyways when it's time to evict them out of your home months or years later.

Listen to your heart, but also to your head. If you are going to put a roof over his head (and the next step is food in his stomach and clothes on his back) it would be reasonable to want a plan in place for him to work and contribute, with an eye on getting him back on his own feet. Are you up to such a rehabilitative challenge physically, emotionally, financially, and time-wise? If so, it will be so rewarding for both of you.
The biggest question you will need to answer if you are considering this route is this: Is Howard a self-starting looking for a hand up . . . or a drifter (and a good talker) looking for a hand out?

There quite likely are warm places around in the community for him to stay should he wish it enough to adhere to their rules. You can still associate with him, talk with him, help him find leads and opportunities and "ways out" should he wish it.
Maybe research some options for him and present them to him. How he responds to this will give you a good idea what Howard has in mind: whether to continue drifting or to get back up on his feet.

ya know, there are homeless shelters.

I would not let a stranger...homeless or not...sleep in my house. I wouldn't give 'em my phone number or address, either.

and there are a lot of reasons why people are homeless...sometimes it truly is "bad luck"...sometimes it is a choice. and /sometimes/ they are not really homeless. you could offer to take him to the shelter...see what he says.

Probably not a good idea but what do I know?

@knowrelapse

Follow Message

More Conversations from knowrelapse

What is this poem about? 2 Responses Have you ever withheld from a person that you were in love with them? Why? 4 Responses Does anyone else feel guilty when they don't give SoulPancake its due but then feel guilty for... 3 Responses Anyone ever thought of the #delete button and #undo as the time machine of the #Computer... 2 Responses Don't you love Twitter Bots (Automated Twitter for non-techies)? 2 Responses

Show More ↓

SoulPancake

knowrelapse

Would you let a homeless person in to your home?

emmtaylor

I would let him into my home! Why not? You're only helping him.

thatcanuck

VeggieVampire

knowrelapse

Propaganda

Honestly, no. They may steal. They get to know me. I don't like that.

Caeparris

The Muslims have a saying, "Trust in God, but tie your camel." I would help and I would not leave anything around that I would miss were it taken.

RyanCantDrum

Help him.

Live simply so others can simply live.

Phylsgyrl

1werd

No. I just wouldn't be able to handle the awkwardness of that situation. Far too much stress.

LindsayLuWho

Dalaimama

elleington

Just keep the relationship where it is. Trust me, you talking with him is enough in his eyes. Take him to lunch though. It's your call though, I see your heart and I agree with you. Homeless issues bother me, really. I don't understand it... :[

PopeSkippyXVI

It's like hitchhiking was in the 70s. Usually everything was all right; or you may have been picked up by Jeffrey Dahmer. You have to weigh the pros and the cons and see which side wins.

Brensty

MomNosBest

synergy

Griz

Griz

melb2

insincerelyme

Probably not a good idea but what do I know?

Would you let a homeless person in to your home?

I would let him into my home! Why not? You're only helping him.

Honestly, no. They may steal. They get to know me. I don't like that.

The Muslims have a saying, "Trust in God, but tie your camel." I would help and I would not leave anything around that I would miss were it taken.

Help him. Live simply so others can simply live.

No. I just wouldn't be able to handle the awkwardness of that situation. Far too much stress.

Just keep the relationship where it is. Trust me, you talking with him is enough in his eyes. Take him to lunch though. It's your call though, I see your heart and I agree with you. Homeless issues bother me, really. I don't understand it... :[

It's like hitchhiking was in the 70s. Usually everything was all right; or you may have been picked up by Jeffrey Dahmer. You have to weigh the pros and the cons and see which side wins.

Probably not a good idea but what do I know?

What's Next?

Help him.

Live simply so others can simply live.