SoulPancake / Conversations / When do you give up on someone?

reply

when your quality of life is sinking into a hole with that person. Empathy.. not sympathy people. you can't help those that refuse to help themselves.. the people that want to fade away will do just that. I have used my precious energy and time trying to help those that don't want help, it affected my health, my schoolwork, my friendships, my family.

I can't regret it because I know I tried my hardest to help someone I love

reply

I don't know. I'm the type of person who tries to kind of see the best in everyone. I can cut someone off for being shady or cruel to me, but it doesn't mean that I don't think they have worth as a person. I still believe and hope they can be a better person, I just don't deal with them. Sometimes you have to care about people from a distance. Believing in them doesn't mean you have to be in their face all the time.

reply

when they decide that your cousin is exceptionally more interesting, beautiful, and intelligent than you are.

reply

I think if it comes to the point when whatever you are dealing with another person begins to impact yourself negatively, then it may be time for some self-reflection & giving up may be the best solution. However, it some cases even if you have given up it is still important to support the person & let them know you are always there

reply

You give up on someone when they give up on themselves. It is unfortunate that I have this mindset, but my family has been going through this problem with my Aunt, and personally I have finally given up. She claims that she will get better, and makes all of these promises, but they are empty and she doesn't care. So when she gave up on herself, I also gave up on her. Its sad, but needed to be done.

reply

If we give up on some one what does that actually mean? It is difficult if you don't get along with an "inherited" family member but if you give up doesn't that mean you just get to be yourself without making an effort for them to like or approve of you. I would seriously like some advice on this also. I have a relative I would love to "like" me and I now know that no matter what I do she just isn't going to. I can still love her but I just don't "cut the mustard" with her. I know that if I could stop caring it wouldn't hurt so much.

reply

When they've given up on me.

reply

I think I would view it differently. I never "give up" on someone. Because they are not my project. They are their own project. I am the captain of my ship and they are the captains of theirs. I may choose to adjust my distance to them and 'steer clear' if our encounters are fraught with excess, chronic or manufactured negative energy / exhausting drama / general static.

reply

I find that giving someone advice is just that. Just advice. People think for themselves and do whatever they want. Their is definitely a difference between what's best for someone and what that person wants. In that regard, it's easy to give logical advice from an outsider's perspective. It seems practical when you're not the one involved in the situation. But when you are involved it rarely is.

This is the real world and not everyone is going to get a long. That's just a fact of life. And with how sensitive everyone is nowadays, it makes it really hard to be honest with someone that you're not good friends with. My advice would be if this particular person is asking for advice, give it to them. But when you do it don't expect them to react in any certain way. If they truly feel that your advice is worthwhile, they will take it.

reply

With an adult, when it's obvious they don't want your help/input/friendship in the way you're offering it.

(Keeping in mind that their "not wanting to get along with us" can so very easily become befuddled with them resisting our efforts to control them! A little something picked up from "helping them make better choices". It's "help" when they are free to take or reject it as they wish and it doesn't affect the relationship. It's "control" when their not taking it becomes a reason to give them the boot.)

reply

There might be a point where you stop "trying" to change or help someone but I don't think anyone fully closes the door on someone. Especially when it is someone you care about and are trying to help. Everyone moves at their own pace. Never closing the door makes you the stronger person because when they are ready you will be there.

reply

Team SP

Love this question. I try to offer the person love/compassion, even if I don't agree with their actions. This is a meditation that I've been using with a research group for a few weeks.

You can't change another person, which we all find frustrating. You can, however, change your reaction to that person. I'm not sure it requires letting them go (unless they are REALLY bothering you), but choosing not to play the game.

What do you think?

reply

IDK, I see on FB, when someone is consistently not into what I am into, I usually unsubscribe from them. I give wide leeway on that, and especially look at, "is what they are saying makes me feel bad consistently and completely a different language".

With relationships, when I do not like someone like they like me, I find usually only way to get out of it is to make myself as horrible as possible until they hate my guts and leave me alone.

reply

I tend to continue to extend trust and access to people over and over. Heck, I still talk to my ex-wife (who was horrible to me). I don't have any romantic feelings for her at all, but I still try to keep the lines of communication open for our two children. I can't think of anyone that I've literally given up on.

Perhaps it is because I know how it feels to be given up on.

reply

First, I think you have to come to terms with the fact that you can't change someone. You can't make someone make better choices or change their behavior they have to want to do that for themselves. Your answer will depend largely on what this person's relationship is to you. Is it a friend, spouse, your child, a family member? There are certain relationships you can walk away from easier than others. Consider the relationship and the consequences if any of walking away. Then take action knowing you've made an effort and done the best you can do.

reply

Fairly simple sounding - when the realisation dawns that one is doing no good and possible harm for no personal reward...

unfortunately some people have a way of making you lose focus on the fact of this state arriving...

SoulPancake

rockman0

When do you give up on someone?

soulcough

fabfixator

JosephineBrady

when they decide that your cousin is exceptionally more interesting, beautiful, and intelligent than you are.

carlingxo

peacelovetorie

learner

robitie_recall

When they've given up on me.

Me2You

CaseyGriffin21

Griz

WarmRyBread

rulebreaker

willspirit

zamfir

Novelist65

flashbanding

Fairly simple sounding - when the realisation dawns that one is doing no good and possible harm for no personal reward...

unfortunately some people have a way of making you lose focus on the fact of this state arriving...

When do you give up on someone?

when they decide that your cousin is exceptionally more interesting, beautiful, and intelligent than you are.

When they've given up on me.

Fairly simple sounding - when the realisation dawns that one is doing no good and possible harm for no personal reward...unfortunately some people have a way of making you lose focus on the fact of this state arriving...

What's Next?

Fairly simple sounding - when the realisation dawns that one is doing no good and possible harm for no personal reward...

unfortunately some people have a way of making you lose focus on the fact of this state arriving...