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Avoiding details and leaving out important things, is a lie of omission. The thing about lying, at least for me; it makes it very difficult to take on face value anything the person has to say after that. I find myself questioning everything a liar has said. I don't have time for this. I have honest people to deal with.
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I find it strange that some seem to encourage their children to lie. For example asking a child if they have eaten the chocolate when it's all around their mouths, When there is split milk and asking who did it when obviously they were the only person in the room. Kids have incredibly short memories and have quickly moved on and hardly think of what went before. Why not just say "I see you have eaten the chocolate" or lets wipe this milk up. Questions can be answered without actually having to lie. When my grandchildren asked me if Santa really existed I happily told them that those who do believe in him seem to get more presents. When they asked about God I was able to tell them that a lot of people all around the world wonder about that question. For myself I dont think evading or avoiding the question is as bad as an out and out lie. I defend myself by saying that I don't lie, I sometimes embroider a story. Does that let me off the hook?
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Here's my take on lying; I don't believe stories of Santa, Easter Bunny, etc. are lies - clearly they are fairy-tales or myths designed to pass-on values or life-lessons. That is because they are "other" based and not "me" based. They are not "lies" because the telling of these stories do not impact the teller directly. My test for lying then is that the teller tells the lie from a place of "fear" or "desire." The objective of the lie is to secure or assuage the tellers perceived life. (As Jung would define, their "ego"). At the heart of a true lie is personal gain.
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Here's my take on lying; I don't believe stories of Santa, Easter Bunny, etc. are lies - clearly they are fairy-tales or myths designed to pass-on values or life-lessons. That is because they are "other" based and not "me" based. They are not "lies" because the telling of these stories do not impact the teller directly. My test for lying then is that the teller tells the lie from a place of "fear" or "desire." The objective of the lie is to secure or assuage the tellers perceived life. (As Jung would define, their "ego"). At the heart of a true lie is personal gain.
I have made a conscious attempt to renew my affinity for the truth as I've seen how lying has corrupted what was my chosen profession, the law. I personally believe there are "universal truths" but the advent and embracing of lying as a way of rationalizing the truth has caused a moral erosion - to the point the highest judges in the land have concluded that our founding fathers would have agreed that "corporations are indeed 'people' privileged to the rights guaranteed by our Constitution" if not the liabilities associated with "humanity." A lot of people are now asking how we got here, to "Citizens United." Well, this is a movement that's been "trending" for decades, I debated it in Law School in the 80's. The truth is, democracy is a tricky proposition, as Jefferson reminds us, it takes faith, real faith in the wisdom of the common man. Unfortunately, people of power tend to be highly educated and wealthy, as C. Wright Mills defined them "elites." And the problem with elites is that they believe in themselves and do not have faith in "common people." In fact, they fear "the masses" and believe that they know best for themselves and others - and are, by definition, anti-democratic. Today, our Supreme Court is an example of an institution run by "elites" and, as such, find comfort in the idea that society is best run by other elites; corporations, institutions, powerful individuals that "know" what is best for others. This is a lie we all face today, unfortunately, history teaches us repeatedly, with the fall of every "empire," from the the Soviet Union to Wall Street, elites repeatedly act in their own interest and not in the interest of "society." Without faith in others, one will lie.
I try hard not to lie, including "omissions" or "small lies" to make someone "feel better." I respect myself too much to lie, and, more importantly, I respect others too much to lie. Does this cost me friends? I don't think so, without mutual respect you don't have real friendship, you have a "like" button, a mutual-admiration society. True friendship is knowing someone has your back, and you theirs...in spite of your flaws. Does the truth hurt? Sometimes, but it's a foundation that doesn't shift, that lasts, that can be counted-on. So, when my girlfriend asks; "do these jeans make my butt look fat?" I answer; "no." Hey, I never said I was perfect, just trying...
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I really don't understand why people lie all of the time. In most cases if you just tell the truth more positive results will come of it, especially when you are a child and the stakes are not that high. I guess part of it is human nature and trying to cover up for what you did wrong. Telling the truth pays off.
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The fact that someone has lied is always secondary for me. What, to me, is more insulting, is for someone to lie and then think I am stupid enough to have believed any of it.
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Please call your kids out on being liars. Lying and deflection is the path of comfort, making it incredibly habit forming. You have to call them out on it because what starts as a small problem with your child turns into a character fault in an untrustworthy person. Focus on two-way loyalty.
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Please call your kids out on being liars. Lying and deflection is the path of comfort, making it incredibly habit forming. You have to call them out on it because what starts as a small problem with your child turns into a character fault in an untrustworthy person. Focus on two-way loyalty.
Of course, the lie depends on the motivation. If they're lying to better their life and their life alone, then stop it. If they are lying to evade awkwardness or what could be deemed as a rite of passage, let them realize what they're trying to avoid is a simple fear.
As for politicians, that's form, now. Very few transcend that. Evading is avoiding their own inevitable lie. I don't see a persistent debate moderator getting a "Ya got me!" response.
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teach them not to lie because it could lead to more bad habits or addiction to such things and / or believing their own lies----out of touch with reality
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I value honesty very highly-but things parents tell their children such as Santa Claus are perfectly fine.
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"No matter how cynical I get I can't keep up." - Lily Tomlin
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"No matter how cynical I get I can't keep up." - Lily Tomlin
It's sad that we actually *expect* to be lied to by our politicans. It's almost as bad that we expect a certain amount of dishonesty form our peers, colleagues, family and religious leaders.
If I may paraphrase author Terry Pratchett from his book "Hogfather", "As practice, you have to start out learning to believe the little lies [Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, etc.] so that you can later believe the bigger ones."
Once you start with the little white lies, they can grow and grow until next thing you know you're saying "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" or "arms for hostages? Never!"
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Evading an important question is in it's own way saying much more than taking a stance or making a commitment -- whether a lie or not.
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Evading an important question is in it's own way saying much more than taking a stance or making a commitment -- whether a lie or not.
Personally I like my local federal politician because he doesn't offer easy lies to placate the people and will say things like "I will do all within my power to address this issue" rather than just promising he will. (And over time he's proven himself as someone honourable who actually will do his best and more often than not meets with measures of success that lying politicians don't).
Lying to someone is like playing with them. And we all know that too many politicians see the people merely as an means to their desired end. Which is why the ones who don't, shine.
As for outside of politics, a lie is no less "playing" with another. So if you feel you have to, do it gently and with a good heart that is looking perhaps more towards them than yourself. Yes, sometimes parents lie to children -- hopefully for the intent of protecting the child and not just themselves! (But most back-fire in time!)
And I personally might be lying to friends by not giving full disclosure on something -- a "lie of omission" -- or in refusing to answer a question. But hopefully my eyes are as much on them and their heart and intention and needs . . . as on my own. It is not worth hurting those you love or complicating their path over time, just to ease my own passage in the moment.
(Which is why lies are generally speaking, tricky things that are better avoided altogether.)
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and seriously - if we tell them that Santa Claus is real and invisible skyGod loves them but will judge every thought they ever have, then we are making, and deserve, kids that lie...
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I like it when a 6 year old suddenly announces out of the blue -
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I like it when a 6 year old suddenly announces out of the blue -
"I haven't taken any chocolate from the fridge".
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Unfortunately, the older we get the more we have to deal with subjective truths(or lies). There is no line. We learn how to spin and are spun. We even lie to ourselves. Grade school morality is of little use when dealing with adults. A person who doesn't know how to deceive is at a great disadvantage in many cases. There is evidence of that in nature. Not to say that we shouldn't try to minimize that behavior, but it is in us. The guys that bundled the subprime loans knew what they were doing and didn't care. Even now they admit to no culpability and collect annual bonuses that exceed what we can expect to earn in a lifetime.
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