SoulPancake / Conversations / How do you accept the reality that you will not end up with the one you are in love with?

Jump into a Conversation about Life's' Big Questions

soulofagypsy

- 4 months ago

Feature
0
Like
Follow

How do you accept the reality that you will not end up with the one you are in love with?

Has anyone watched the movie 500 Days of Summer?
Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn't.

I LOVE that movie, mostly, because I can relate. Although it is the other way around girl meets boy. Girl falls in love. Boy doesn't. It has been a long and painful journey of 6 years with this person. I have stood by his side through and through. I've become a different person good and bad because of this relationship if it should even be called that.
After so many years and after so much history he still doesn't want a relationship.We cannot function any longer. We are both going into two different paths. I feel it, I know in my heart that if he doesn't love me now after everything I've done for him then he will never love me.

The last scene in the movie always breaks my heart. I know that one day that will be us on that bench and he will tell me that he is married and in love, two things he opposed.
How can I accept and be strong enough to not go back? I know I have to walk away now because it has been too long and loving someone who doesn't love me back is shattering my soul. I'm just having trouble accepting the thought of the man i love falling in love with someone other than me.

Recent Discussed Liked

First level responses second level responses

You will have to be very brave. You love this guy so wish the best for him and send him off to find "his true love". Now not to be too optimistic you may find that he returns into your life. It is sad when love doesn't
"mesh" but you have spent a lot of time with him already and have a good idea of the traits in him that you will recognise in someone else when the time is right. Whatever the outcome it will be better than your hanging on and on and on!

Nothing you do or say can change what you already are, and why would you want to? Nothing you do or say will change what he already is, and why would you want to? There may be many things you love about this person, but nothing is going to change the fact that he doesn't feel the same about you. People connect to the love within at different times in their lives. Sounds like you have attached a part of your feeling of identity to your ideas about who this person is. Time to discover who you are without attachment to who anyone else is, then you will discover if there is someone who compliments you and can express love in your life.

Walk away for both your sakes.

shite....at this point, I'd like to go on at least one date before I die

Well I cried for 3 years and watched 500 days of Summer at least 30 times.

I don't believe it's possible to truly love someone who doesn't love you in return.

Love love love that movie! Be strong girl, learn from this experience in your life & know that things will get better.

Well, if you live your life attached to the idea that you were always meant to be with that person as you watch them float on, then I would say to check your expectations. People come and go, some we love and some we hate, but the lessons we learn from them all will stay. Did I just rhyme?

On unrequited love, unfortunately, been there, done that. And then walked away thinking they didn't love me. Problem was, years later, I would discover I should have pursued more or something. I would also find various "go away" signs... yelling at me, taking off with my kid without warning to another town (kind of a Big Sign), then going out with single girls... calling me a "boy toy" and telling me "I have many lovers and will never settle down"... hypocritically freaking out when she discovers I have secrets I didn't tell her about after two weeks, when she had plenty of her own... going down to Mexico and her not making a single move at all, and before anything can happen she gets another boyfriend... having one's parents go, "You can't date my daughter because we don't accept gringos"... one woman said she was going to move in with me, then said she doesn't believe in love, is jaded, and I am not at all her type and she is dating someone else... another said I was "too pure" and one day got up and slept with this pock faced schizophrenic (nice guy, but wow).... etc, etc, etc.

I haven't. You never know! There may be some wonderful man out there who wants this old woman.

You might be paranoid. Maybe you should talk to him romantically more or something and see if he bites. Too often relationships get stagnated because all people do is joke around or talk about the weather. Open your heart and your true self, and see what happens. How can one know who is the best for someone? When they are two of a kind. If he is not your kind, then it wasn't really love. If he is, then you should do something about that. Be real.

Embrace the dark side of the force. Release your anger

Use your anger and frustration as motivation to improve yourself.

Unlimited power!

http://www.vamortgagecenter.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/sidious.jpg

Let it liberate you.

I have yet to accept that I will be alone forever, but it's the truth I feel it in my bones.

When a lover says, "I don't want to get married." it means --- "I don't want to marry YOU!"
However, when the right person comes into their life, marriage will be the only outcome they can see.

A wise woman once said, "Marriage is not about who you can live with, but rather, who you cannot live without."

How do I accept the reality that I will not end up with the man I love?
Well, I really hope that I do. Hope! If you hope in one hand and spit in the other hand, which will get filled up first? He says he will never marry and when he says it, I hear it for what it really is ....
"I will never marry YOU." Yep, I know full well he will never marry ... me. I love him. I know someday he will want to marry --- when the right woman comes along.
In the meantime, I will enjoy what we have and help him in any way I can. I want us to be together, but that is just my desires.

Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

I liked that movie at first, it seemed charming. But then I watched it the second time and realized how stupid it is. Why set yourself up for failure? She said she didn't want to be in a relationship and it was obvious that she was free-spirited and scattered when she was talking about the previous relationships she had had. It's just dumb wasting time on someone when they told you out right that they didn't want to be with you. Sure, she encouraged his behavior with the flirting and sex but still, he should have known it wasn't going to be forever.
Both of my past loves have been unrequited. I'm not just going to sit around and dwell on that though. I was in love, he wasn't. Broken hearts happen. I just know it's going to be one among many. At least I'm used to that now so what's worse than unrequited love? Well, ok, there's a lot worse but still.

Here's my observation during the past 63 years: worrying about bad things that are (possibly) in the future will only shut out any good times you could be having now; the bad things will come whether you worry about them or not.

I can totally relate. For three years I kept hope in a man who made it clear he wasn't ready for a relationship. We spent nights together throughout those three years, and I couldn't help but remain smitten with him. He was like no one I had ever met before. I wanted so badly for the spark I felt to shine in him. After three years of "seeing" each other on and off, I decided to let go of those hopes.. I realized that I was being selfish but attempting to pull someone in a relationship that they weren't ready for, I was looking for comfort at the sake of someone else's. He was going to the Caribbean for vacation, and I decided to tell him before he left that we needed to distance ourselves. I couldn't get it out until right before our goodbyes. Funny thing is, he said "I love you" before I could say "I can't do this anymore." I was lucky enough to have a happy ending erupt from misery, and we've been together ever since.

But I can still easily remember that feeling. That agonizing waiting feeling, being unsure of it all constantly. I believe that if I had spoke first, I would've stayed true to it. And it would've been okay. Sometimes heartbreak is necessary for our true stories to unfold. Preoccupy yourself with work, friends, hobbies. Find love in other things.
And I bawled the first time I saw that movie.

You can't make someone love you... it's as simple as that. The sooner you accept that the better.

And further more this narrow idea that people have about love only being of the romantic variety is quite frankly bullshit. Maybe he does love you, as a friend, and only as a friend. This world can be a great big place full of lots of nasty sh*t and hate... or you can open your eyes to the good in life, like the love of a friend, and accept it for what it is and get on with your life. Or you can keep crying and brooding over "unrequited love". The choice is yours.

My only other advice is to quit putting people up on pedestals, it's not fair to them and it's not fair to you. A person on a pedestal only has one place to go and that's down.

I can completely relate to your situation, as I was once in a very similar situation myself. It lasted for nearly 5 years and I just couldn't bring myself to let go. Eventually I realized that it was time to let go and move on. If there's one thing that I have learned in life it's that you shouldn't waste your time and energy on someone/something that doesn't deserve your attention. In your situation I would say that this other person most certainly doesn't deserve your attention. I know that it's difficult to peel yourself away from something that you've held so close to your heart for so long, but move on! You can find happiness without a doubt my dear, it just may not be with this particular person. Go out and live your life, find things that make you happy and keep them close to your heart. In good time you will find happiness with someone that will love you in return!

@soulofagypsy Los Angeles, California

Follow Message

More Conversations from soulofagypsy

What song best describes what your heart is feeling at this particular moment? 57 Responses

Show More ↓

SoulPancake

soulofagypsy

How do you accept the reality that you will not end up with the one you are in love with?

learner

Still

mell

shite....at this point, I'd like to go on at least one date before I die

PotatoJuice

Well I cried for 3 years and watched 500 days of Summer at least 30 times.

Michelephant

I don't believe it's possible to truly love someone who doesn't love you in return.

carlingxo

Love love love that movie! Be strong girl, learn from this experience in your life & know that things will get better.

livingthedream

Well, if you live your life attached to the idea that you were always meant to be with that person as you watch them float on, then I would say to check your expectations. People come and go, some we love and some we hate, but the lessons we learn from them all will stay. Did I just rhyme?

Zbody

RosieFullyRiveted

I haven't. You never know! There may be some wonderful man out there who wants this old woman.

Zbody

TheEgoist

Embrace the dark side of the force. Release your anger

Use your anger and frustration as motivation to improve yourself.

Unlimited power!

http://www.vamortgagecenter.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/sidious.jpg

Wolfson

Let it liberate you.

Wolfson

I have yet to accept that I will be alone forever, but it's the truth I feel it in my bones.

stinkyhenry

Wolfson

Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

insincerelyme

PopeSkippyXVI

Here's my observation during the past 63 years: worrying about bad things that are (possibly) in the future will only shut out any good times you could be having now; the bad things will come whether you worry about them or not.

FateChowder

Mistral

statsquatch

How do you accept the reality that you will not end up with the one you are in love with?

shite....at this point, I'd like to go on at least one date before I die

Well I cried for 3 years and watched 500 days of Summer at least 30 times.

I don't believe it's possible to truly love someone who doesn't love you in return.

Love love love that movie! Be strong girl, learn from this experience in your life & know that things will get better.

Well, if you live your life attached to the idea that you were always meant to be with that person as you watch them float on, then I would say to check your expectations. People come and go, some we love and some we hate, but the lessons we learn from them all will stay. Did I just rhyme?

I haven't. You never know! There may be some wonderful man out there who wants this old woman.

Embrace the dark side of the force. Release your angerUse your anger and frustration as motivation to improve yourself. Unlimited power!http://www.vamortgagecenter.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/sidious.jpg

Let it liberate you.

I have yet to accept that I will be alone forever, but it's the truth I feel it in my bones.

Cry a river, build a bridge, and get over it.

Here's my observation during the past 63 years: worrying about bad things that are (possibly) in the future will only shut out any good times you could be having now; the bad things will come whether you worry about them or not.

What's Next?

Embrace the dark side of the force. Release your anger

Use your anger and frustration as motivation to improve yourself.

Unlimited power!

http://www.vamortgagecenter.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/sidious.jpg