Spurn a Tradition
My dating life hasn't been much of a life. It doesn't even deserve the whole word. It's more of a dating lif.
Last month, I thought things were going alright. I had met a girl through my job at a cafe, and initially asked her out to a concert, but through a little miscommunication we ended up going to dinner a week after the concert, instead. We met at a small Italian place and had a great meal. We were there for about two hours, conversation was flowing, everything was solid. That night, I picked up the tab. I figured it was a good gesture. She had been ordering drinks at my cafe for a long time, so I figured I'd return the favor.
Anyway, the night ended. We met again about two weeks later at a Thai place. It was another great evening, I thought. Good food, good conversation, good company, solid stuff. Dinner comes to a close and the check arrives. I'm a student which goes to say my pockets aren't lined with cash, so the second time out, I thought we'd split the bill, and we do. There were no issues.
I sent her a text later that night that I had a great time, but I don't hear back for about a day or so. Sunday evening my [hone vibrates with a message that read: "Sorry for the delay, however didn't really appreciate going dutch last night, but I think your're a great guy and friend. Thanks for the advice and listening." Cue the perplexed grunts. I replied with, "We come from two different schools of thought."
She called me several days later. I was annoyed. I sounded annoyed. She said that hoped I wasn't angry about the message she sent me. Here's an approximate transcript of the conversation that ensued.
Me: "How could I not be taken aback? That's an unfair expectation to have."
Her: "I just think the man should pay most of the time. I don't know, that's just how I think."
Me: "Well, that's not how I think. And what is that based on, anyway? Why should I have to pay 80 to 90% of the time?"
Her: "You wouldn't pay all of the time. I mean, I would pay once or twice."
Me: "No, that's not going to work. Not with me."
Her: "I still want to be friends."
Me: "Yeah, sure, whatever. But if we are to ever go out again, do not expect me to pay."
I say to hell with that tradition and here's where my line of thinking comes in: if there is enough mutual interest between the two involved, money should not be an issue. I am not against paying for dinner. I am against the expectation that I should. My paying for dinner should not be predicated on her existence as a woman. That in no way entitles her to dinner. If there's enough interest, I'm more than okay with paying, but if I'm not interested or if I'm getting bad vibes, I won't pay.