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shabnam

- 1 year ago

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What Looming Decision Are You Conflicted About?

When I was 23, I was working as a stringer for a celebrity magazine--and I hated it. I felt stuck and unmotivated and compelled to reinvent my life. The way I saw it, I had 3 choices: 1) Go to grad school, 2) Join the Peace Corps, 3) Chop off all my hair, buy a motorcycle, and hit the road.

I agonized for months over this decision until eventually my inner over-achiever let out a giant sigh of resignation and chose grad school. (Though I did get a disastrous pixie haircut just to prove I had the guts.) To this day, I wonder what would have happened if I decided to move to Africa and start a turnip farm instead.

Now, I know people face more profound decisions than this everyday: Do I abort this baby or keep it? Should I join the army? Do I need rehab? Should I move to Hollywood or give up on my acting dream?

Whatever the question, the answer leads to big, crazy, life-changing decisions. And frankly, they're scary to make...especially alone, in a vacuum, without a clue as to what on earth happens next. Which makes me ask:

What big decision are you trying to make? Is there an experience that you think might help you decide?

source: http://www.flickr.com/photos/latitudes/251723290/

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I make lots of money as a ticket scalper and while my mind spends all day writing stories my hands spend little time on a keyboard putting the words on a page.
Of course, my heart knows what I should do but my irrational fears of being poor tell my heart to shut the f**k up.
Its getting loud in here and what is a guy to do to turn down the volume?

I just graduated high school, and am going to attend my local community college for one year to save money and get some basic classes out of the way. I know for a fact that I'm going to transfer to a university after my freshman year, but my problem is where to go. (This is if I am accepted to all three of the universities I plan on applying to)

The college I have been planning on going to for years is an old, good school. I just don't feel like I'd belong there. The problem is my parents want me to go there so badly. It's the school where my dad went, and so far I'm the only child with the grades good enough to go there. But it's a rural setting and I know a lot of people I don't like from my high school that are going there. It's not a very big school, so I know I'd run into them. Plus almost everyone wears cowboy boots there, which I despise. But then again, it's a very conservative school and only 5 hours away from home.

The other college I was thinking about is the complete opposite and the rival school of the one above. This school is in the city and is huge. My best friend is going there and I love her to death, but there are times where I feel like she wouldn't want me to go there. I've mentioned the idea of transfering to that school to her and she doesn't say much or seem thrilled with the idea. (I don't know why.) I've also heard rumors that everyone the goes there ends up drinking and I'm not really into that. There are also a ton of hippies and hobos, which kind of freak me out. It's a very liberal school. I know more people that go there though, some I like and some I don't, but either way it's more likely I won't run into the people I don't like. But since I'd be transfering I have the feeling that my old friends would have new friends and wouldn't really welcome me into their new college life. But it's only 6 hours away and I have an uncle that lives there, so my parents wouldn't have that much of a problem with it.

Another school I was thinking about is in a completely different state. It's a beautiful campus and fantastic school, but I wouldn't know anyone. I would be far away from friends and family, and able to start new. The problem is the cost of going there as an out-of-state student is ridiculous and my parents would definitely never help me pay that extreme amount. Not to mention the amount of money it'd take to travel between states. But the university is located in a beautiful suburban city and surrounded by mountains, where the temperature is fantastic. But my mom wants me to go to a school nearby, because she's paranoid and would probably worry about me getting murder or raped or who knows what crazy situation she'd think up. I'm fine with living far away though, I think I'd like it a lot since my parents drive me crazy, but I know my parents would not like it at all. The big issue with this school is the money and the fact that I'd know absolutely no one. It's over 14 hours away from my house.

So what it really comes down to is: Do I go to the school my parents want me to go to? Do I go to the school where my friends are at? Or do I go to the school where I'd know no one?

Opinions would be greatly appreciated.

I basically went to college to make my parents happy. I was miserable the first year and tried to transfer to a different school the next year but that didn't work out. I went back to the same college the following year and did alright the first semester; the second semester was terrible. I am currently taking a semester off while living on the opposite side of the country, volunteering at a non-profit organization that works with rescued horses and at risk youth. I love it here but I have no income. My question is should I go back to school and endure another 2 years to get a degree that I won't be able to put to use unless I do another couple years of grad school (which is not going to happen), or stay here and get a low paying, part time job while still working full time at this ranch? Good news is I have about 5 more months to decide. Any insight?

I'm conflicted about whether to tell a girl (and when i say a girl i mean "the girl") that im crazy about her. She has a boyfriend and has done for two years and even though they have had trouble in the past they seem to be happy together. However, this girl happens to be my best friend and here is where my dilemma occurs ...... is it worth the friendship to tell her how i feel even though the chances of her feeling the same are slim or do i keep my mouth shut??? not saying anything kind of goes against my whole no regrets view on life but it is the safer option. We have had our moments .... (kiss at the new year bells) and I really think that she has felt the way i do but does she want to take that risk over having a steady relationship with her current boyfriend (hate to admit this but he's actually a nice guy, tad strange and not the brightest but a nice guy) This decision has been haunting me for some time ..... #LoveSucks

I'm a Michigan (metro-Detroit) native and I'm having a hell of a time making a big decision in my life and was hoping I could get some advice from the lovely people of SP...

When I was 21 I moved to Australia (Melbourne) for a 6 month internship and completely loved it. After, I came back to the US and finished my undergrad and then went back down under for another 6 month stint. That 6 months eventually turned into a 3-year post-graduate degree and then another year of working and hanging out. So I'm now 26 and have spent the majority of the past 5 years down there- surrounding myself with a great group of friends and an Aussie boyfriend that I absolutely love.

The problem is that I always planned on coming back home to Michigan; that Australia would be just a fun / pre-real life phase. So about 4 months ago, I left my life in Melbourne behind and moved back home to my parents house. The problem though, is that I can't let Australia go. I thought I would have easily moved on, since this is what I had always planned on, but I am not doing so very well.

My question, then, is where do I go?! Do I go back to Melbourne? Do I stay in Michigan longer and make things work out here? I should add that I'm extremely close to my family - the main reason that I didn't want to stay in Melbourne, although I loved life there, is that it costs nearly $3000 for a round-trip ticket from Melbourne to Detroit. Plus I completely hate the 20+ hours in airplanes as well as the accompanying jet-lag.

The other thing is that my Aussie boy and I are quite serious, and I can easily see us staying together for a very long time. We were friends for years and had a very long / torturous courtship because I didn't want to get attached, and he didn't either - because he knew of my plans to leave. But we fell in love, and things between the two of us just keep growing stronger and better with time, despite my mind's efforts at making him 'a bad guy' so I wouldn't want to stay with him. My head has a very convincing way of overtaking my heart and soul with these sorts of things. I've convinced myself that I could come home, find a new guy and move on, but I'm now caught in the position where I'm wondering if that is even possible?!

So, basically, my heart is divided between Michigan and Melbourne - for both locations and people - and my mind is leaning towards Michigan but is also still in Melbourne - for career and lifestyle reasons.

I have an uncanny way of over-complicating decisions, so when it's a big one like this, my head just goes off its rocket.

Any advice?!

This is sort of, in response to all the questions people have posted on this subject. I studied for years to get my degree and before I even got to put it to use I was hit by a drunk driver and am now totally disabled. I can walk and thank God I am alive but live in pain every day. Now I appreciate smelling the roses and I never did before as I was busy trying to get ahead in this world and doing what everyone else expected of me. In my opinion, my advise is to do what will make you happy and do it now! Don't put it off so you can get the gold ring everyone else thinks you should have! Money is not the root of happiness. Peace in your souls will make you happy. I hope this helps someone. I now enjoy waking up every day with my wife, my dogs, my cat and having the newness of each day to explore and make me happy.

This time last week I tripped on my shoelace and broke my nose, sprained my wrist, and dislodged one of my front teeth. My nose is now slightly to the side of my face and the nerve endings of my tooth died. The tooth turned black. Should I have my nose fixed or just settle for the nose that is worse that before? Should I just get bleaching done on my tooth or should I cap and veneer it? Should I ever try to go for a run again?

It's the summer after my sophomore year of college. I'm actually pretty content right now and happy with the decisions I have made. However, I know there's a lot of them looming on the horizon.

I'm an Art Education major and I love it. Recently, I traveled to the Dominican Republic to volunteer during my Spring Break. This made me stop and think about what I want to do exactly and where I want to go when I graduate. There's so many options - AmeriCorps, the Peace Corps, taking on internships at art non-profits that I admire. I want to do it all, but I know that might not be the most logical answer to this. I know that once I get there, any decision I make will be a good one in those aspects because its all helping others and using my knowledge to its full capacity, whether its specifically with art education or not.

I just got a great job here in Toronto (specifically Mississauga, a city just off to the side). I live about an hour and a half north in a beautiful area without the hustle and bustle. I need to figure out of the drive to work is work the serenity, or take the city life and do away with the drive... hmmm, my decision doesn't seem as all encompassing as some others :)

i just happend to bite the bullet and do what I had to do... I was working for a TV station here in OZ... GREAT money and yes I enjoyed it for 3 years.... but I realised how much i was sacrificing for it, not spending time with my son, or family or writing my screenplay, etc I used to enjoy going to work,,,, then it just became a case of "well the money is good" I was so depressed and tired at the end a hards day of work.... Then out of nowhere I was driving i95 with my son and husband and saw this horrific accident happen right before our eyes.... we stopped and saw that at that very second a 22 year old died right in front of my eyes... my husband stayed with him till he had his last breath.... it was there where I realised that although it is such a cliche Life can end at the blink of the eyes, do what makes you happy dont worry about money or material things to much because in the end we all find our feet again... I am now working and yes I know i am not making even half of what i earned before but if you ask my how happy I am i can tell you without any regreats I AM OVER THE MOON!!

I'm going into my last year of undergrad this fall and I don't know what I should do. I'm an English and Psych major with basically no direction.
I know that Psychology may give me more roads, and it could ultimately lead me to my dream, but there has always been this passion for English and writing that still remains the driving force in a lot that I do.
I've always wanted to work with children in some way, and I thought Psychology would give me that option in a counsellor/social work kind of way. But, after taking some stats courses and seeing the ridiculously high averages needed for Masters, I don't think Psychology is my path anymore. Funny, I'm sitting here writing this into the great void at 3am, wearing a Psych hoodie that probably, in years to come, will only serve as a reminder of the path I didn't choose. Well, and a damn good sweater.
I just need to know where I'm supposed to be. I realize that's like trying to figure out why there is no rhyme for "orange," but I just feel lost.
I guess we never really know where things are going to go, how they'll end or how things even start. I'm not going to get all sentimental and say "it's the journey that counts" because, let's be honest, yeah that's pretty crucial, but honestly, we all want to know the end. Inside all of us is a little bit of that kid who flips to the end of the book, or the one who continues to scroll in spite of the "SPOILER ALERT" scrawled across the top of a page. We like to know, it's comforting. So, I guess what I'm looking for is comfort. Comfort in the discomfort of choosing a path.

I'm in the middle of a religious crossroad right now. When I was a kid I went to Christian school and really didn't feel that it ever spoke to me (even though I accepted Jesus into my heart while I attended there). My mom is a Christian and my dad was an Atheist. I've always felt conflicted. While I went to church on Sundays I was constantly asking "Why?". I never understood how people could fully believe in a religion where it's all based on having Faith that it's all true. So I'm exploring my options right now. I feel really confused, and hopefully I'll be enlightened to something soon.

I have been at my job for 30 years; a good job but there is more to life for me. I turned 60 last month and I am able to draw my late spouses social security. I also have part of his retirement from how he set up his retirement and I will have my state retirement and some investment returns every month. With the bills that have to be paid and allowances for each month and saving for different payments every month I will have about $300 disposable income every month. Do I or don't I retire ?? I have talked with my family and friends about this and I only get two negative responses. The real answer I need is from God and I know he will provide for me as needed. I guess I just need to feel that I can trust myself to stay within my spending plan and have a financially comfortable life. The top five things that I want from retirement is spend more time with my boyfriend who lives three hours away, more time with my family and friends, more time with my garden and being able to sleep in !! I can sub at the job I have now for extra money. Oh, the decisions in life have seemed easier than this one. Any advice form you Soul Pancakers ??!!!

The biggest decision I have ever made was whether to become an engineer or an actor. I chose the latter. Now, six years later and weeks from a degree in Musical Theatre, the real challenge has begun: I get to confront my morals and integrity. Every. Single. Day. Do I live at home with my mom or take this paying role that directly conflicts with the things I believe in? Do I eat soup and hummus for an undeterminable amount of time or photograph in this bikini? Do I laugh at reality TV stars or become one? Sigh. B-t-dubz, I just cancelled an audition for a dating show :-/ I just couldn't feel good about doing it.

i am conflicted by after high school decisions everyday. do i want to move to portland and go to the pacific northwest college of art to get my bachelors, or do i want to stay in salt lake and be more comfortable and find a school out here to go to? what do i even want to do afterwards in the first place?

Should I sell all my stuff, give the money to the poor, and trust that God will provide as I try to follow his son, Jesus. Or rather, gathering up the motivation to do it.

Whether or not to stay in college. I lost interest in my major.

What I want to be when I 'grow up'. I'm 35, have a Masters, and a decent amount of work experience in a number of fields. And yet, what do I want to do...

Whether to go to grad school or travel instead. I'm 21 & just graduated from college last week. Like most grads, I've been in school for 17 years & I'm sick of it lol. I was just offered a job that pays $18/hr BUT I have to go to grad school if I ever want to see that money. The thing is....I'm not passionate about the program....AT ALL. It's basically free and a Master's in anything would look good right about now, but I'm not ready for a commitment that I'm not 100% about. I've been abroad for a semester and I swore that I'd go back as soon as I graduate or as soon as my money is looking right...maybe this job (& the program) is a means to that end.

I'm 28. I have a great job, a college education, and amazing friends and family, but I am not happy. My gf of 4 years broke my heart and I struggle to get over how it all ended. I keep getting told that it all happens for a reason, but I'm not sure it really does. My dilemma is deciding to stay here in Chicago, buy myself a house and rebuild or move to Philadelphia and start over where I have nothing, but will at least be able to get away from everything that I hate here.

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@shabnam San Francisco

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What Looming Decision Are You Conflicted About?

What big decision are you trying to make? Is there an experience that you think might help you decide?

Should I sell all my stuff, give the money to the poor, and trust that God will provide as I try to follow his son, Jesus. Or rather, gathering up the motivation to do it.

Whether or not to stay in college. I lost interest in my major.

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