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It kind of surprises me that this "issue" exists much anymore... it's hard for me to really wrap my mind around questioning whether or not I should make a "first move" if I felt like doing so.
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It kind of surprises me that this "issue" exists much anymore... it's hard for me to really wrap my mind around questioning whether or not I should make a "first move" if I felt like doing so.
I hope people continue to become less inhibited and more open-minded in expressing themselves-- both to those they're attracted to or otherwise.
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If it's a simple reversal, you're still in a binary. Best thing is to ignore all roles people impose on you, and do what you want.
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If it's a simple reversal, you're still in a binary. Best thing is to ignore all roles people impose on you, and do what you want.
For the record, I'm freaking stoked when a woman makes the first move.
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UGH! Love is a complicated thing. I hate for guys to be too forward - but it doesn't hurt for them to try to get what they want! With my last boyfriend, I was the one who asked him on our first date, I was the one who made us officially a couple, I was the one who kissed him (on the cheek) first, I'm the one who made us start holding hands, and eventually, I was the one who ended the relationship. I enjoy being in charge from time to time, but guys need to at least have the guts to do SOME things for themselves! I just wanted him to reach for MY hand, you know? So guys: appreciate when a girl wants to take charge. Just don't be a wuss.
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i made the first move in confessing to my current boyfriend. well, let's just say that if i never said anything, nothing would have happened at all.. well, but now he seems to be loving me more than i do..haha.. so i guess its all good. sometimes, i feel the dating world is way fuzzier because either party wants to play hard to get.. blah! life is too short to play hard to get...
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i made the first move in confessing to my current boyfriend. well, let's just say that if i never said anything, nothing would have happened at all.. well, but now he seems to be loving me more than i do..haha.. so i guess its all good. sometimes, i feel the dating world is way fuzzier because either party wants to play hard to get.. blah! life is too short to play hard to get...
i do agree with @stinkyhenry that for some things, its always best for the guy to lead.. heh!
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I'm more of a traditionalist but some things I just can't do- like him paying for all the dates we go on or something.
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Yea I totally like girls that make the first move. Actually every girl I've ever dated made the first move. I was asked to prom by a girl. I was asked out on my first date by the girl. My first kiss was even initiated by the girl.
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Yea I totally like girls that make the first move. Actually every girl I've ever dated made the first move. I was asked to prom by a girl. I was asked out on my first date by the girl. My first kiss was even initiated by the girl.
Lol I don't find it demasculanzing at all. It just makes things so much easier. And I really need a girl with the personality to do that because I'm so introverted.
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Might I just add: Ladies, if you want sex, just ask for it! Can't tell you how many times my girlfriend has complained after the fact that I didn't put the moves on when she wanted me to haha. And by "asking" I don't necessarily mean verbally (though that works). But do be clear about your intentions- everyone wins!
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It's interchangable with the couple, I've been seeing that the guys who ask girls out tend to creep the girl out. "Ugh, so-and-so asked me out..." like it was awkward.
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It's interchangable with the couple, I've been seeing that the guys who ask girls out tend to creep the girl out. "Ugh, so-and-so asked me out..." like it was awkward.
So for my girlfriends I hinted "Heeey whatre you doing tomorrow?"
or just "Hey let's go see Pirates."
If they wanted to date we'd hold hands, walk together, etc. It wasn't that big of a deal then but now that you mention it I'd always wait for a girl to kiss me first, I'll get to kiss when she feels like kissing me.
But then again I like strong smart women that I can laugh with so maybe I just pick that brave new world independent type . :)
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I just had to try that. I am surprised at the answers from the men and maybe I will untrain myself, but I am of the old school and taught in a finishing school (John Robert Powers) in the 1960s the etiquette of dating. And while I am a woman of the 21st century, I am still super glued on the 60's and Total Woman circa '68. Marabell Morgan where is my rose?
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I just had to try that. I am surprised at the answers from the men and maybe I will untrain myself, but I am of the old school and taught in a finishing school (John Robert Powers) in the 1960s the etiquette of dating. And while I am a woman of the 21st century, I am still super glued on the 60's and Total Woman circa '68. Marabell Morgan where is my rose?
I have had my moments when I am on equal footing with a guy and I will plunk down my Visa card to pay. And I believe if a woman is equal then she should pay for half of the dates. However, I have found this ball busting and some men from the old school of thought will lose their erections later on in the night if I am too agressive. I found a better approach that serves me better. I start out at home and hand over money to the man for the date. I am treating, but he handles the money.
In old school etiquette, a man opens doors for her. I always let him know I like that by saying a quiet "thank you" as I step through the door maybe under his arm, as if in a dance. As in dancing and life, it goes better if a man leads. Men like to face the front door and I sit with my back to the middle of the room. Old school prompts a lady to act like a quiet lady and report to her man what she would like to order. The man is the only one to address the waitress with both orders. A woman should never haver to address the waitress. When the check comes, the man handles the money and pays the check. Only he knows if I was treating for this date. When leaving, I step one half step behind his steps with my hand in his arm, our we hold hands. As in dancing and life, the man leads. If I find myself walking steps ahead of him, I will correct my pace back to the one half step behind his steps.
This is olde world and old school antiquated, but I have a man who knows how to lead like a gallant gentleman and I am proud to be on his arm.
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Like tommyd said- I'd prefer for the woman to ask, or at least push to be asked. I never know if a girl is into me or just being friendly, so I tend to not be too bold in social situations. But she comes on to me, I know she's interested and I relax and become Mr. Smooth. haha.
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Like tommyd said- I'd prefer for the woman to ask, or at least push to be asked. I never know if a girl is into me or just being friendly, so I tend to not be too bold in social situations. But she comes on to me, I know she's interested and I relax and become Mr. Smooth. haha.
As far as role reversals, maybe the guy is naive and believes he has a chance of being in charge of the future relationship? ;) (this applies to the smart kind of girls I like)
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it's always cool to be approached by a girl.
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it's always cool to be approached by a girl.
for all the girls who say that's a mans job... I ask, why do you make it so F$*&ing difficult to approach you? eyes in your smartphone, scared to be looked at. when we say hello... try to smile and say something... don't act like, "oh, God, what's this one going to say?, and you have three seconds to dazzle me, or walk away, freak." seriously... none of you make it easy.
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It might bother me if I didn't know the girl, but that's not because of gender roles, it's because I'm socially awkward.
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I personally prefer when a woman asks me out.
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I personally prefer when a woman asks me out.
I find that I have a lot of friends who are women, and they can be quite touchy and flirty just in normal conversation, so I never really know whether someone is interested unless they make the first move.
It can be very difficult, especially for men who have gone to college or worked in an office and thus been steeped in the idea of anything and everything being potential sexual harassment, to tell when a woman is genuinely interested or simply being very friendly.
In fact, all but one of my relationships started by the woman either asking me out or simply pinning me against a surface and initiating making out.
(for context, I'm from rural Minnesota and Wisconsin, where gender roles very, very, very much are still a thing)
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if a woman wants to ask me out, i'm down for it. i'm totally ok with that. if she makes the first move, it doesn't bug me. i've only had one time where it bugged me, but that's because i didn't realize something about the girl. i had to ask myself a huge question...and then disregard it because if i let it bug me, no more moves would be made at that time or again with that one. hehe
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Being a 23-yr old southern Californian, I don't see gender roles as a big deal. If a woman asks me out? Great, I got a date! Makes the first move? Awesome, I'm getting some! You'd think guys wouldn't care haha. At least here in LA we don't have macho-complexes... and really, the women around here are pretty ferocious :)
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