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I think this is an individual choice...as is everything in life. I believe I am the Creator of my life...and divorce was a choice I did make at one time. It was one of the hardest things I have done in my life, but it is also one of the best decisions I have made in my life. I have been remarried for 12 years now and happy. However, I was happy for 16 years in my first marriage too. And if my second marriage goes south I will once again consider...but I am happy today...:)
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If you have done everything that can be done, if you have gotten the help, the counseling, the advice from others. If you've worked as hard as you could as a couple and your simply miserable together, divorce is the answer. Staying together for the kids, or to avoid hearing what people may say about you isn't a good enough reason to stay with someone that you truly don't love. Life is too short, and in the end your children will understand and respect the choice you made.
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I think that usually divorce is the better way to go. Why lie to yourself? Why create a poisoned environment for your children? I rather of my kids raised knowing that both their parents love them, and at one point loved each other enough to have created them. I think if you force yourself to stay with someone because you have children with them is a dumb idea. It has a good chance of creating tension in a family. I myself am a product of a divorce and I am just fine. My father remarried and I have two half sister whom I love and a step mom who I can talk to about anything. My mom has talk to me about why then ended it and I'm okay with it. I understand. And now they are both happy, and they both raise children who are also happy. I think Its all based on how things go about. I know people who had a hard time dealing with their parents' divorce. I think it all depends on the situation and the reason for the split up. My parents ended because they were not in love anymore, and well my dad is extremely immature. It became an unhealthy environment for me and my brother.
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If children are present I would only consider divorce an option in very extreme cases of marital unfaithfulness. It gives children the entirely wrong message about love and commitment. If you say you loved someone once but now don't, when it is their turn for you to fall out of love with them? You made a promise before God and Man to remain faithful no matter what, and now you're going back on it. You said you would remain faithful to them as well, but in their young minds it's just a matter of time 'till you rescind your commitment to them as well. It's teaching them the entirely wrong messages. In a divorce children live on the ragged edge of fear and uncertainty, sliding into extreme behaviours of playing one side against the other to get what it is they feel they need without concern for anyone else; sort of acting out a variation on what they see the adults teaching them. They become pawns in a game, property that everyone wants for themselves, assets to be traded back and forth and used as bargaining chips and leverage as one parent plays them against the other. If you saw something in your spouse once chances are it's still there. If you think they have changed, chances are you have changed too. If everything is "their fault" this is a danger sign. Forget the divorce and forget the status quo. Instead show the young ones how love conquers all. Show them that commitment means commitment, truly for better or for worse. Show them love never fails, and that your word is your bond. If there was love, it can be re-kindled. If there was only lust and self-service, even this can be salvaged by catching up on your own lessons of what true love really is. There's not nearly enough of that in our world as the adults rush headlong into teaching all the lessons bass ackwards because they feel love is all about "their needs" which they perceive aren't being met.
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if it causes too much tension to those around, and nothing can fix what is broken, then divorce is for the best
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