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there is no trick.
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there is no trick.
compromise, honesty and keeping your mouth shut at times, seriously.
Always do what you say you will do.
Being married is the hardest thing I have ever done... or will do, ever.
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I think the 'trick' is to personally reconcile in one's heart what seems to be the two scariest words in the English language:
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I think the 'trick' is to personally reconcile in one's heart what seems to be the two scariest words in the English language:
Commitment and trust.
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My wife and I got married young, she was 19, I was 21. We did some pre-marital couseling, and had to face things that we didn't even think about before we got engaged.
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My wife and I got married young, she was 19, I was 21. We did some pre-marital couseling, and had to face things that we didn't even think about before we got engaged.
How do you feel about pets?
Do you want kids(really, not just the cute answer)? How many? Boys? Girls?(it matters...)
Would you move away from your home town for a new job? To be with family? Spoused family?
These are just some tough questions that people don't even thinl about before a lifetime commitment, but hop in anyway.
The BIGGEST life saver for me/my marriage was reading a book called "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. SERIOUSLY, if you're married or thinking about it, read this book!!!! It unlocks the mystery of the way that women think and the way men think, and how you can work with it to improve marriage.
Never go to bed angry. Seriosuly, it doesn't ever last one night. At the very least, say you love each other.
Time together
Time apart
Time with kids
Time away from kids(doesn't happen very often, but it's a good thing every once in a while)
Communication, Communication, Communication(spelled out in the 5 love languages book)
Compromise.
What are your roles/responsibilities in the marriage (beyond who takes the trash out...) Spiritual leader? Financial leader? Head of the household? If this is not you, are you willing to follow?
Lastly, and most importantly, what is the foundation of your marriage? Beauty, sex, and money don't last. And even if you have enough money to last, most rich people are pretty miserable. Keep your money, I'm happy in the middle class(which in California, means the lower-middle class). Foundation is HUMUNGO! Marriage was created by God, and God is the only solid foundation.
I'm not trying to play the "holier than thou" card. My marriage isn't perfect, and the divorce rate in the church is pretty much as bad as everyone elses. Ultimately, people are right. Marriage is tough. Two different people from different backgrounds an traditions and families forming one family. Two sinners under one roof, building their own family. Yeah, it's tough. But it's definitly worth it. Don't give up!
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Lately, I feel like I can't look through my news feed on facebook without seeing kids younger than twenty-five that are already getting married. I don't think there's any "trick" to staying married. The whole concept of marriage just seems so misrepresented. When people are making the decision to get married I feel it's just all about the wedding. The dress, invitations, cake, gifts, and of course the diamond ring. Just because you have a $10,000 ring doesn't mean your marriage will last, it doesn't prove anything other than you being another status obsessed bride. You're in debt from buying a ring and your parents just spent thousands of dollars on a twenty minute ceremony and party, here's a toaster, thanks for inviting us. Whatever happened to just deeply loving someone? Although, I don't think you need a piece of paper to prove anything. I sometimes feel people just get married because it's the norm. I definitely love the idea of spending the rest of my life with one other person but I don't need a ring or registry to do that. I'm bitter.
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Find a woman - or man - who is rich, and one who is fun to be around: and make sure the two don't meet.
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You stay when it gets really, really difficult and you honor each other which means not always getting your way. You don't take the easy way out and jump into a relationship for the fresh fun feelings of courtship because believe me they wear off with the second and third relationship sooner or later. The grass is always greener until you jump the fence! Its a true commitment and sometimes its so hard but if you can humble yourself and serve the person you are professing to love it grows into an unbreakable relationship. Otherwise, stay happily single and thats okay too.
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My (very successfully married) parents had a poster on their wall with list of ways to make a marriage work.. only the last line really stuck in my mind; it said
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My (very successfully married) parents had a poster on their wall with list of ways to make a marriage work.. only the last line really stuck in my mind; it said
"A successful marriage isn't about marrying a perfect person, it's about being a perfect partner."
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why bother is the real question. You can love someone without making a contract with the government.
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I have absolutely no experience in this field, so I would take my advice with a grain of salt, but I'll throw it out there anyways. Before you make a commitment such as marriage, I think an important question to ask is not "Do I love them?" but actually "Can I still be committed to them even if I may not 'love' them?"
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