SoulPancake / Conversations / Are you friends with your parents?

MalsMals

- 2 years ago

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Are you friends with your parents?

Can you be friends with your parents? Sometimes I wonder if it's weird to be really tight with your parents. 'Really tight' meaning you can talk to them, either one on one or together, about pretty much anything and NOT feel awkward or hot in the face after you say the word 'sex' etc. Should there be some boundaries? Have you hit the limit when they 'friend' you on facebook? Friend vs. parent? Is there any middle ground...?

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I'm not sure I would use the term "friend" with my parents or my children. I have a very close relationship with my mom (my dad passed away last year) but I don't disclose intimate details with her. My adult children, however, disclose anything and everything with me. They "friended" me on facebook, as did some of their friends. I appreciate that we can all be open and honest with one another. It makes for wonderful, loving relationships.

I am extremely close with my Diva Momma, we pretty much talk about everything and we like to do the same things. I think part of the reason we have always had a good relationship is she was always straight with us when we asked questions she never dumbed it down or talked down to us we always felt we were at her level even as kids, and she always included us in everything she did at the same time she kept things age appropriate for us. She was great at maintaining that parental line while being a friend to us.

Parents need to first and foremost be parents. (There's a big hint in them being called 'parents'!)
Children need parents more than they need friends. A parent that tries too hard to be a friend too soon tends to raise disfunctional bratty children with a crippled concept of authority.

I think the friendship grows organically over time as we grow up and learn to be our own parents -- to watch out for ourselves and make good decisions for ourselves.

My father and I are good friends. We can talk about practically anything together. And it developed quite organically over the years -- starting when I was 13. He basically said it was time for me to start learning to be my own parent, and time for him to back off from being my parent. I was shocked . . . but also respected his candor. And out of this friendship grew.

A parent 'friending' their child on facebook is a little weird though -- particually if the child lives with them at least part of the time. Is the only time they actually relate with their child via the computer? Don't they ever sit down and talk face-to-face; go do things together where they actually get to know each other better; discuss triumphs and concerns of the day over supper; sit down and watch TV or a movie together?
Try asking them what the equivalent of this would have been when they were kids? A parent wanting to be there during all interactions with friends? Monitoring all their conversations with friends? How would they have responded to such? Would they have seen it as an invasion of their privacy?

I'm super close to my mom in that friend sort of way... I'll tell her almost anything and trust her with almost everything. We clash a lot and I don't agree with her life choices, yadda yadda yadda, but that hasn't really made us any further apart. It's kind of a shame, and a little embarrassing, that I'm in college now and my best friend is still my mom.

I'm friends with both of my parents, and I believe my kids are friends with me as well.

It's about accepting people for who they are.

My mother is my best friend, we talk about everything, I just have a few friends, I'm thankful my mother is one of them, I'm 17 years younger than she is when I was in the hospital and I wanted to go home, the nurse, ask me what that pretty lady was going to say, I told her That was my mother, and she was going to agree with me!

Well, there are people that are like how you described. And yes, I believe there is some type of middle ground, but I don't want to find it. My parents are my parents, and that's all I want them to be.

when my kids were children, they needed a parent, not a "friend". now they are adults, we can be friends. My children have pretty much always discussed "everything" with me. and, as adults, sometimes I wish they wouldn't.

I feel it should be a goal to be tight with your parents as they will not be on this earth forever, and you don't know what you missed till their gone.

As an adult, yes. I could talk to my parents about anything. Though we do not tend to discuss intimate details of our sex lives, we have never been shy about it in our family.

I was blessed with great parents and am best friends with my mother and would be with my Dad if we could spend more time together.

beloved, no as a child. yes as an adult. i was lucky enough for a short time to have a friendship with my mom before she died.. we got to know each other as people, in depth, it was good. only wish my children would allow this with me... there is so much more to me than mom............. and i will die and they will only know a piece of me....... to me that is sad

No. My father was a tyrant and my mother was mentally ill.

yes ...Dad right up until he died last year - and still with my mother - absolutely.

my 18 year old daughter came out to me shortly after her last birthday and tells me all about her concerns and messy stuff...I don't share all mine with her, but some, that's the way it works.

I don't have her as "friend" on facebook for the simple agreed reason that she has friends who would feel inhibited by that - and it doesn't feel quite right at this end either
but my Dad went on facebook - aged 85 and all of us kids of his were friends there -

having a good relationship with parents makes life a lot easier...

I was never friends with my parents, but my adult children and I are friends. They know thay can say anything to me and I won't judge or scold them, won't be embarrassed. I speak openly with them, but spare them the really intimate details. (I don't do facebook, and if I did I wouldn't demand that they "friend" me)

SoulPancake

MalsMals

Are you friends with your parents?

Trixie

shmily

Griz

MademoiselleGabrielle

zamfir

I'm friends with both of my parents, and I believe my kids are friends with me as well.

It's about accepting people for who they are.

worthyofpraise

silkwovenfur

Well, there are people that are like how you described. And yes, I believe there is some type of middle ground, but I don't want to find it. My parents are my parents, and that's all I want them to be.

melb2

when my kids were children, they needed a parent, not a "friend". now they are adults, we can be friends. My children have pretty much always discussed "everything" with me. and, as adults, sometimes I wish they wouldn't.

rivertoncook

I feel it should be a goal to be tight with your parents as they will not be on this earth forever, and you don't know what you missed till their gone.

loudinrich

As an adult, yes. I could talk to my parents about anything. Though we do not tend to discuss intimate details of our sex lives, we have never been shy about it in our family.

jaybird111

I was blessed with great parents and am best friends with my mother and would be with my Dad if we could spend more time together.

littlehart

chantarella

No. My father was a tyrant and my mother was mentally ill.

flashbanding

BlueCrayon

Are you friends with your parents?

I'm friends with both of my parents, and I believe my kids are friends with me as well.It's about accepting people for who they are.

Well, there are people that are like how you described. And yes, I believe there is some type of middle ground, but I don't want to find it. My parents are my parents, and that's all I want them to be.

when my kids were children, they needed a parent, not a "friend". now they are adults, we can be friends. My children have pretty much always discussed "everything" with me. and, as adults, sometimes I wish they wouldn't.

I feel it should be a goal to be tight with your parents as they will not be on this earth forever, and you don't know what you missed till their gone.

As an adult, yes. I could talk to my parents about anything. Though we do not tend to discuss intimate details of our sex lives, we have never been shy about it in our family.

I was blessed with great parents and am best friends with my mother and would be with my Dad if we could spend more time together.

No. My father was a tyrant and my mother was mentally ill.

What's Next?

I'm friends with both of my parents, and I believe my kids are friends with me as well.

It's about accepting people for who they are.