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*running in from deep left field with another view point. Whew!"
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*running in from deep left field with another view point. Whew!"
I think it might also be that the media has picked up on this undercurrent. Remember when fat people were jolly and all handicapped people were nice? Now like at most any show and see if that's still the case.
People of a certain age remember the polio epidemic. And true, most of our mothers told us not to stare or make them feel uncomfortable by asking questions. I wonder what would have happened if we had been allowed to ask people "what happened?" while we were still young enough to get all stove up about it?
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IMO, based on many years as a rehab nurse and the fact that my brother has cerebral palsy, I think others attitudes rely a lot on how the "handicapped" person views him/herself. Its probably semantics, really, but I don't like the word "handicapped" or "cripple": it presents an image of someone that is helpless, or in some way incapable. I prefer the words "physically challenged". For the same reasons I prefer the term "wheelchair INDEPENDENT" over "wheelchair DEPENDENT". entirely different conotations and entirely different attitudes.
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I am an empathetic person, like most. And when I see someone with a disability, I don't want them to see anything in my eyes that gives away the fact that I feel sorry for them. Some people get offended, and I was always taught, "it's not polite to stare."
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ever see a gaggle of geese in a park?
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ever see a gaggle of geese in a park?
if one's limping the rest ignore it,
it's always the last to feed
maybe it's an inherited genetic trait.
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Imho, and from reactions i received even from my friends, is that people are reminded that something may happen to them also. I am not wheelchair bound, i do have a limp from chronic fatigue.
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Imho, and from reactions i received even from my friends, is that people are reminded that something may happen to them also. I am not wheelchair bound, i do have a limp from chronic fatigue.
What really made this concept clear to me though was when i was diagnosed with breast cancer. My friends knew, even old friends from high school 3000 miles away, but they never called to see how i was doing.
For all they know, i didn't make it but are too afraid to find out either way.
So, in a nutshell, i would say that it frightens people. Not frightened by you or i, but frightened that it could be them someday.
Peace
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I hear you. Several years ago I had a problem with my hip which required me to use a walker for about two weeks. People I had known for a long time suddenly wouldn't look me in the face. Other people started treating me as if my mind as well as my hip had been injured.
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I hear you. Several years ago I had a problem with my hip which required me to use a walker for about two weeks. People I had known for a long time suddenly wouldn't look me in the face. Other people started treating me as if my mind as well as my hip had been injured.
The experience caused me to reflect about how people respond to those with disabilities, and from then on I made it a point to look everyone in the eye and smile, sincerely.
I think the other responders have pretty much covered the "why?".
BTW, I have a disaiblity, but most people don't know it because it isn't obvious (chronic back pain).
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I think any tension between myself and a crippled person passing by in a wheel chair is most likely caused by the unicycle beneath me, but maybe that's just in my head. I think the main reason is because I don't want them thinking I take pity on them. I'm like "hey" and smile as I go on and almost always I get nothing in response. That's only been here in St. Pete.
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Handicapped or not, we will never get all, or maybe even most, to treat us the way we think is fair. When that unfairness is not illegal or grossly unfair(a good lawyer can be handy here), learning to handle our internal emotional response is job one and not particularly easy. Especially, if you come from a background of people with no emotional control. Being master of your own soul is more important than being king of the world.
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Handicapped or not, we will never get all, or maybe even most, to treat us the way we think is fair. When that unfairness is not illegal or grossly unfair(a good lawyer can be handy here), learning to handle our internal emotional response is job one and not particularly easy. Especially, if you come from a background of people with no emotional control. Being master of your own soul is more important than being king of the world.
Treatment of handicapped people in the first world, for sure, has improved tremendously in the last 50 years. We are definitely on the right track on this one. About how many things can we say that these days?
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I grew up with a quadriplegic named Steven and I understand your frustration, I have seen it first hand. I have never personally understood why people are so freaked out. I live in a house completely retro fitted to accommodate a person a wheelchair; and whenever I had people come over they all thought that the way the house was set up was really cool until they found out why. After that it was like they were scared to touch any thing.
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I grew up with a quadriplegic named Steven and I understand your frustration, I have seen it first hand. I have never personally understood why people are so freaked out. I live in a house completely retro fitted to accommodate a person a wheelchair; and whenever I had people come over they all thought that the way the house was set up was really cool until they found out why. After that it was like they were scared to touch any thing.
One day a friend confided in me that he was a little freaked out even after associating with Steven for quite a wile. So I ask him in sheer shock what could possibly freak him out. And the answer was simple he was afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing and insulting Steven. Because he was not accustom to associating with people in wheelchair's. It is just easier for people to ignore that which they find confusing because they don't know what is acceptable to say or do.
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Oddly, "healthy" people don't look for the commonalities they do share with handicapped people. They find it easier to rush past and go about their own business. I can't make excuses for other people, because I don't know what goes through their mind, but I could venture a guess that they think "thank god that's not me", because it very well could be any of us at any given time.
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As you can see from the responses, there are quite a few "reasons". Many of the reasons are intended to be in consideration of the feelings of the handicapped person. Clearly it has the opposite effect. Some people actually ARE scared, again for quite a few "reasons", but these reasons have to do with misunderstanding and being in error. People are also concerned with their OWN feelings, and don't want to get caught in a potentially embarrassing circumstance with the handicapped person or any bystanders. Finally, people avoid helping because they are unsure as to how to go about it and don't want to be embarrassed or rejected.
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As you can see from the responses, there are quite a few "reasons". Many of the reasons are intended to be in consideration of the feelings of the handicapped person. Clearly it has the opposite effect. Some people actually ARE scared, again for quite a few "reasons", but these reasons have to do with misunderstanding and being in error. People are also concerned with their OWN feelings, and don't want to get caught in a potentially embarrassing circumstance with the handicapped person or any bystanders. Finally, people avoid helping because they are unsure as to how to go about it and don't want to be embarrassed or rejected.
The solution is easy and obvious, and I've been applying it for a very long time. I don't differentiate; I treat un-handicapped and handicapped people exactly the same way. No compensations one way or the other, I just act like me when interacting with other people. After all, I think this is what is inferred in your question; that you would REALLY appreciate just being another of the many, and to be treated accordingly. I agree. And I don't think it's too much to ask. And un-handicapped people; I don't think what is being asked here is too much to provide.
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I'm so sorry you're getting that kind of experience when you go out. I can't imagine how that must feel.
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I'm so sorry you're getting that kind of experience when you go out. I can't imagine how that must feel.
I think it's just because someone how is wheelchair-bound is perceived as different from the rest of society. Which is so horrible to say because the difference SHOULDN'T matter! I absolutely can't stand ignorant people and unfortunately, this world is full of them.
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Limiting the causes for aversion to handicaps to 'scariness', is to leave out far too much. Surely you considered this on your own. Having a minor alteration to my gait, I have experienced some negative reactions. Some people are still biased against people who wear glasses. I find that astounding.
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Limiting the causes for aversion to handicaps to 'scariness', is to leave out far too much. Surely you considered this on your own. Having a minor alteration to my gait, I have experienced some negative reactions. Some people are still biased against people who wear glasses. I find that astounding.
There is a genetic predisposition to aversion to those who are different. That's no excuse for a rational human, but it is still in our genes.
Wheelchairs restrict those around them, not just those in them. Many don't want any restrictions on their options.
Some good people feel guilty about their good fortune and sadness, in the presence of the handicapped. I have distant wealthy relatives who give lots for the poor, but can't stand to be around them.
Fear of being thought of as uncool.
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I have an acquaintance who was born without a right arm. She has a fairly crappy prosthetic, which she claims to have become very attached to. Somebody walked up and said, "What happened to your arm?" And she responded by looking around wildly and saying, "sh*t - did it fall off again?"
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I have an acquaintance who was born without a right arm. She has a fairly crappy prosthetic, which she claims to have become very attached to. Somebody walked up and said, "What happened to your arm?" And she responded by looking around wildly and saying, "sh*t - did it fall off again?"
I simply offer the help and am not offended if it's refused. My wheelchair marathon buddy never refuses my help - it's monetary. Those marathons are expensive!
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i worked with adults for many years with various disabilities.....physical, intellectual......i think some people think they can 'catch' whatever is happening....it's just sheer ignorance.....fear of the unknown....it's b.s. mostly, however.....
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That really doesn't wash with me. My best friend through school was wheel-chair bound with Spina Bifida.
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