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Mymy12

- 2 years ago

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WHY AM I SO MESSED UP?

My name is Myra i am twelve years old. I've had 3 tattoos on my right leg but two dried up. I've been in trouble with the law lately you know petty crimes. I have harmless friends you know the "losers" of the school ( except for Charlie but he might could get wasted and smoke but that's it). I've lived in Chicago for 9 years with my father and mom before they divorced my real father is not the best dad in the world but he tries. My step dad is a M!#@%$fu#$%$. And i'm just freaking out here! I have pretty messed up memories in Chicago. I mean sure i've seen a joint before and sure my mom was put in jail for my seventh Christmas and sure my real and step dad's LOVE to drink alot but I've been through worst and gotten through it why am i letting it get to me!!!!!!

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Don't worry, your going to have to go through the rough before you hit the better.

You're right, and I think I'm glad you came to this site. C-can I draw you?

There's something about this that I don't trust...

You are letting life get to you because you have yet to understand that life is a choice. You can choose to be happy, sad, angry or utterly joyful. I too had a messed up childhood, which I let go of when I was ready. Allowing things to get to you is a choice and its easy to cure, stop worrying about the past, don't worry about the future because you are living now. Something to think about is, the moment you let something get to you is the moment that thing wins control over you.

plus your super gorgeous...

isotelesis is so right... your learning things that someone out there may never, ever learn, even as trivial as it may seem.... think how individual you are and that, how special that is alone... you are the only one that looks like that, the only one that knows just what you know and how you know it.... im 19 and i feel like im running out of time, im freaking... but everyone says i ask the right questions, ahead of when people usually ask these questions, i want information first, fast, all at once, i need the answers... but girl, we have so much time for that, and no time for letting it get to you... youll notice in those times, its almost like time hits you faster and you feel like you 'should have' done something, instead of thinking, 'hmmm, what should i do?'... change what your not happy with but remember to be happy for what you have... and also remember, things gets mixed up easy, so go slow. real slow :)

Ahh Urban Survival, if only we lived in city-states like tribes, don't let others tell you what to feel, learn to respect yourself, you are only messed up because you tell yourself that, you are special.

Is there a friend's parent or school counselor with whom you can speak? You are smart to ask the question and seek the answer to another path in your life.

"Why am I letting it get to me" When we have to live with people who dont really care about us, neglect us, who are abusive- AND we are even dependent upon them.... then we HAVE to care. We only have the freedom not to care when we dont have to live under one roof with them and have them tell us what to do and hurt our feelings all the time. A battered wife feels similar when she has to live under one roof with her abusive husband. I agree with the others here who have written that you need therapy. That`s for the emotional side. But on a totally practical level- what you need is a plan for your future. What you should be doing now is working like crazy to become independent one day. This means getting as good grades as you can, and making your "getaway plan" which means that when school is over, you can either get a scholarship, or can train otherwise in the profession of your choice. Like- if you want to become a makeup artist- then go for it and begin to train as early as possible. Become really GOOD at something you like to do- because not only will it make you happy, but it will pay your rent one day. And that is when you will be free from this crazy-making behavior - and able to really chose your friends and aquaintances. It will also naturally give you more self-esteem, and that will make you more able to pick winners to associate with rather than losers. When we feel like aloser we dont feel that we deserve any better. So whatever it is- find your "thing" and concentrate really hard on that. Invest your energy on your own future and your own plan for it, and start now. Good luck!

http://www.child.net/teenchi.htm" target="_blank">http://www.child.net/teenchi.htm ^ gives links for teens in Chicago, everything from crisis hotlines to what to do on saturdays.

there is no evidence that any nefarious forces have designed your life to work out any other way than it does... which is basically by luck of the draw. even the skills you were born with can be seen as a matter of luck... so life like any game of chance will have some outcomes you will think of as beneficial and some as not so much... but if you do not compare your real life to fantasy lives you think you should be having instead, you will find that you can deal with it much better. every move is a gamble to some degree, there is no point in worrying over what could have been

Oh, dear. Where to begin. A little girl especially needs grow up with a strong loving father who absolutely adores her. Few of get that. Often when we get to be about twelve we go looking for all those years worth of affirmations we needed from Dad in other men/boys. This is the default option most of us choose. The guys who tell you what you want to hear are the least desirable companions. I hope you can take my word for that. Most of us learn it the hard way. I am sorry, but you can't undo your life experience so far, but you are not without resources. You are still an intelligent, healthy young person who should not have to figure this all out by herself. There are agencies that should help. You may not see yourself in crisis, and the social workers are already overloaded so they may not feel you need them either. You may have to exaggerate your circumstance to get enough attention. One way or another, you need to get some reliable assistance. Sometimes a religious group can help. To answer your question- you are so messed up because you are having to deal with things that no twelve year old should have to deal with. It is perfectly normal to have a messed up reaction to a messed up situation. We are not all here all the time, but there is a pancake on the griddle 24/7. Keep in touch.

ps, you are beautiful, great look :)

Dear One, Myra, i can't even imagine how hard your life is... what i can do is hold out my hands to you. i can believe in you as you find your feet.. as you keep coming here and reach out... we will reach in... now it is your journey and we will be here to help... the power is yours... the choice is yours... being harmless is not bad. it gives us time to grow and make new choices... because of you i now what someone little older than you was calling me when he said i was a "loser." and now i m ok being harmless :).....thanks for teaching me. if you click on my icon, you will see a link to facebook, i will friend you there too if you like... see you have change my life. see you have power to change yourself and the world. thank you for coming into our lives! hugs

Having said that - this typing does not look like any underprivileged 12 year old's work I have ever seen - so I suspect a "trap"...

Hello Myra! You've had a rough start that's for sure. It looks like you've already figured out for yourself that you're going to have to get what you need on your own pretty much. It also looks like you're the kind of person that can do it too. Chicago can be a pretty harsh place. The good news is there's a lot really good people there too; you can tell by their eyes. Like your eyes. You have good eyes Myra. We're here too. We talk about anything and everything all the time. There are lots of people of all ages here, from all over the world, with all kinds of life experiences that will listen to you and respond to you. Welcome to SP Myra!

Myra: Wow. You have a lot of crap to deal with. YOU are not messed up. You seem to see things rather clearly and recognize that you need help, which I don't think is going to come from your family. When you get back to school, go to the teacher you trust/like the most and ask them for help. You are going to be your own lifeboat kiddo; don't give up on yourself or a good life. Stay in school. It will allow you options when you can truly take over your life. God bless.

You know I am doing better I mean I stopped cutting myself and I'm trying to stop smoking but you know what a b*tch that is?

this time of year is emotionally difficult for many people. You might want to talk about these matters with your school counselor, who can better direct you to the people who can help you the most. It is very admirable that you recognize that the current place you are is not the place you want to be. One place, that you can go on your own that would be helpful, is AlaTeen. While it is a youth support group for children of alcholics, your parent doesn't have to be a member of AA, nor even an admitted alcholic. It is for you. Check your local phone book for a group near you. If you don't find AlaTeen, call AA for directions.

I've been to Big brother's big sister's trust me didn't help she taught me about pot!!!! Not the best big sister. Did you know pot is legal in Amsterdam?

@Mymy12 Earth

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SoulPancake

Mymy12

WHY AM I SO MESSED UP?

RockinRyan

Don't worry, your going to have to go through the rough before you hit the better.

DanielPotashov

You're right, and I think I'm glad you came to this site. C-can I draw you?

scottpowell

There's something about this that I don't trust...

bobbiesgirl

mothershoulditrust

plus your super gorgeous...

mothershoulditrust

isotelesis

Ahh Urban Survival, if only we lived in city-states like tribes, don't let others tell you what to feel, learn to respect yourself, you are only messed up because you tell yourself that, you are special.

realitycheckplease

Is there a friend's parent or school counselor with whom you can speak? You are smart to ask the question and seek the answer to another path in your life.

chantarella

Mistral

http://www.child.net/teenchi.htm" target="_blank">http://www.child.net/teenchi.htm ^ gives links for teens in Chicago, everything from crisis hotlines to what to do on saturdays.

jiohdi

DAISYDO

littlehart

ps, you are beautiful, great look :)

littlehart

flashbanding

Having said that - this typing does not look like any underprivileged 12 year old's work I have ever seen - so I suspect a "trap"...

1more

mcall

Mymy12

You know I am doing better I mean I stopped cutting myself and I'm trying to stop smoking but you know what a b*tch that is?

melb2

Mymy12

I've been to Big brother's big sister's trust me didn't help she taught me about pot!!!! Not the best big sister. Did you know pot is legal in Amsterdam?

WHY AM I SO MESSED UP?

Don't worry, your going to have to go through the rough before you hit the better.

You're right, and I think I'm glad you came to this site. C-can I draw you?

There's something about this that I don't trust...

plus your super gorgeous...

Ahh Urban Survival, if only we lived in city-states like tribes, don't let others tell you what to feel, learn to respect yourself, you are only messed up because you tell yourself that, you are special.

Is there a friend's parent or school counselor with whom you can speak? You are smart to ask the question and seek the answer to another path in your life.

http://www.child.net/teenchi.htm" target="_blank">http://www.child.net/teenchi.htm ^ gives links for teens in Chicago, everything from crisis hotlines to what to do on saturdays.

ps, you are beautiful, great look :)

Having said that - this typing does not look like any underprivileged 12 year old's work I have ever seen - so I suspect a "trap"...

You know I am doing better I mean I stopped cutting myself and I'm trying to stop smoking but you know what a b*tch that is?

I've been to Big brother's big sister's trust me didn't help she taught me about pot!!!! Not the best big sister. Did you know pot is legal in Amsterdam?

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