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moniquesmile

- 2 years ago

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Such thing as a break? Or just an end?

Part 1: So is there such thing as just "taking a break" in a relationship? Or is it just postponing something more permanent? Part 2: What does it mean if a guy tells you "Don't take this the wrong way, but I think we should take a break"? What does is the outcome when you ask why and he says "He's confused" about "a lot of things"? Part 3: Am I wasting my time waiting for him to take me back?

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1. yes. 2. don't take it the wrong way, but he feels like taking a break. unless he really tells you the answer, you're stuck.
3. you decide.

Part 3; I think your wasting you time a girl friend but hey that's me if you think he really just wants a break wait for him

HEAD’S UP, Honey. NOW is the time to learn how to preserve your own dignity. Men will always want to have the upper hand and get you to give more than you get. Some of them look for ladies who haven’t figured out how to protect themselves from this behavior. Not saying this guy is that sophisticated. Just saying you need to focus on your own processes in order to learn how to deal with it. It sounds like the guy is not as strongly attached to you as you might have thought. There are two ways to go here. You could follow the advice from calholli and Stinkyhenry and go on as if you did not care and it may rekindle his interest. If it doesn’t work, at least you won’t come across as a dependent type. Alternatively you could go with the advice of PopeSkippy XVI and Wahoo4UVA and truly focus your heart/mind elsewhere. This way, if he again wants a position in your life, he will have to re-earn it. Either way, you preserve your dignity. What you do not want to do is simply hang on waiting to see if he wants to be in a relationship with you. He may have some meaning as to what taking a break means. He made that up for himself. You can make up what taking a break means to you. He cannot walk away and think he can still veto your decisions. If he just wants you on a longer leash, get out the scissors. There are boys and men who will have sufficient respect for you. They do not gravitate to girls and women who do not yet know how to respect themselves. How you treat yourself pretty much determines how others will treat you. Below is the advice I was referring to. from PopeSkippyXVI: He's probably confusing you with a non-sentient being, which is not your fault. Unless you let him get away with. You deserve better than that, imo. from Waho4UVA: they take this passive approach rather than tactfully telling the truth of the matter. and from calholli: just pretend its over... and it won't be. from Stinkyhenry: When a man tells me he wants a break, he becomes invisible and I go on with my life as if I didn't care. Sometimes I care very much and I don't show it on the outside. I start doing the things I want to do that I didn't do when I was with him. If he wants a break from me then he wasn't that into me. I didn't mean that much to him. So, I stop wasting my time and leave room in my life for a guy to come along who thinks as much of me as I deserve to be thought of.

at that age - lots of potential reasons.. I am just proud of my 18 year old daughter who seems to have sussed that relationships at this age are very much all about testing the waters - real love requires many experiences and experiments before it becomes something solid... Oh, and watch out for the famous lines - "it isn't you its me" & "I just need some space" - (pukesville) - yes it is them... having found someone else or just pissing off...

Taking a break at THIS TIME of the year means he doesn't want to have to buy you a Christmas present. As Ryan pointed out, you are only 15 and imo Ryan gives sound advice. He knows it from your side. When a man tells me he wants a break, he becomes invisable and I go on with my life as if I didn't care. Sometimes I care very much and I don't show it on the outside. I start doing the things I want to do that I didn't do when I was with him. If he wants a break from me then he wasn't that into me. I didn't mean that much to him. So, I stop wasting my time and leave room in my life for a guy to come along who thinks as much of me as I deserve to be thought of.

Well I'm sure I'm at least twice your age but let me say this; I have now been friends with married couples who were having marital problems and decided to seperate without getting divorced to see if they could get some time to think without being distracted as to which direction they permanently wanted to go. I know personally couples that DID get back together and are still married and I know couples that DID NOT get back together and ended up divorced. Now, I'm fairly sure you are not reffering to marriage here and yes, to break it off is way easier being not married. But it really does matter as to why the person wants to take a break. From what I've found, the seperation/break has LESS to do with you than it does with themselves. A lot of people start to freak when the infatuation part of their initial phase of a new relationship starts to fade and they begin to doubt themselves if they really are in love anymore. Sometimes a little distance can allow a person to see what it is like to live without the other and make them realize that yes, deep down, I really do love this person. Other times it makes one realize, okay, Im not wanting to go back. I can't tell you which direction yours will go, but I do know, whatever direction it is supposed too, may be answered by a break from one another. Let whatever happens happen though.

I agree with jimkissedpam. There is such a thing as a break and it does not necessarily mean the end. Certainly people have things they need to sort out, sometimes on their own, that, until they've resolved, it is best for them not to be in a relationship until they have. People do go through things that may be significant enough that it is better for them not to date. Reasons for the break should be explicitly stated though. Such as, "I'm struggling with [enter challenge here] that needs my attention and until I've overcome [said challenge] I don't have much to contribute to a mutually satisfying relationship." With a vague "explanation" like the one you received, I'm leaning toward it being a lame and passive way of saying "I'm breaking up with you" without actually having to say those words and in an attempt not to be the as-hole. Guys hate being the as-hole. Also like jimkissedpam said, guys are stupid this way. It's not a bad move, but it looks that way because they take this passive approach rather than tactfully telling the truth of the matter.

You guys are all being pretty harsh. Her myspace says she's 15, which means he's probably close to that age as well. He doesn't know how to "break up" with a girl, and he may really not even realize that that's what he's trying to do. My advice, go ahead and move on, or at least prepare yourself to. = Don't take my advice. There's nobody on Earth less qualified than me to give relationship advice. NOBODY.

act as if... just pretend its over... and it won't be..

sounds to me that dude is saying "I"m going to see if there is somebody else that I would rather 'be with,' so save me a place in case everybody else sees through me and kicks me to the curb. Including my mama, probably." He's probably confusing you with a non-sentient being, which is not your fault. Unless you let him get away with. Depends on the definition of wasting your time. If you've meant to catch up on your reading, doing a little paint by number, and keep yourself closed to a relationship that would be mutually beneficial, maybe not. You deserve better than that, imo.

break = end.... sorry.... it seems that most people who spend time apart are doing so in order to gain the strength that they need to sever the relationship entirely. "Don't take this the wrong way" is a poor attempt at deception. He's looking to reorganize to gain a position of strength / superiority from which he can control the situation.

I think there is such a thing as a break; it doesn't necessarily mean it's the end. Sometimes, especially after a big change, people need some time to regroup. And that's fine. A break is no big deal. But he should be able to talk about the reasons more specifically. A cop-out answer like the one you quoted just screams BS to me. I can't say for sure, as I am not involved in the relationship beyond what you've asked, but I would say that if he's unwilling to talk about the issues and be a man about it... he may just be trying end it without explicitly saying so. Because he may think that this would hurt your feelings less. Because a lot of guys are stupid in that way. There are many aspects of the relationship that I don't know anything about, but that's what I think from the little I do know.

@moniquesmile Kodiak, AK & Honolulu, HI

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moniquesmile

Such thing as a break? Or just an end?

DanielPotashov

1. yes. 2. don't take it the wrong way, but he feels like taking a break. unless he really tells you the answer, you're stuck.
3. you decide.

Mymy12

Part 3; I think your wasting you time a girl friend but hey that's me if you think he really just wants a break wait for him

DAISYDO

flashbanding

stinkyhenry

Guitardds

Wahoo4UVA

RyanLBailey

calholli

act as if... just pretend its over... and it won't be..

PopeSkippyXVI

dancingplatypus

jimkissedpam

Such thing as a break? Or just an end?

1. yes. 2. don't take it the wrong way, but he feels like taking a break. unless he really tells you the answer, you're stuck.3. you decide.

Part 3; I think your wasting you time a girl friend but hey that's me if you think he really just wants a break wait for him

act as if... just pretend its over... and it won't be..

What's Next?

1. yes. 2. don't take it the wrong way, but he feels like taking a break. unless he really tells you the answer, you're stuck.
3. you decide.