SoulPancake / Conversations / Do you behave differently when other people are around?

erinbrown5

- 3 years ago

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Do you behave differently when other people are around?

I have often wondered at the "church ladies"...The people who in church as loving, kind and reverent to God, yet in their private lives, they are mean and selfish, sometimes hurtful and spiteful. Are these the teachings inside your church? Also, I know someone who has to change their personality just to be around their wife. If you can't be yourself, does she really love you? I mean, REALLY love you? I think it would really be too much work, but I see these people all the time. These people who pretend to be one thing, then are someone else when no one is looking...

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We're all different when there are people around us....who picks their nose in public? You can be yourself at all times, but you have to be a different version of yourself depending on who you're with. I don't make inappropriate jokes when I'm at boss's house for a holiday party, and I don't dress or act professional when I'm with my girlfriends. It's called being adaptable and it's necessary. I think I'm messy and neat. I'm messy at home and neat at work. That doesn't mean that I'm "not myself" at either of these places, but messy is who I am at home and neat is who I am at work.

(Binary/Image)

Unfortunately yes. this is the biggest thing I really hate about myself. when I'm in a group, especially among people I don't know very well I act like a totally different person. It really makes me nervous because I always want to make people like me and I don't know which one is really me. that sucks

nope I am me, take it or leave it, why would I act differently for different people, that is fake and goes with a materialistic culture that unfortunately we are currently struggling through. People who know me love me for who I am and that is always just me!

I certainly do...

I think that we adapt our behavior to the situations that we are in.

I believe that to a certain extent we all do.

Yes. I'm a watered down version of myself when around most people. Some of those "most" people would probably be (pleasantly) surprised to learn what I'm like underneath it all.

I don't masturbate in public! [Maybe someday this will be socially acceptable ;-)] Yes, and I act differently around different people. I have various circles of friends and business relationships. I don't think it would be appropriate if I said and did some of the things at a business seminar that I would do with my poker buddys, it would be very frowned upon. This does not make me a bad or different person, it just shows I have the ability use good judgement. (Not always, but most of the time.) I can say I work very hard at not being hypocritical or judgemental. It is my belief that everyone is at a different level in life. If we all knew better then we would not have the dumb things happening in life we do. I work everyday to know better and act on it.

to a degree yes...I am a procedure and protocol person by day and a slob by night but I am always me ...opinionated, loyal, vocal, stubborn, hard working, family and friend focused...

Yes, I most certainly do, and I feel awful because I am one of those "church ladies." However, going to church makes me a better person by the day, so I would be worse off NOT going. And what would happen if one of those "church ladies" acted in church like they acted in private? It would fill the church with hate rather than love and no one would want to be in that environment.

In certain ways, yes. But for me, it always wins to be just yourself.

Many thoughts on this one. I think it's the culture of church to put on a face. It's a unique experience in my book to find people who can be genuine and vulnerable in that mode of their life . . . there's just too much expectation. I have difficulty imagining being partners with someone who I couldn't be my most real silly, grouchy, tearful, vulnerable, confident, sexy self with. In general with new people, yes, I behave differently. It's called impression management. I keep myself protected (not necessarily "defended", just less vulnerable) until I feel comfortable with certain people. Some people I will always be more conservative with myself around, not trusting that they are someone I can or want to connect with and so I keep it superficial . . . and others I am free to be myself quickly and easily. When others are have the feeling of genuineness, authenticity, and non-judging attitudes themselves, then I trust I can be genuine and authentic - even if our personalities don't match. It's the safety of being real that is the key. However this whole process of impression management isn't even a conscious process for me unless I'm intentionally examining it . . . its just an automatic way of finding out who is connecting and safe and who potentially threatening. FYI, by using the words "threatening" and "safety" I am not necessarily referring to physical safety, but emotional and interpersonal safety.

i used to change to try and fit in when i was younger .. ((but i never could do it right)).... now i just don't care anymore..

I know I act differently around my in-laws. I can be more open with my mother-in-law than my husband's grandmother or aunt - all of whom are church ladies - because my mother-in-law doesn't take it all as seriously as the rest of them. By that I mean she's not extremist or militant about it, nor is her life completely consumed by church. I will say I understand the question, and I do think people use church as a front to make themselves seem 'holier than thou', but the few times I've had issues with those women, they have been honest and forthright and kept everyone's best interest in mind, not just their own. I guess I married into a good lot of folks =]

I sleep less... and if those church ladies are around I fire catapulted peas at people a lot more...

I am different with different people. Chameleon is the right word. For those whom I do not really know, I will talk less and be 'Phlegmatic'. Then I hate myself because I act differently, you know, its like lying to myself.

We all do with certain people it's natural. It depends on the relationship and the way you feel about the person.

I talk to myself much less when I am around others :)

SoulPancake

erinbrown5

Do you behave differently when other people are around?

jpbarwick

Dellaclaire

(Binary/Image)

farnaz

desrtrse

nope I am me, take it or leave it, why would I act differently for different people, that is fake and goes with a materialistic culture that unfortunately we are currently struggling through. People who know me love me for who I am and that is always just me!

Gutwrench

I certainly do...

drpski1

I think that we adapt our behavior to the situations that we are in.

drpski1

I believe that to a certain extent we all do.

Wahoo4UVA

Yes. I'm a watered down version of myself when around most people. Some of those "most" people would probably be (pleasantly) surprised to learn what I'm like underneath it all.

Benwa

akdux

to a degree yes...I am a procedure and protocol person by day and a slob by night but I am always me ...opinionated, loyal, vocal, stubborn, hard working, family and friend focused...

mayahee13

Jenkz

In certain ways, yes. But for me, it always wins to be just yourself.

Jenkz

In certain ways, yes. But for me, it always wins to be just yourself.

karin

eclipsia

i used to change to try and fit in when i was younger .. ((but i never could do it right)).... now i just don't care anymore..

LoveBabyO

flashbanding

I sleep less... and if those church ladies are around I fire catapulted peas at people a lot more...

kaitlin

I am different with different people. Chameleon is the right word. For those whom I do not really know, I will talk less and be 'Phlegmatic'. Then I hate myself because I act differently, you know, its like lying to myself.

Mymy12

We all do with certain people it's natural. It depends on the relationship and the way you feel about the person.

kdmask

I talk to myself much less when I am around others :)

Do you behave differently when other people are around?

(Binary/Image)

nope I am me, take it or leave it, why would I act differently for different people, that is fake and goes with a materialistic culture that unfortunately we are currently struggling through. People who know me love me for who I am and that is always just me!

I certainly do...

I think that we adapt our behavior to the situations that we are in.

I believe that to a certain extent we all do.

Yes. I'm a watered down version of myself when around most people. Some of those "most" people would probably be (pleasantly) surprised to learn what I'm like underneath it all.

to a degree yes...I am a procedure and protocol person by day and a slob by night but I am always me ...opinionated, loyal, vocal, stubborn, hard working, family and friend focused...

In certain ways, yes. But for me, it always wins to be just yourself.

In certain ways, yes. But for me, it always wins to be just yourself.

i used to change to try and fit in when i was younger .. ((but i never could do it right)).... now i just don't care anymore..

I sleep less... and if those church ladies are around I fire catapulted peas at people a lot more...

I am different with different people. Chameleon is the right word. For those whom I do not really know, I will talk less and be 'Phlegmatic'. Then I hate myself because I act differently, you know, its like lying to myself.

We all do with certain people it's natural. It depends on the relationship and the way you feel about the person.

I talk to myself much less when I am around others :)

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