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Cellar_Door

- 3 years ago

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Terrified to Lose God - A Prayer Dissected

I recently discovered a prayer to the Christian God that I wrote many years ago. I found it positively fascinating. Since then I have become agnostic, though much of my thinking is still influenced by spirituality. I have found a number of thought-provoking questions in response to this prayer. There are too many to post all at once, so over the next few days I will be posting them in different installments. The very first sentence inspired me, so this first bit is quite short!</br></br> <b>â€œI'm terrified, Lord. I can't lose you.â€</br></br> How do you react to the idea of being terrified to lose God?</b> Or terrified of not feeling his (or any spiritual) influence in your life? Is this normal? Is this healthy? Does this only happen to people who are raised from childhood in the faith? Is this evidence that I was using my religion as a crutch? Or is natural that a person of faith be terrified of a world without faith?

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I see the extreme fear and extreme confidence expressed here and elsewhere, as being a bit like the extreme political wings - both a little too desperate for me not to conclude that there is something inside them that is their major problem. I don't believe you can lose God any more than you need a torch to look at the sun... God is not a being, not a separateness, not any of the things that I regularity see postulated by Religious people - its us, you, me all of us, and in some ways its not as tricky as people want to make out... If I were to design my perfect way of making sure people did not discover any truths about divinity, I would design organised religion...

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It makes perfect sense to me. It doesn't only happen to people who are raised from childhood in the faith, because it happened to me after I had come back to faith after a very deep and long agnostic stretch. I found it helped me to go ahead and get "broken" a few times - what was true and useful of my faith was there on the other side, and at least some pride got lost through the testing process.

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This question reminds me of when I once spoke to someone who had had a terrifying experience. He was doing a lot of drugs and came to the point where he no longer appreciated the beauties of nature. His heart simply did not respond as it used to. He became so frightened as to what he might become that he quit all of it. Over the following months, normal function returned to him.

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Whatever God is, we are. If we think we have lost touch with God (not possible, in my mind) we have really lost touch with ourselves. We can't truly be disconnected from what we came from, not where or who.

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When I made the transition to agnostic, I was terrified of losing God and also of not being able to lose him. As time goes on, 'he' moves to the back of the class and after a while, you aren't even sure if he is still there(in your head), but you are kind of afraid to look in case you might find him,lol. 12 years of Catholic school leaves more than a few indelible marks. Over time the apostate must find somewhat of a new perspective on life. That is best done by reading and thinking on your own. And religious tracts are counterproductive, even dangerous, for the novice on a new path. Thinking of myself as a part of nature, which I Iove, works and seems reasonable for me. Getting over the idea of living forever takes some doing, but living forever as I am(flawed, limited) doesn't seem all that appealing and a heaven that would so transform me would make me not me anyway. Does a 5 year old who dies go through eternity as a 5 year old? If not, who or what is the entity that does? More later from me too,lol.

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Obviously many people would disagree with this, but when logic and reasoning are applied to the circumstance, I don't quite understand how.

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The idea that one can 'lose' or 'separate' his or herself from God is something that hasn't ever made sense to me. It's often mentioned in scripture, but it doesn't hold a lot of water when compared to the characteristics that are associated with God. If God knows what he is doing, and if he has a plan, and if we are a part of that plan, and if nothing is above God's plan, etc, etc, then the idea that we can somehow lose our position in regards to God threatens either God's omniscience or his unconditionalism as it pertains to being all-loving. Whether it's due to choice or (lack of) ability, for us to 'lose' God doesn't allow for one positive thing to be said about him. What will be, will be, and I don't think we ever really can lose our 'position,' if you will, with God, life, fate, destiny, etc...whichever you prefer to call it.

@Cellar_Door Michigan, USA

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