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glasshalffull

- 3 years ago

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Does 'friends with benefits' ever work?

I met a guy. We had a perfect day [and night] together. But neither of us are really interested in anything "serious" or "exclusive"...and I'm worried that the frequency of our hook-ups and the time we spend together will lead to something more. Or possibly even make him think that I want something more [when I don't]. Has anyone ever had a successful "friend-with-benefits" relationship? Ever?

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it didn't work with me.

it depends on what you mean by work

Been there, done that...doesn't work - someone always gets hurt.

I have had it work for me. After my boyfriend of a year and I broke up we did not speak for almost 6 months. finally we realized that we were really good as friends after all we care for each others well being a lot. Any way nether of us were seeing any one or sleeping with any one so we started a friends with benefits relationship. Since then we have both seen other people, and even been involved in other relationships. When we start one of these other relationships the two of us simply stop having sex, when the relationship with the person that we are seeing fizzles out we start up again. Any relationship involving sex involves feelings and one of the major problems that we have had to over come is jealousy of other people, The simplest trick is to not talk about them unless it is something serious or you believe will become serious, you do after all have to maintain your friendship.

hell no gurly. sex is more than physical, and you will find yourself wanting more.

It depends on your time frame. It almost always works for the first 40 minutes or so.

I've considered it before. And I stopped myself using this line of questioning. What is a friend? Should friends, under my definition of what a friend is, have sex with one another? What would it look like to be "friends with benefits"? (i.e. Boundaries.) And what myself or my partner be compromising to do this? For me, the benefits didn't outweigh the gains.

It's not so much a matter of "does it work", so much as "how long". Because it definitely ends at some point, either one or both people develop a different interest that breaks it off. Or both people realize they don't want to be just "FWB" any longer and want to go to the next level. But I have to say it is always a tricky and problem laden thing to do. The "sexual appetite" that has been enticed in our culture is rather extreme, IMHO. Sex is everywhere you look, in sensuously intense imagery within commercials, ads, television, and movies. It's the most talked about aspect of life, in general. Why? Because, and here comes the time honored cliche, "it sells." As a result, people have made it enough of a sought after activity that if one isn't in a romance, they seek it out in a non-committal fashion. Casual sex. One night stands. Friends with benefits. I think it waters the whole experience down and fosters an expectation of the next romantic partner, enough that it encourages affairs. There's far more cheating going on than ever before, because of the change in people's attitude towards sex. So no, I don't think "friends with benefits" really ever works. It does more harm than good. And for what? Uncommitted sexual release. Go watch a video and whack off to that if you really need it...

I think as long as you're clear what the intentions are, it can go ok. But who ever knows what someone will be thinking afterwards? Sex is a powerfully emotional tool.

Not sure but would like to try...are you offering...lol

With honest and open communication the impossible is much more likely!

You can't just say it doesn't ever work. Whoever is saying that either has never experienced "friends with benefits" or has had a failed experience. If you say it never ever works, then explain why it's worked for me? I have hooked up with friends multiple times and it usually is always clear what the intentions are. No one gets attached, because we're only hooking up.

I am over 50. I have been with only two men my whole life. Having been married for 27 years to a guy I fell in love with at age 14 and being faithful, (though it turns out he was not), then divorcing and meeting my present husband, I haven't the experience first-hand to comment. I do have a wonderful daughter, though, who sayd that it's too messy for her. Tried it, didn't work. I know when I started kind of dating around, many men figured that I would sleep with them right off the bat. Wrong-o. I just decided to sort of turn that part off until/unless I met someone else who I wanted to share such a sacred part of me with another person. Think about the long haul. Your soul is a forever thing

In my experience, no. Its a very dangerous thing to play at, the sexual relationship.

I had one. I had sex with a friend, a few times, then she went back to wanting some other guy, so I went back to being her friend. Also, for a short period, I had sex with my ex-wife after we were divorced, but we remained "just friends." I think it's easier to have a "friends with benefits" relationship if you have already had a romantic relationship, and it failed, but not enough to spoil the friendship. If I didn't get re-married, I might still have such a relationship.

It works from a point of view - I think it's wonderful but also hazardous. In short the highest possible road - the sage would probably eschew it as he would smoking or any other risky behavior. After all- (and not that there are not ways of managing these risks to a greater or lesser degree) there is disease, and birth control to worry about. Physically opening yourself up to someone like that parallels a spiritual vulnerability, union and creativity. I think fundamental to that kind of intimacy is a sort of risk which - is maximally mitigated and whose impulse is ideally described in marriage. I think that institution arises from this age old question to which it seems the most prudent advise is- no in the long run it's pretty much a problem. The thing is- I wouldn't say don't do it, but you are pretty likely find over the long run (by the time you are forty?) that it you will have accrued some trouble, some regret etc.

no people get jealous

Yes, you can have a successful "friends with benefits" relationship, however, in my experience, you need to be clear, if not they will assume you want more. A lot of guys think that because you're a girl you have wedding bells chiming in your ear the instant that you are near a penis. I have had friends in the past who I loved deeply but I didn't want to marry them or commit in anyway, not because they weren't great people, but because we didn't work in that context. It takes a secure man to be alright with a woman with experience, and just to be wanted for sex and friendship, trust me. Tread lightly, it is easy to get hurt, or hurt others and when you do find that someone special you do want to commit to, they will most likely not be cool with you talking to a former friends with benefit friend. Something more fun than friends with benifits, is an enemy with benefits, you can do a lot more with someone that you can't stand, and don't care what they think of you.

I think being really in touch with your own emotions and stopping when you know it's not right is probably the only way it could work. I have been heart broken and heart broken others and we've both been left heart broken. But...other times it has been really fun and proved to be harmless. Would I do it again? Every time.

If you mean a friend to have sex with, then no. sex is mainly to pro-create. it brings a bond between a man and a woman. having pleasure with the same sex, i imagine creates a bond but a superficial one.

@glasshalffull Muncie, IN

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Does 'friends with benefits' ever work?