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Let me just explain my situation.

Here it goes: I feel like I am not enjoying my childhood enough and that I am thinking too maturely. For example: My soccer team is making sweatshirts for the team that are 30 dollars each. My parents ask me if I wanted to get one. Before they asked, I overheard (note, that they were talking pretty loudly) about how they were too expensive and that they are already getting practice shirts for me and all of the stuff about my dad being out of work and all. So when they asked me, of course I said "No, they're too expensive" since I would feel guilty if they spent all that money just for a sweatshirt. But they tell me not to worry about the price, but I just can't stop thinking about what that 30 dollars could be spent on other than the sweatshirt. I just think I shouldn't worry about financial things and all that since I'm only 12. I feel like I should just be like " Ok, sure, the team and I will all match" or something like that. Not, "We could get essential grocery with that money" And it is not just this. I feel like I'm missing out on my childhood because of my mind. Not saying I don't like being smart or anything, but just I wish my brain and my conscious could just tone it down a bit sometimes. That's all. Sorry for my rambling :(

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Bleach your hair. Maybe that will help. :)

Thank you all for your excellent feedback! Not saying this is over, I want this fantastic intellectual conversation to keep going. It feels great that there are people like you guys who have great advice to give the world. God Bless. -Anna

You've gotten a lot of excellent feedback. "When I was your age" I thought there was something wrong with me because I wasn't yet in college. Yeah. From my experience, your brain will never tone it down! Your big challenge in life will be how to make your abilities - of observation and realization - to work for you and the people around you, without being reduced to a cynical puddle of unhappiness. Let us know how it goes; at twenty seven I am still learning!

I have two words for you (and then I will do a bunch of rambling, too!): Just. Be. Stop worrying about whether or you not you are growing up right - you are. Whoever you are, whatever way your mind works, whichever rate you are maturing - you are doing it right. As long as you are true to your values and morals, as long as you are not hurting anyone else, as long as you are not hurting yourself - you are doing it right. Growing up is about questioning the world and figuring out who you will be; you are asking the questions - you are doing it right. Be yourself and allow yourself to evolve - without doubt, guilt or condemnation. Everyone grows at different rates, our brains mature in different ways, our ideas and ideals are unique, as are the circumstances that form them. It is impossible to miss out on your "childhood" because childhood is an age, not a state of mind. Be proud that you are considerate of the needs of others. Be thankful that you have a brain that works so well. But don't chain yourself to the world's concept of who you should be and what stage of growth is appropriate for your age. And don't belittle yourself if you skip a step or if you take a little longer than others at some other step (because, trust me, you will). Allow yourself to live and grow and be happy. Understand that you are unique - and so is everyone else. Just. Be. Yourself. Whoever that may be. And know that you are pretty damn awesome. Just the way you are. (And never, ever apologize for rambling!! xxx)

There's already a lot of good advice here on the money issue, so I'll skip to the "not enjoying my childhood" part. I think you're hitting that stage where you've stepped out into the sunlight of real-world, grown-up truth and it's feeling like a little too much. Part of you wants to run back into the sheltered life you had before, and part of you feels like you don't fit in that tiny space anymore. Well here's the thing... everything is as it should be. Everyone goes through this; at different times and for different reasons, but we all have to go there sometime. If you were 6 I would be concerned, but 12 is just about right. But don't worry about "losing your childhood." You may have to let go of certain comforts that are only afforded to kids, but you don't ever have to let go of the best parts of being a kid. I'm 44 and I still make it a point to set aside the stresses of adulthood and inject every day with some play, some song, a little silliness and a lot of curiosity and wonder. Now is a great time for you to learn how to deal with reality without losing your spirit. It's not a simple process, but you can learn how to keep the best part of childhood while you face the challenges of the real world. Good luck!

Part of being so aware and inteligent is good problem solving... You're blessed, use that blessing to the fullest. Perhaps you could sit down with your parents and say "hey I know this sweatshirt is a bit pricey... if I come up with half the money for it will you guys chip in the rest?" There's alot of ways to make money out there, even for a kid your age. Take some video games to game stop, do some neighbor's yard work, ask relatives if they need a hand for hire... I was in a similar situation when I was a kid, as far back as I can remember my parents had money trouble and I knew about it. My dad was often unemployed. I take the lessons that i've learned about money from them to heart and i've used those lessons in life. But as far back as I can remember I was always trying to earn money on my own one way or another- wether it be selling the toys I no longer played with to younger kids on the bus, setting up a cliche lemon-aide stand, having a yard sale, doing extra chores... Problems are easier to deal with if you look for a solution rather than just focusing on the problem.

You can't take responsibility for your parent's financial problems or any other area that falls under 'parental responsibility.' It is good that you're aware and don't want to create a burden, but burdens are part of being a family. Your parents want you to have the things you need and if that means doing without so they can buy the sweatshirt, that's what they'll do. You shouldn't feel guilty for that. And you shouldn't think you're missing out on your childhood because your thought processes are rational. Being a kid doesn't mean you are clueless. You are developing and it sounds to me like your parents have done a good job in raising a thoughtful and responsible person. Being conscientious and caring is a plus and something that many adults could use more of.

Why would financial ignorance count for an "enjoyable" childhood? Childhood is about acquiring knowledge, and it is how you apply new knowledge in different situations. Growing up is an ever-changing experience without any definite stop/start points, unlike school where you clearly progress from one grade to the next.

Few 12 year olds would give a second thought to the dilemma. $30 for a sweatshirt? So what, I WANT IT!! My opinion is that you are blessed with awareness and the ability to reflect on your life and actions. However, your parents are ultimately responsible for you and this issue. If they want to buy the sweatshirt for you, let them. They are in charge. Let go of their responsibility and any guilt about the price. Some things are just worth it, for you AND your parents. They have the final say, so if they say they will buy it, hooray. It will make them happy and you will match the team. (you'll have plenty of time to be frugal when you are a crotchety old man)

The funny thing is that simple things like your sweatshirt dilemma will be part of your memories of childhood. I don't remember the silly things like shooting milk out my nose or who was in my seventh grade class as much as I remember the profound ones. Being financially responsible is a skill that you will use for the rest of your life so having a conscious is being ahead of the game. It's a good thing! The sooner you learn certain lessons you can enjoy your childhood thinking about less pressing situations. Here's the thing, let your parents know what you're thinking. Together you can figure it all out but the greatest gift that you can give to them is to allow them to be proud of you and know that they are doing a good job of raising such a thoughtful person.

I had(and still have) the same porblem. I was always thinking to maturley for my age too.

I think the whole exercise of childhood is to become an adult. Part of that process is trading entitlement for responsibility. It looks like you're well on the way to doing that, and, sadly, many adults never get past entitlement, so congratulations. Maybe, if you approached your parents with something like "I heard you talking about the expense [ which lets them know that you're aware] and I would like to have this sweatshirt, but not if it's going to cause a problem for our family. If we can work it in, fine. If not, I'll be okay." Then let them make the decision, but let's hope they don't make you feel guilty later. I would be happy to have a 12 year old like you.

Your childhood is what you shape it to be. As a person you are incredibly articulate and obviously very self aware which does not mean that you are missing out on your childhood. It simply means that you think in a different way than the stereotype of a twelve year old. The mind is an incredibly strong tool. If you believe you are missing out on your childhood, then you will. The key here is what you believe to be true.

I'm in my late twenties and relate to 'over thinking' when I was your age. I used to -- and still do obsess about things and I have always felt that I perceived things differently from my peers. Over time I turned to alcohol to quiet down my mind and eventually would abuse it on occasion. I've been somewhat successful in my life, and have quit drinking -- but I relate to your story and feel it may be a case of obsessive thinking. The good news is that you are not alone and its not a terrible burden to bear. I feel that some of my anxiety has actually driven me to save more and spend less in my life. Just realize that you are not your thoughts -- and learn how to meditate. You can download some guided meditation MP3s online for free to help get you started...

I think you should just give yourself props for not being a selfish douche. If you get started on that now, adult relationships will be that much easier. I mean, I was a selfish douche when I was your age and 13 years later, I am still a selfish douche. Plus, you need to lighten up. Don't take yourself so seriously. Be happy with who you are. It could be much worse.

When you overheard your parents say that they think the shirt is too expensive, it might just be that they don't think the shirts are value for money - it doesn't mean they can't afford to buy it for you. If they really, really couldn't afford the expense, they wouldn't offer to buy it for you - and even if they can't, that's their responsibility as parents to make the choice - to say 'I'm sorry I can't afford to buy you that right now' or sacrifice something of their own to give you what you need, so don't feel guilty. If it's important for you to have the shirt you should say you want it - one of the wonderful things about being young is being able to be honest. But if you are honest with yourself, and it really isn't important for you to have the shirt, then maybe say something to your folks like 'If I don't get the shirt, can we put the $30 towards something I would really like instead later on?' Then maybe when your Dad finds work again you can remind them about spending the $30 on something else. Don't feel guilty about wanting things - as a young person you don't have your own source of income and it is your parents' responsibility to give you what they can afford to give you (outside of the basic shelter, water and love needs that everyone deserves to have fulfilled regardless of money). I hope your parents know how lucky they are to have a child like you - one who understands that money doesn't grow on trees, and who is sensitive to the needs of others and not just their own. You should be proud of yourself :)

I don't have anything to add, but I just wanted to tell you that I am so very impressed that you are 12 years old and are able to express yourself in writing so articulately. Really impressed. You should do more of it. Hang in there, kiddo. No matter what is happening right now, your future is bright.

I don't think you having a conscience about your family's financial situation is a bad thing at all. If you don't think that this sweatshirt is the most important thing in the world to you, then it's great that you understand that. You know that you're not going to give into things just to fit in when you know it's not the best thing for you. This situation is a great sign for a lot of other things that are going to happen in your life, maybe even things that aren't financially related. I think if your parents couldn't buy you something, they wouldn't hesitate to tell you no. The fact that you're not putting your parents through the stress of "Mommy, can I have this? Mommy, can I have this? Mommy, can I have this?" Is probably very helpful to them, and makes them feel better, because they're not denying you of things that you want. Parents would love to give you everything you want, but they can't always do that. I think you're being very mature, and this is a situation that this is ok. You just have to remember that you can still be a kid, despite making intelligent decisions. if it's something you really feel is important to your family and the outcome of your family, then be responsible about it. That doesn't mean you have to feel responsible for everything, and you don't have to refuse every small thing your parents offer, either. Just pick and choose whichthings to think about. :]

Gosh, kiddo, I'm not sure where to start because your comment's got a lot of info in there. First, you should know that adults, including parents, like to btch and moan. And second, that they frequently make the mistake of not realizing kids are listening to them. So maybe your dad was feeling so bad about being out of work that he needed to btch and moan. It was cathartic for him. (Maybe like posting to Soul Pancake is for you?) We don't always mean the things we say when we say them for catharsis. (HAven't you ever said "I hate X" out of anger or frustration, or when you felt that X didn't like you?) ANd if you happen to hear something said in that spirit, it can hurt like hell, but you've got to get past that and know that the person was just working through their emotions. So you need to trust and believe what your parents said. (And if that $30 wasn't there, there'd be no discussion about it, kiddo, you'd know you weren't getting that shirt.) I aslo have some bad news for you. Your childhood is, in fact, winding down. Being a teen is different than being a kid. The next five years are going to be a roller coaster. They are for everybody. You say that you're missing out on your childhood because of your mind. My guess is that you don't express or share these thoughts too much. That's why they weigh on you so heavily. Talk, Write. Do things, musics or sports or whatever. Keeping your mind and body engaged will help you unravel your thoughts and lighten your load. It's troubling for me that you are sooo comfortable with feeling guilty. Guilt is a bad emotion because it freezes you; it promotes stasis, and prevents you from going forward. DOn't let feeling guilty become a habit, it's a tough habit to break. By the way, kid, you rock.

You've gotten a lot of great advice here. You got a good thing going here Rainn! So, all I have to say is this: Keep listening to Radiohead... music helps!! Good music definitely helps!

@RadioheadAddict Long Island

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SoulPancake

RadioheadAddict

Let me just explain my situation.

DAISYDO

Bleach your hair. Maybe that will help. :)

RadioheadAddict

Thank you all for your excellent feedback! Not saying this is over, I want this fantastic intellectual conversation to keep going. It feels great that there are people like you guys who have great advice to give the world. God Bless. -Anna

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I had(and still have) the same porblem. I was always thinking to maturley for my age too.

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You've gotten a lot of great advice here. You got a good thing going here Rainn! So, all I have to say is this: Keep listening to Radiohead... music helps!! Good music definitely helps!

Let me just explain my situation.

Bleach your hair. Maybe that will help. :)

Thank you all for your excellent feedback! Not saying this is over, I want this fantastic intellectual conversation to keep going. It feels great that there are people like you guys who have great advice to give the world. God Bless. -Anna

I had(and still have) the same porblem. I was always thinking to maturley for my age too.

You've gotten a lot of great advice here. You got a good thing going here Rainn! So, all I have to say is this: Keep listening to Radiohead... music helps!! Good music definitely helps!

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