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Kunulovesu

- 3 years ago

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How does a child cope after losing the most important person in their life?

Personally, I never thought I'd make it in this life after my mom passed away, I've never gotten over losing her... but still I have to say, I'm doing okay, Thanks to God who has always favoured me... though sometimes I wonder how other people cope with such losses??? coz I know mine wasn't easy at all....

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A child especially should be surrounded by those who love them, for a long time. Some of those around them are hurting too but the child is most important. They should be asked how they are feeling regularly? Are they angry? Sad? They should not be left emotionally alone. they should ask the older people who loved the person that died to write down stories or collect films and photos for safe keeping for them later. Because if they are really young....I was 7 when My Dad died......memories of them can fade. I only have one movie of him, lots of photos and none of his voice....and the stories I have collected myself and now write them for my daughter so she can know what her grandpa was about, what he stood for, etc. I remember how he made me feel the most. He was a loving, funny good man that was there for us.

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I was 13 when my mom died. My parents divorced when I was 7 so she and I were everything to each other. I was never told she was going to die. She had terminal cancer and back then, people didn't feel they should tell the kids. I begged God everyday to make my mother well and when she died I was devastated. I didn't cry for a year, then I cried every night for 6 mos. I was pissed off at God for quite awhile. When my father died 12 years later, I had come full circle and was able to let him go and be at peace with that. Time passes and we go on after loss, but we never forget. We always miss our mommy.

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The best answer to that is something I read in an article several years ago, and it goes along with the "it takes a village to raise a child" idea. The writer started off by describing how small children were handled in a certain culture...can't remember which...at large gatherings. Wherever an adult happened to be sitting, that person was responsible for the well-being of any child that crawled into their "space". The writer also noted that children who lived in the "village" culture and lost parents were far less traumatized than those in this culture, where we don't live by the "village" idea. Because those kids had so many adults responsible for them at one time or another, those kids felt the security of knowing that several adults cared for them and it significantly softened the blow. This doesn't help you right now, but I think it's the answer to the question.

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My father died when I was five. My mother just died a year and a half ago, when I was 40. I like what KimSP said: "I coped...through ignorance..." My mom was NOT emotionally equipped to raise us kids alone, and we ended up in foster care. I remember, with losing my dad so young, that as I grew up, I felt like I lost him over and over again, at each milestone: learning to drive, dating, getting married, having my children, etc. Only after a good talk with my older brother when I was a young woman going through a depression about how cheated I felt not having him in my life growing up, did I let go of the sadness finally.

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My mother died when I was 13, and my father when I was 16. I coped through the kindness and alertness of other relatives, through ignorance, through just living on, and through the bounties of the God. There was an exceedingly rough 8 year stretch, but I got through to the other side and it has been pretty darned good since then.

@Kunulovesu

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