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Mistral

- 3 years ago

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Is it natural to be this grossed out by the thought of pregancy?

Ok, here's the story. My husband is in the army. Because of that we live on an army base. Litterally, we are one of the only, if not the only couple on base that does not have kids. Everyone keeps bugging me about getting pregnant. I am seriously terrified of pregancy and babies. When I express my concern everyone acts like it's unfounded, i'm crazy, or i'm just trying to be funny, or worst yet I have no choice in the matter. I'm seriously pregancy-phobic. To me it is absolutely gross to think that something would be growing inside of me, on top of all of the out of control emotional bs that pregant woman go through from horomones (I pride myself on being a pretty cool and collected cat), and then the horror movies esq embaresment of being naked in a room full of people staring at your snatch while an alien thing claws its way out. I've been watching TLC's baby stories to try to figure out if my fears are founded so far i'm thinking they are... anybody else feel/ ever felt this way?

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ME TOO! i don't think i want kids, not only because of the physical pain but because i'm scared that i would do something wrong, you know?

Sweet Jesus, I feel the exact same way. Although, I do believe my phobia comes more from watching "Birth Day" on Discovery Health than anything. As much as I would love to one day have this little tiny creature that is half of me and half of the love of my life, I'm still terrified of the actual pregnancy in every aspect.

@LovedOne he's not a jerk, it's his WORK BUDDIES that are the problem.

Maybe on top of the phobia, deep down inside you just don't want to perpetuate this guy's bloodline, which - who knows? - might be a good instinct. Maybe he's not even a huge jerk in your book - let's assume you really love the big lunk - but at the very least, it sounds like your desires and plans for the future are pretty incompatible with his, and could lead to a great deal of unhappiness for everybody down the road.

Don't have kids with a guy who's a jerk. Why the heck are you even married to someone like that? I guess those are my questions at this point...

Well, sure. The whole thing is horribly preposterous, with lots of design flaws.I wanted kids, but I sure didn't want to get pregnant. It does a real number on your body, for one thing. It does a number on your relationship. Pregnancy sucks enough without adding a full-blown phobia to it. If you feel that strongly against it, (and actually want kids) adopt - goodness knows the world needs adoptive parents. That was my plan - until I got pregnant by sheer accident (I couldn't take birth control for various reasons). I hated almost every minute of being pregnant, and secretly despised all those women who were flooded with endorphins and bragged that they "loved" being pregnant, and try to encourage you about all the great noble work you're doing. I wanted to punch them. Ironically, you could turn out to be one of those. I suspect they are also the ones who get "runner's high" - just what is THAT all about? But I digress. Natural childbirth (another plan gone awry - I was all for drugs or an epidural, but the baby was in distress) was excruciating. And I had the horrifying experience of having to deliver in a teaching hospital - I was in the throes of it all when I looked up and saw 15-20 students crowded into one end of the delivery room, standing around watching casually. But at that point you just don't give a damn about other people. Your whole focus is entirely on survival. Never saw any of them ever again. Screw 'em. All that being said, I know now that if I can get through pregnancy and delivery, I can get through anything. I also liked the feeling of being kicked and nudged and poked from the inside by the baby - it was cool, and humbling. It gave me a better understanding of how much bigger the whole force of life and creation is beyond my own tiny princess comforts. Then there are all the other people who give you lots of attention, ask you questions and open doors for you and bring you drinks of water, rub your belly and give you their spot in line in the ladies' room, all of which was unexpected and sort of nice in a "wow, people really are pretty great" kind of way. I look at my 3 kids now and realize that raising them to be thoughtful, kind and generous human beings is the hardest and best thing I've ever done. Pregnancy is the easiest part, and the most forgettable - honestly. Perhaps the phobia's misplaced. When it comes to parenting - be afraid. Be very very afraid. Pregnancy's only an eight-month cakewalk compared to that. At the end of it you get a cute cuddly baby that looks at you like you're a rock star. Then, after you've poured the best of yourself into taking care of it and nurturing it and protecting it and teaching it and loving it, it turns into a "entitled" teenager/alien clawing its way into your pockets for your cash and your car keys and looks at you like you're the enemy - talk about out-of-control emotional bs (!) OMG :-) Their whole job now is to reject my brainwashing, fire me as their mother and escape my clutches. "If I play my cards right, maybe I'll get hired back on as consultant," someone said. So I can't even tell you that going through pregnancy was "worth" it. All I know is that there are few things about life that have captured my heart and soul in the same way. This whole life thing is a real piece of work, isn't it? And we get to do it.

Hmm that's interesting.. well terrible and unfortunate given your situation, but what is interesting about it is that my best friend has the very same fear, for the very same reasons. It disgusts her that something will be growing inside her, she hates attention of any kind, and has enough emotional distress as it is. That makes me think it might be a fluke in nature, women terrified of being pregnant. Or there could be some reason you don't realize. How was your relationship with your parents? I know my freinds wasn't that good, maybe it stems from that.

it hurts to read the posts describing infants as demonic. they aren't! they are babies who need you! not aliens! not the kid! tiny humans. with little hearts and minds like sponges. having a vagina is specifically for making and birthing children. same as having a penis is for making children. the pleasure you get from sex is nature's incentive to make babies and continue the species. never forget that is the real purpose, not just to feel good.

I've been around babies and pregnant women since i was nine years old. I'm twenty now and my ideas about it have changed over and over. but I was never disgusted by it, because from the very start the mechanics and the whys and hows of the process were explained and up for discussion. the reason I want to have children when I am married in maybe three to five years is because I have seen the joy and love it has brought my sisters. no one else can make that specific child. yes there's some muck and some pain, but that's life. that's how you know it's worth the time and effort. if it weren't hard, what would be the point? keep in mind that adoption is also throughly rewarding. but my parents have done both, and they say adoption was the hardest labor they have ever gone through. it took years for them to finalize the adoption of my brother and I, and all the while they had to look into the eyes of children who asked every day if they had to leave and go back to their birth mother and foster care. it caused my parents physical pain to admit their uncertainty. sometimes the biological parents refuse to go away. we've had problems for the last ten years because she would not let go. another factor to consider is that with adoption you have to be prepared to love a child that may not fit your ideal. he or she maybe be older than an infant, may be of a different race than you and your husband, maybe have health, learning and developmental problems. there are millions of reasons children are given up for adoption, and they all affect the child in some way. so don't choose to adopt because it's easy or exciting. it's being in labor for years instead of hours. you have to be prepared to accept that.

One more thought: I totally understand that it's not for everyone! Sounds like you know that. Be true to yourself and don't listen to anyone else, including me :)

I find this post so sad. There is nothing gross about birth or pregnancy. I'm sorry there are such negative voices in you/your husband's life.

Personally, I view pregnancy as f*****g weird - but of course, that's because I have not experienced this magical, intimate, emotional event in (apparently) every woman's life. The thought of another little me growing inside my wahoohoo is uncomfortable. Waiting around for nine months for some demon to pop out and grace me with its company is one thing, but the damage it does to ME is another. I love my vagina, it's treated me well. But I know that during pregnancy it grows and stretches and bleeds. I think to avoid such a disaster, I'll just not have my own children. Adoption sounds far more exciting and rewarding. I'd much rather give another a home than add to the world's hunger issues.

I dont fear being pregnant... I think its beautiful, however, i do fear the delivery that sometimes i think i dont wanna get pregnant... I also fear whether the baby is gonna be healthy or not. I feel a bit weirded about breast feeding, so maybe in a way i can relate to you feeling grossed out by the thought of pregnancy... But maybe when it actually happens, you'll see that its not so weird after all... In the end those thoughts are all in our heads, and we can control them...

My friend feels the same way and I do to a point, but I think it's a normal fear. Who you need to talk to is someone who felt the way you do, then had kids. Talk to other mothers about the fears you have and ask them if they ever felt that way. If you are okay with not having children, that's fine, too. Often, I see myself getting a great career in the future. I'd like to be well-educated and if having kids is in the way of me having a career, then fine, I don't want any. I may change my mind in the future. Part of me would like a son, though, and I sometimes think about how I love certain names.

I understand that birth is a natural thing and many people find it beautiful. I am not one of them. Pregnancy grosses me out too! Just the thought of something living and growing inside of me, feeding off of my nutrients like a parasite, ugh! I know, it would be my own child, but sometimes you never really know what's in the mind of another human being, even the darkest parts. And then there's the delivery! That would terrify me. The thought of something so large passing through something so small, I don't think I'd be able to do it. I don't think it's in my plan to be pregnant or give birth.

I really enjoyed being pregnant. It's a very intimate time. However, I can understand your feelings, and I respect them. If you have no desire to be pregnant or have children, then that's nobody's business but YOURS. Next time someone asks you about kids, just ask them, "What makes you ask that question?" If you think this is some sort of phobia, though, talk to someone professional who can assess your feelings. Don't listen to the rest of the noise! BTW: I watched Alien while I was pregnant the first time, and that was pretty freaky! I also dreamed at one point that I was having a little gingerbread man instead of a human child. But generally, since I looked at my fetuses as people, I enjoyed their constant company and missed that aspect after they were born...

@Mistral

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SoulPancake

Mistral

Is it natural to be this grossed out by the thought of pregancy?

becci1287

ME TOO! i don't think i want kids, not only because of the physical pain but because i'm scared that i would do something wrong, you know?

tranquilitea

Mistral

@LovedOne he's not a jerk, it's his WORK BUDDIES that are the problem.

Bramblejinks

LovedOne

Don't have kids with a guy who's a jerk. Why the heck are you even married to someone like that? I guess those are my questions at this point...

Bramblejinks

TooYoungToThink

skinnypete

skinnypete

crazy_mama

One more thought: I totally understand that it's not for everyone! Sounds like you know that. Be true to yourself and don't listen to anyone else, including me :)

crazy_mama

I find this post so sad. There is nothing gross about birth or pregnancy. I'm sorry there are such negative voices in you/your husband's life.

VelvetReverie

blueberry

partlycloudyholiday

ava1118

LovedOne

Is it natural to be this grossed out by the thought of pregancy?

ME TOO! i don't think i want kids, not only because of the physical pain but because i'm scared that i would do something wrong, you know?

@LovedOne he's not a jerk, it's his WORK BUDDIES that are the problem.

Don't have kids with a guy who's a jerk. Why the heck are you even married to someone like that? I guess those are my questions at this point...

One more thought: I totally understand that it's not for everyone! Sounds like you know that. Be true to yourself and don't listen to anyone else, including me :)

I find this post so sad. There is nothing gross about birth or pregnancy. I'm sorry there are such negative voices in you/your husband's life.

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